but I cant tolerate the lies and going out til the wee hours of the morning.
Quote:
She responded later with "why are you being nice to me?".
She doesn't want a man that will let a woman treat him like that then be nice to her. She wants a strong confident man that will call her out on the CB. Her reponse is more of a statement than a question.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Here's what I know. I observe based on what you post that you are chasing her and she is running away from you. I, and others, keep strongly suggesting to you that you try something else - like making yourself scarce and going dark on her - to see if that fans what little flame she may still have for you. You haven't tried that yet. You've done the opposite - and I understand why - b/c you're hurting, you're scared, you don't want to lose her, you're sad. I've observed that you will find ANY reason - or no reason at all - to contact her. And yet, she still walking away from you.
Try something different. Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Coach, I thought I wasnt suppose to talk about issues. If what I need to do is tell her flat out that I'm not going to tolerate her crap, then I can do that.
And yes Greek, you are absolutely correct.
On another note, I'm going to a big party with a live band playing this weekend. That should be fun.
When I reflect back on the times i would sit down and talk with her, I was trying to communicate without anger or an emotionally charged tone. I thought I was doing right by communicating my concerns instead of being controlling and telling her she couldnt do xyz. I now see where I went wrong. I should have just been assertive by telling her, that its not ok with me that she is doing xyz and I will not tolerate it. As far as some of the other issues such as indifference/lack of affection. I'm not sure what I could have said/done. I let insecurities build up and get in the way.
I'm starting to feel brewing sensation to just say F it, confront her for her crap behavior, sick of her lack of respect for me lately, etc..
I'm starting to feel like there's nothing I can do to turn this around. She doesnt give a hoot how I feel, what she is doing to anyone else around her, and I dont know that I could continue on if I found out she has been with anyone else. I already suspect it, and she sure isnt doing anything to make me think otherwise.
I see the person I've become. blinded by my love and attachment to my GF, self giving but not to myself. I lost my confidence, self-worth, and I have become passive in all aspects of my life.
I thought I was doing right by communicating my concerns instead of being controlling
Read up on "boundaries."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Here's what I know. I observe based on what you post that you are chasing her and she is running away from you. I, and others, keep strongly suggesting to you that you try something else - like making yourself scarce and going dark on her - to see if that fans what little flame she may still have for you. You haven't tried that yet. You've done the opposite - and I understand why - b/c you're hurting, you're scared, you don't want to lose her, you're sad. I've observed that you will find ANY reason - or no reason at all - to contact her. And yet, she still walking away from you.
Ok, so I learned that she had been posting some stuff on a personals site for the last 6 months and chatting with guys, she has a secret identity, email, FB, and a guy she just met shortly before this all happened tried adding her on her fake FB page. Appears she deleted the FB page now.
I got an email from her. it said she found a place,and that she wants me to move on and be happy. find someone that can love me the way i deserve to be loved. she is proud of me for working on myself and that she needs to do the same.
I could really use some additional advice on my last few updates and some suggestions.
I dont know if i did the right thing, but ended up talking with her this evening. I ended up telling her that I knew about all that stuff above. I started out slow and she obviously wasnt going to fess up, so I told her straight up. and I then found out some additional stuff. The night I said it was weird that her friend called her when they were supposedly together, well they went to the lake instead of the bar. She has been having an "emotional affair" atleast thats all she is willing to admit. She still stands by the "nothing has happened" statement. I dont believe it. She has been talkin to this guy for atleast a month and a half now.
Something else i found out was that I made her feel inadequate from all the talks.
On a personal reflection, I should have made it more of a point to get adult time with her outside the house and away from the kids.
I know i've been advised to have no contact. For the most part I have been doing that. She has been the one to contact me first. I think I needed to let her know I knew about all the stuff thats been going on.
