Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Question

Thanks K! I was hoping you would say something.

We haven't been living together for over a year, but a bunch of his junk is still at the house and I would love to have it just thrown out. I have most of it in boxes, but getting him to come and get it, well he won't do that because "that is more he will have to move back when he moves back". Like that was ever going to happen.

I have kept pretty calm. I have 1.5 days at work. I sent H three texts when I found out. The worst thing I said is I asked what I have done to have him treat me like a jerk. I mostly asked a bunch of questions I know I will never get an answer to. I really feel like calling my L and just filing this week, but I know that is just emotions so I am going to try to let myself calm down and see where it goes. I am so mad at him, his parents, his brothers, everyone!

Honestly, I still don't want to file for D because I just don't want to be divorced, but I think it is probably for the best...I just don't know, and I don't want S to have to go back and forth.

I am sorry I dont have much to say... You realise that as long as they are together you are just his back up plan. Like I was for 1 year after he moved out and then SHE became that for another year...

The cruelest thing is that you see how you get replaced in the eyes of others. I dont know what to advise you. I can see him still trying to figure things out but it seems it will be a long way back "home" if he does get to complete the cycle.

You can move ahead and file and leave the door a bit open or proceed with giving him his things without mentioning divorce at this stage, let him do that if that's how he wants to proceed.

You are one remarkable young woman with a good head on you shoulders, no need to hurry into final decisions unless you feel like it...
xxx

Yeah I know I am his back-up plan just like he is her back-up plan when it comes to her H. I know totally sick and crazy. I thought about trying to talk to him and finding out where to go from here, but I know he won't talk to me and will just say "I don't know".

If it wasn't for S, it would be so much easier. I would just D, no questions asked, but S complicates everything. I wouldn't trade S for the world so I don't want him to have his whole world change again just when he has gotten used to it...



Right now I am going to just chill out and see because as many know on this site, things change very quickly.

So sorry to hear this, Awest! That is awful! Did he think you wouldn't find out or just didn't care? (how did you find out btw?)

For S's sake, I'm with you about not actually filing the D right now b/c u get to keep S under your control. I sometimes wonder if our H's are sane enough to be able to have any custody of our Ss, but I'm sure it would be nearly impossible to prove otherwise. But it's probably best to live as if you are D'd - meaning no contacting him - not even about S. If he wants to know, he can ask and you can decide when and how much you want to respond to him. So sorry again. =/

Why not text him that you are putting his stuff at the curb and he has until garbage day to pick it up?

I'm trying to remember back to the beginning. Haven't the inlaws enabled this behavior before? I'm thinking of the football games last fall.

If it were me I'd stop doing things with the inlaws as well -- at least for a while. If there's a D, it's up to H to keep them involved.

I can only imagine the pain you are going through. I haven't had to deal with that yet.

Quick update. I am so tired, sore, exhausted...since break started, i have been non-stop. Wednesday afternoon I didn't do anything, but Thursday I thought I would see how easy taking off the wallpaper in S's room will be to start the painting...well it wasn't too hard so i kept going. My mom came over and helped. The pain was the old paste left over and the little tiny pieces of paper. I then puttied and left it at that.

Today I went strawberry picking. Went with a friend, her sister, another friend, and S to the park. Then while S took a nap sanded the walls. Then we (s and I funny pics taken and paint everywhere) primed the walls. Ate some dinner, and I just finished painting the first coat of dark blue everywhere (walls and ceiling).

Tomorrow 2nd coat on just the walls because the ceiling turned out well, and possibly start painting the stars. Then just relax.

I need to make sure I spend a lot of time with S. He has been really sensitive the last few days (probably because of the routine change with no school), but he cries if I yell at him and just wants to cuddle and tell me how much he loves me (could also be missing H, but who knows?) He has just been very sad the last few days, but with me busy trying to get the room done I haven't spent time with him so I need to do that tomorrow since the 2nd coat won't take long then we can get his room back to normal and clean the house sunday and monday.

H...well nothing. Nothing at all since Sunday of last week and we haven't seen him since May 18. FIL's birthday is tomorrow. i sent him a card and gift card to go out to eat so we will see if he says anything. Found out from a friend that the BIL that hates me was saying some nice stuff about me to her and how he misses S. Crazy!?!?! Other BIL I sent an e-mail along with H to ask about Father's day and a possible gift for FIL that we would have to get together and he got back to me right away.

So now off to a shower because I have paint everywhere. Painting a textured ceiling and textured walls is hard work, but it looks great and will be done tomorrow which is quicker than I expected. the rest of the summer no big projects and I will do small stuff like weeding when S is sleeping so we can hang during the day.

Nothing big going on right now. Finished S's room and it looks great!

Today I found out a friend is marrying one of H's coworkers and I guess he is not as loved at work as he makes it seem. Not anything huge, but he makes it sound like everything is perfect when it really isn't.

Also today I went to another one of his cousin's grad parties. (the first time S and I got invited together and not H on the envelope). Talked to BIL and he likes my idea for FIL for father's day. Then I said something about H not getting back to me about it, and he said something about him being a jerk and how his stuff smells in the garage. BIL talked to his other BIL and we are probably going to get FIL two tickets to a cub's game. H...who knows? FIL and MIL were normal. S is going to go over there sometime next week while I grocery shop which helps me because then I am less stressed and get better deals. Then we are going to do something for Father's day.

This week S and I will relax and have fun. Still nothing from H and I don't plan on seeing him at all. I just hope he isn't at his parents when I take S, but if he is...oh well...I don't have to talk to him.

That is so awesome about S's room! I'm sure it feels great to S too to have his own little special space made by mommy. =)

It sounds like you are really doing great- just living your life, doing things with family even when it doesn't include H. It's really great for S that you are making that effort to keep that connection going with H's family. Well continue to enjoy your summer and don't work too hard!

Yesterday...did yard work. Mowed, wed, and raked. I want to put fertilizer on today but it is supposed to rain, but I will check that out again this morning. I also painted my new swing frame so it is white like my porch and looks just awesome. The house is really looking good.

Today a mommy's play group at the park, which will take up the whole morning. Then nap and hanging with S all afternoon.

Ah, the life of a teacher.