Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives V1olin's new life without wife

Nah, just roll with the punches my friend and keep on your feet.

I didn't say "give her the cold shoulder", merely let her come to you about the papers, but, your situation doesn't allow for that approach, so do what you must, only you know.

And from there, when it all goes through, there is a lifted burden, believe it or not. Yeah it hurts like hell, but there's a silver lining to it. It's kind of like watching a loved one die a slow death, and when it's finally done, you know they are in a better place and no longer suffering. Same goes for the defunct M that got you here.

From there, some folks such (x)W and I can finally bring closure to age old issues that would simply never be laid to rest. And therefor, if there's still a loving bond, a new relationship can flourish, quickly and better than ever, after all the slate is clean.

Again, I don't say this to fill with you all out hope. After all, to me, hope has a fine line to becoming expectations.

Little clearer?

Thanks Dday, it is a little clearer now. I will not be her doormat and I do know how to spot that type of behaviour from her now. I will go about my life and see what happens.

lol, I didn't say that either.

Sorry man, I am not myself today. The papers are signed by both of us.

sorry, v1. be good to yourself this evening.

She is coming over here in 20 minutes to pick up the kids and I don't know what to do. I will probably just do what I always did, nothing.

Have you guys ever noticed how it is so much easier to give someone else advice on their sitch? Everyone's sitch is so much clearer and easier to understand than my own. Maybe I have information meltdown? Too much info on my own sitch?

Well, she was here and now she is gone. I could not hide my emotions from her like I thought I could. I was quiet and obviously bothered. She tried to make talk about her volleyball game today as if we just did'nt execute our family today. I had one word answers and no eye contact, it was all I could handle. Before she left with the kids she was silent and I thought I saw her wipe tears from her eyes. I am sorry Chris but it was all I could be for you tonight.

I texted this about 15 minutes after she left.

"I am not ok with this. I hate what we did to our family today, as if the last 18 years didn't happen."


Sorry guys, I am not taking any 2x4's at this time.

No 2x4 from me. Take your time to grieve. You did the best you could.

And yes, it's always easier being on the outside looking in -- because observers do not have the emotional investment that you have in the situation.

You will be fine. Rest assured... you did the best you could under the circumstances.

v1olin

I'm not sure you did or said anything that warrants a 2x4. You showed your emotion from a VERY emotional event in your life. I understand how you feel about getting conflicting advice on this site sometimes....it's because it's a message board and nothing else.

You are correct, every situation is unique because every couple is unique. What works for one couple doesn't work for another. You are also correct that it's "easy" to give out advice to others.

Here's the bottom line for you. You did not want to lose your M. In so many words, you told her that today. She WILL spend some time thinking about this.

By the way, I think it was very mature and responsible of you to use the word "we" in your text. Good job.

As dday mentioned in an earlier post, he is curious to see what might happen a few months down the line.

Who knows? But you have no reason to need a 2x4.