As far as her going out this last month, she was supposedly going to a small bar that im familiar with, but I did not go spying on her.
The second time she went out.. I noticed on her phone a text from her friend asking if she could get out later. My GF told me she was taking some clothes over to give her friend for her kids. after that she texted me to say she was going for a beer with her. and after that well she didnt make it home til 1:30 am. Listening to the conversation when her friend came over the next time (see below) their timelines didnt match up. Her friend made a statement about my GF dropping her off about 12:30, so there's roughly an hour their that it took my GF to make it home. She gave me a kiss on the forehead as she got into bed.
Then the third time she went out, her friend came over for a little bit and then asked if she could steal my GF to go out and that she would have her home by midnight. She did make it home by that time, but in her call log, about 11:20 while she was supposedly at this bar, the lady friend she was supposed to be with called her. My GF then called her back 6 minutes later.
I was suspicious of this and wondered why her friend would be calling her if they were together. The bar they were supposed to be at is fairly small, so i wouldnt expect a call necessary to find each other.
After talking with my GF the next morning, she had told me that they ended up going back to her friend's house between 10 and 11 to bs.
So how do i proceed? Do I tell her to stop seeing this OM that I dont have proof of, or what? Right now she isnt living with me anymore cause i told her not to bother coming home. Now she is looking for a place to rent and is talking with me about what to do with our daughter. She has taking her clothes out of the house, but that is it so far.
Marriages are difficult even under ideal circumstances; add to that the stress of unemployment, an illness, a career that keeps you from home, a time consuming hobby, for example, and people can become disillusioned by their current state. They had unrealistic expectations and when they did not get fulfilled may become distant, cold, resentful, often look for an escape, find new friends or hobbies and sometimes stray.
It happens. It happens alot. It doesnt necessarily mean there is anything wrong with you, just that your spouse now looks at life differently. Their forward momentum is not the same as yours. You may be perfectly fine the way you are. And honestly, more times than not you are absolutely fantastic, great. Its just your spouse is not into you.
Some might respond with "Ouch" or "cut it out" but I have to say, Big F'ing Whooppie Do. People change, you have changed, if you married your spouse with the anticiapation they were never going to change, then your marriage was doomed from the onset and this is yet another wake up call in life. Otherwise, it is an excellent opportunity for you to learn skills in personal interaction and in attracting the opposite sex.
I am a firm believer that you cannot make somebody love you. And god forbid one controls someone that way or allows themselves to be controlled. If your spouse/girlfriend/lover wishes to seek out new adventures let them, it is what they need. Just continue with your own forward momentum. Life is Good. It F'ing great to be alive.
Nothing says you have to talk them, so why bother. Take some time off from the relationship yourself. Its probably exactly what you need. Enjoy life. Live it up. Develop new hobbies or expand on the ones you have. Socialize a little or alot. Be successful in wanting people to be around you.
By no means was I mocking you in my earlier post; I was pointing out an observation that something such as my son playing videos games was attractive to little girls he knows. It may or may not be the case with your wife. To other woman you meet in your life it very well may be the premise that begins the most amazing relationship you or anyone else may experience.
But it is not the video games. It isnt the car, or the boat or career or any of that; It is the attitude and the life style and confidence that "IT" is happening where I am at. There are hundreds, thousands of interesting things about you. If one particular person does not want to share them with you, It's Their Loss. Do not dwell on it as if it is yours.
I find it depressing to read about someone who is holding back from living life and waiting in the same place for someone they care who is involved in an affair. It is very difficult to want to come back to the same thing you escaped from. Don't expect them too. If you really want to attract your mate, and keep yourself from depressing the summer away thinking about them, then continue to move forward with your own positive forward momentum.
Something kind of off topic, but I remember what my female boss said to me in front of my GF several months back at a business dinner.
"She's too good for you"
That replayed in my head just a few minutes ago, so i kinda wondered what that was all about and why on earth she would say that to me in front of her.
I understand what you are saying, but I dont want to give up hope on the mother of my child and the woman i love.
I didn't suggest you give up hope on your wife. I suggested you get out, do something interesting, meet people, take a little time off from stressing about your relationship. Your wife lies to you about where she is going til all hours of the morning, you get mad, tell her not to come home, she says ok lets talk custody.
There's still hope. There's always hope. You just need to be the reason she asks to come back home.
I told her not to come home because she obviously didnt want to be here. All of the reasons you just said above. I dont know if it was the right thing to do, I said it in the heat of the moment. I really miss her and would love for her to be here, but I cant tolerate the lies and going out til the wee hours of the morning.
