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That is something that I am working on. I am doing more by myself, she will be forced to be at home or at least be with the kids. She knows I don't approve, she says there is nothing, but I have my doubts.

then ask to see her phone if there is nothing she will have no worries handing it over

You have to have your radar up right now. Go read Allen A over in the "Infidelity" forum and look for Puppy.

HEA,

Not sure if this is advice or just commentary. My marriage has been in crisis since June of 2009. It began with an emotional affair via the Internet, like most of the others I have read about here.

I learned of the EA early on, wife agreed to end the EA. Turns out the EA was restarted (or maybe never ended). I always had suspicions but, like you, I was not comfortable with snooping. And, like you when I was caught snooping it seemed to make matters worse (lots of anger directed towards me), so I stopped hardcore snooping but still kept my eyes open.

I always suspected I was not being told the truth. I always wondered if the EA become physical (the OM lived far away so It seem less likely). Well, just this past weekend the truth was revealed.

My wife was acting suspicious (said she needed to go for a long drive to think and be alone) so I followed my gut and checked things out. I found her car parked at a truck stop - she was in the cab of a truck with her EA partner.

The point of this story is this. You need to know what you are dealing with. If there is an active affair (emotional or physical) you are unlikely to turn things around until the affair has been revealed (there are some more experienced veterans here that will delve into this further).

I wish I had been more aggressive in gathering intel.

You need to go to the matresses about this. The stakes are too high to be wrong HEA.

Say I call her hand. She lets me see phone and there is nothing there. Then what? Should I try to check ahead of time and know the text are there? I can't say for sure that there is still a EA or if she has become a WAW.

Amen.

Those here that do the tough job of gathering intel, not revealing their sources, and then exposing the affair at the right time and in the right way have better odds of reconciling....

Hea to W: "I'm relieved. Your behavior and changes recently have given me pause and I'm deeply concerned about our M. Infidelity is one of my concerns. Thank you for being open with me."

Greek

I would not ask to see the phone yet. I strongly suggest that you learn her phone inside and out by reading the user manual. She will leave it at some point, possible when she showers or sleeps. You will then be able to get the intel you need. You can then let us know what you find and how to respond.

Welcome aboard. The Love Dare is not the route to take when your W is having an A. I have that book and you said it right about it pressuring the S. You would do better to put that book up and forget applying those "dares" everyday. You saw for yourself how your W reacted. If you stay here with the DB board, you will do much better.

So, where are you in the M now? Is she still contacting OM?

The first thing people are usually told in DBing is to detach. Yes, it is very hard b/c your emotions are bouncing all over the place, but for your sake....that's what you need to do. When the LBH detaches, his WAW will no longer feel that he is smothering her. In fact, if he will follow the advice given, she'll wonder why he is not hanging all over her with weepy eyes and begging her not to leave.

You need to find plenty of activies to get involved in. You need to get a life for yourself that does not include your W. There are reasons for that, but I just can't explain it all right now.

Being a great father is wonderful, but it's when you leave "her" home babysitting while "you" go out GAL. You don't lie about your plans but you just give the basic answers and show some mystery. That causes you to be much more interesting in her POV.

Let me ask you a question. What is the "dealbreaker" for you in this M? If it your W having an A with OM, then you will need to take a stand about not living in an open M. You will need to expose the A. She must suffer the consequences of what she's done. She has to suffer shock or loss in order to wake her up and see what she's doing.

The most important thing is that your W show you respect. Do not let her get by with talking down to you or doing other things that are obviously disrespectful.

There is a lot for you to take in, and you can't do it all at one time. Just don't jump off into something that you do not have enough information about and make matters worse. You need to read and ask questions and find out what to do before doing anything. I hope I am not making things more confusing.

You will need to post every day possible.

No problem there. Same phone.