What about the FIRST guy, the one she works with from time to time?
Should I call him or email him? I don't want his wife to find out, but I want to BURN BRIDGES between him and my wife so she WILL NOT RUN TO HIM as this FB affair collapses.
She may revert back to this first guy now because this guy is married, and my wife knows I know.
Married cheating people often take comfort in each others' deceitful situation, and find excitement in sneaking around together.
They both would have something to lose, so I want to nip her running back to him by confronting.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
No, you don't confront him, you EXPOSE to his WIFE.
She has just as much a right to know what's going on in her marriage as you do. Right now, in fact, she is the only one of the four affected who DOESN'T know what's going on!! She has the right to know, and to then be able to make her own decisions about how she wants to handle it.
Yes, your wife will be lived. Too bad. Consequences. As for it possibly making things worse, QS, your wife is having cybersex (and possibly in-person sex) with other men, says she doesn't love you, and wants a divorce. How can she possibly hurt you any further?
If you learn NOTHING ELSE from this whole ordeal, learn this:
In every situation, rather than operate from a basis of "How will she will react if I do thus-and-such? Will she be mad? How will her reaction make ME feel?", and replace it with
"What is The Right Thing to Do in this situation? What would God Himself have me do, if He were standing right in front of me?" . . . and then let any bluster from your wife, as a result, be just that: BLUSTER.
It's very liberating when you finally learn to do that, and realize . . . I'm still standing.
I just texted the FIRST guy. It is done with. Hopefully he is panicking like no other right now.
I couldn't find his wife. All the contact info I got was completely out of date on her. She has no FB page or anything.
So I opted to text HIM, which is what the general advice is to do anyway.
So hopefully he knows I am not an idiot, and that I can and will burn him so badly next time that his grandchildren will feel it.
So if she goes crying to him and needs some attention, he is going to run away like she has Ebola, and it will further spiral her support out of control.
Now my next question is:
She is going to most definitely go to her trusted friends and give them HER VERSION of events, and going to tell them I have "went psycho". She is going to get support from them, and further strengthen her resolve that I am doing all this to get back at her and that I am really "crazy".
How should I handle that parts of it?
And how do I handle it when she goes BALLISTIC at me for doing this. What should I say and how should I respond? Im not sure of what to do when these 2 guys finally tell her that ive called them out. I have no idea what she will do.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 06/09/1003:22 PM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
You just present yourself as a mature, calm, responsbile adult... SHE will look like a child in comparison... DO things that look adultlike... talk to friends face to face... none of this ridiculous texting crap...
Sit down, talk like a responsible parent, etc.. Tell everyone despite HER destructive choices you love her and want to save your amrriage and ask for their support... dont' say anything mean or horrible about yoru wife at all... They will see THAT and HER story and they will know who's lying to them...
This is much like a political campgain rife with character debate.. you want to win this...
Keep your head high, try to remain as respectable as you can in comparison to her sneaking around trying to smear you... most educated mature adults will support you over her tactics.. those who don't... well, this is the time where you find out who your friends are...
It's a tough call about the wife of the work OM... If you expose, you don't have much leverage, but if you don't... she's not being treated fairly...
She may even know already anyhow...
Make sure this work guy knows you want HIM to tell your WIFE "It's OVER" and he wants NO FURTHER CONTACT from HER either
Many newbies here miss this important point :
Contact must end from BOTH ends... HE has to stop contacting YOUR WIFE and SHE must be told by HIM that HE does NOT want to hear from HER ANYMORE...
You tell this guy to tell your wife to steer clear, that he loves his wife and his marriage and wants to save it and she's an interference from that... and that SHE shoudl do the SAME
She is going to most definitely go to her trusted friends and give them HER VERSION of events, and going to tell them I have "went psycho". She is going to get support from them, and further strengthen her resolve that I am doing all this to get back at her and that I am really "crazy".
How should I handle that parts of it?
And how do I handle it when she goes BALLISTIC at me for doing this. What should I say and how should I respond? Im not sure of what to do when these 2 guys finally tell her that ive called them out. I have no idea what she will do.
FIRST QUESTION: you can't control that. For FAMILY, you should certainly pre-expose them, with the TRUTH, and then you STICK to the truth, unembellished, and remind them that you love her and do NOT want a divorce, but that you won't tolerate this kind of deceitful and disrespectful behavior in your marital home. You can't control what she tells HER friends (other than, if any one of them ever ASKS you, you can certainly look them in the eye and tell them the God's-honest-truth).
SECOND QUESTION:
You say "Everything I am doing, I am doing to fight for our marriage." or "I'm sorry you feel that way, but everything I'm doing, I'm doing to fight for our marriage and to protect myself." When there are kids involved you say " . . . our marriage and our family."
she will most certainly say some version of "Well, I was THINKING of getting back with you, but NOW YOU'VE BLOWN ANY CHANCE OF THAT, MISTER!!" . . . to which you say "I hear you. I'm sorry you feel that way. Everything that I have done, I've done to fight for our marriage, and -- where necessary -- to protect myself (our family)."
talk to friends face to face... none of this ridiculous texting crap...
That is the only way I could reasonably get into contact with him. Some of the intel I got was old, and his cell number was the ONLY good number to reach him. I kept it SHORT AND SWEET, and to the point.
I am disappointed with myself, as I could have done better with getting better info, but oh man what I did worked.
Guess what???
He just unfriended her on FB. He deleted his profile, and he is GONE.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 06/09/1003:49 PM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
No, i mean your friends and family... don't engage OM face to face, but DO engage face to face with friends and famly.. it looks a LOT more respectable and will again make your wife who likley IS texting look cowardly and insincere
You just present yourself as a mature, calm, responsbile adult... SHE will look like a child in comparison... DO things that look adultlike... talk to friends face to face... none of this ridiculous texting crap...
Yep -- absolutely. As I posted to someone else on their thread yesterday, regarding a possible confrontation in front of their MC: You want to appear as the most reasonable guy in the room.
