Whatis had his first experience at the "Nail and Body Spa" today! Now, don't get all excited, I took my D12 for her first manicure which apparently includes nail polish. How the heck do those ladies make any money? It took almost one hour for my kids nails to be done, granted 20 minutes was under some sort of nail drying machine, and I paid $15. I gave the girl a five dollar tip because I couldn't believe she does an hours work for 15 bucks !? Anyway, daughter was thrilled with this surprise New years gift from Dad. The ladies were pretty happy to have a man in their sanctum, one said "once you've had a pedicure, you'll never stop coming back" I'm not gonna chance it!!!! I told her I'd call up some of the guys and we'd swing by with a case of beer and get pedicures together some night. Anyway, daughter was thrilled with her first visit...I'm not getting her a pedicure or she'll never stop coming back. Later Dbers.
Well, me and the guys are off for New Years Eve pedicures...NOT. Actually, STBX asked me if I'd like to join her and the girls tonight so I'll be dropping over there. I'm to bring fake wine. Tomorrow it's New Years dinner at STBX's and my parents will be joining us, my best friend can't make it but I saw him last night so it all works out. After this it's back to being myself again, back to being the single guy I really am. But it will be D15's birthday shortly so we'll all be going out for that family event...and after that it will be an out of town gymnastics meet...I guess I'm still the family guy! I saw the therapist this morning and my homework for the next two weeks is to read a book called "Mind Over Mood" and jot down thoughts...bad ones, of course, that come up for me. I am starting to recognize that it is OK to feel grief, hurt etc about things and people in my past and still be able to try to understand how those things occured. I have this idea that if what someone has done something to me and there is a logical, understandable reason (even if it is wrong)then I somehow should not allow myself to feel the hurt. I can just explain it away as "their problem" etc. No need for tears, feelings etc. I just move on and keep rebuilding my life like a good little soldier...suck it up and carry on. I was taught well and did my duty, nothing was gonna drag me down...no sir. Therapist says that is a strategy based on fear. I'm afraid that if I let myself "fall apart" or feel a little too much about a sad situation I won't be able to pull myself back together. From what I've read it's a typical male response. I always thought I was being brave, a trooper but apparently I'm a chicken sh!t Apparently, real men do eat quiche, have pedicures .. and show feelings too...who'd of thunk it! Anyway,in all seriousness, I'm continuing to learn it doesn't have to be all or nothing. One can understand or explain a situation but still feel damn hurt by it. Live and learn...and learn...and learn! Happy New Years DBers...swing on by the Nail Salon and see me if you happen to be in the area.
OK, now that I've made the pita pizza and thrown it in the oven I have time to come back and bother you people again! I just wanted to clarify my point in my last post. I was always the poster boy for successful separations and I felt a sense of pride in hearing from others "how can you keep it together?" etc. I would always explain STBX's actions as "Hey, what she did was wrong, it hurt but my job is to pick up the pieces the best I can. I have to be there for my kids and therefore I've got to be as honourable and loving as I can be through this thing. I have to salvage whatever I can salvage for my family" I pushed to the back a lot of feelings. I went full speed into building myself a life, activities etc I was not gonna be a bowl of jelly on all sorts of pills like so many others I'd seen. I was gonna win! So now that the smoke has cleared, it's maybe time for me to allow that hurt to surface and be explored and that's what I pay the therapist big bucks for. This, of course, does not mean lashing out at anyone or being hurtful, just focusing a little more on ME and what I need for now. Anyway, I'm done now...gone...poof!
Tonight I dropped my D at gymnastics and watched the other parents dropping their kids too. Each week I spend time with these people waiting for our kids to finish and we talk or I just hear others talking. It struck me tonight how all these people are so secure in their little family worlds, their whole sense of being and purpose is consumed by that reality. Yet, none of them realize that just like that it can be ripped away from you. One email that you shouldn't have read, the card you read that wasn't meant for you...and then suddenly everything you've known and lived for is torn to shreds and left in pieces on the floor around you...just like that. I know I used to see my home as a place of security, a fortress from the world...it was my world. What would we all do this weekend, should we tell so and so that we'd be at their get together next week, what about shopping and D12 has an appointment next week...Now, I come home to a turtle and he doesn't give a damn what we do! My home is now a place I try to figure out how not to be alone in for too long. One of the reasons I returned to faith was the realization that the things I saw as rock solid, as anchors in my life can be taken away just like that and then what's left. Yes, indeed. So, those are my thoughts tonight as I head out to church (my turtle is OK with me being out, he's a sport!). Yes, they appear to be downer thoughts but hey the shrink says I'm supposed to feel my grief...so far so good! Later Dbers
I know what you mean. I sat on the bench at my daughter's ballet class one night years ago. And the woman next to me asked me something about the family. Or maybe she just said "How are you?" The next thing I knew I was crying and telling her that we had a dysfunctional family. She said to me, "I'd like to see that functional family, if there is one." I was confused, so she went on and said all families are dysfunctional, everyone else is just hiding it. She is right. Don't kid yourself about those people on the bench. They aren't going home to happy families either.
Lotus, I don't necessarily believe that all these people have incredible marriages and families but I do believe we all get married believing it is forever. We build our lives around that and never believe that it could end even when times are a little rough. When the bomb hits, it's devastating and it's something we never in a million years thought could happen to us! One day you're planning your family vacation and the next you're looking for an apartment for yourself (and your turtle). Sh!t happens, don't it.
I know what you mean, Wii. My bomb were emails ... a moment I will never forget because the world, for me, changed forever.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Being Me, do you know how many people find out through an email they weren't supposed to read? How stupid can our S's all possibly be but I think that's a subject for another thread!!!
