C-Bart and CW, Thanks for the words of encouragement, I find that maintaining a PMA is the best thing for me. I always try to keep it light and fun with my W when I see her.
Patience is key today, Life kinda got in the way last night. We cooked a wonderful dinner....Mahi Mahi on the grill, asparagus, nice salad, good chardonay. We cooked together but had to rush b/c I had to go pickup D13 from soccer practice and then on to therapy. When we got back to the house my W was asleep with my S in our bed. I knew she was tired, she offered to stay and have a glass of wine with me (I was surprised at this), I said no she was tired and she should head on home. I really wanted her to stay but I want her to want to stay and for her to make the decision. Oh well, I'd be lying if I said I was not disappointed last night but I was prepared.
I still sat on the patio and had some corona's myself and listened to some good music.....slept like a baby!!!
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Golfgirl, Why, as a matter of fact you did!!! Have not been on the course in almost 10 months. Can't wait. I have lost significant weight, and I am excited to see how it affects my swing. I am a high 90s golfer never played enough to establish a handicap but I am hopeful, hell with the PMA I got going, I may join the tour next week. LOL
Tomorrow is more about fun and hanging with friends, golf is the excuse.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Well, I had a step back last week but back on track and still more positive steps. Still waiting for that Big Step, don't know if she will ever officially say it, but I sure would like to hear her say that she wants to work on the M.
My W came over last night to sit with our S9 while I was at D13's last soccer game. Was only for an hour and half but I asked if she wanted to stay for dinner and she did. We put our S9 to bed, and we had a late dinner and talked about her work and and mine and our children and normal stuff we used to talk about before the nightmare began. I made sure to keep it light and fun, no R talk. We also talked about fixing our favorite meal and cracking open 1 of 2 bottles of wine we have been saving for special occassion. (Neibaum Coppola, Rubicon Estate, Captain's Reserve 2004 Cabernet for the wine enthusiasts) We did not set a date but it was talk of doing something in the future, hopefully sooner rather than later.
It is definitely frustrating waiting for her to move along but she is moving, just gotta be patient. I am going back in my thread and in my journals to remind myself just how far I have come. Back in October, my W swore to my D13 (D13 still hates Mom) that she would never eat another meal with me and never be in the house at the same time as me. If there wasn't the issue between my D13 and my W, I think my W would be at the house more than she is now, maybe even back in the house by now.
I try to write in my journal as often as I can b/c I know later I will be able to look back in a month or 2 or 3 or 4 and see the progress. While I listen to what she says when she is opening up, I pay more attention to her actions these days. Her actions are more measurable than her words which still contain lies, which I try to ignore.
I know there will come a time to talk about how she is feeling but I know I have to restablish trust with her so she feels safe in sharing her feelings with me. It is so odd to say that "I have to re-establish trust with her" it seems so backwards, she should be the one re-establishing trust with me. That too, I know will come with time.
TIME, that is definitely the constant in all our sitches. Any progress takes time.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
To my fellow DBer's.......Happy Little Friday !!!!
Its 4:20 pm where I'm at so in 40 minutes I will be welcoming the weekend!!! Come join me in starting the weekend a little early, if you have the little ones, get em in bed a little early or at least on time. Sit back and relax, throw on some of your favorite music, maybe your favorite beverage of choice and declare to yourself "Life is Good!!"
This is part of my weekly routine and let me tell you it works!! I have rediscovered the "fun" person I used to be and my W is noticing, but I am not doing it for her. If you want your spouse back, start being the person they want to be around, for my W that is someone that is "fun" and "fun-loving", No PRESSURE, NO R TALK, NO WAY.
Had a great lunch w/ my W today, nothing earth shattering happened just lunch, slowly we are spending more time together and I try to be upbeat and fun no matter what, just trying to be a friend again.
So if you like, come on over tonight, I will have a couple cold ones to spare and Van Morrison will be going tonight on the patio.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
