Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives V1olin's new life without wife

I have changed in some very big ways and I am very proud of that. I think she is starting to realise that these are permanent changes wether or not we reconcile or divorce. I do wonder if she is cake eating a bit and just keeping me as a friend but who knows?

Dday, I am still wondering about what you said because I thought the correct thing for me to do at this point would be to sign the papers and not mention it to her. That should releave a ton of pressure in the sitch.

Unless OM is still lurking in the picture, I fully disagree.

Ok, when she mentions it to me what do you suggest that I say to her then? Sorry for the questions but I respect the fact that you have been through this already and I would like to know your reasoning. Thanks!

Simply:

This is what YOU "want", I love you and have always loved you when I didn't do things right, but, I will not stand in your way. (loving detachment - no longer being there to hold her rope, to be her doormat, to be her "plan B")

And....

If she goes through with it, I guarentee you almost immediately after it's all said and done, she will come to you, and complain how bad things are for her, you have the unbeatable firepower to lovingly say, "I gave you what you wanted". And it will drive her up the wall each and every time. And each and every time she will get further and further indulged on how IT ISN'T what she wanted.

At least that's how it played out for me.

Ahh, ok. Thanks Dday, now it is clear what you are saying.

Yes, she does know that it is written up. I dont know if she knows that I have been emailed a copy of it or not. I would assume that she would sign it right away on her end but she has not told me about it yet. Maybe she is waiting for me to sign first?

Don't sign it, don't mention it. The longer you hold out, the faster that little hampster in her head is gonna start running.

I am getting pressure from my lawyer to sign now. I owe her about 5k. My stbxw is waiting for this to be signed so that she can refinance the house. Yes, she does want it to be signed. It is my weekend with the kids and I have a meeting with the L for 4pm on monday to sign the final dec.

Here is another thing to consider... I don't know if the OM is still in the picture or not. I am sure that he is still married but I think my stbxw and him still talk on the phone. I have not snooped at all since september and I am not going to, just to find out.

I sent her a text just now that was about the kids and she texted back with an answer but at the end of her text she asked me "if I was doing good?" I am getting myself confused here and the more I do the more I want to just sign on the dotted line and forget about her.

Your ponderings and frustrations are logical. Been there, done that.

I still say hold off as long as you can. If nothing is going on that requires your L, then the bills not getting any bigger and she can just wait it out.

OR, you could make mention to stbx, very casually that the "final" papers are out there, and you know she has a set too. Explain your situation with your L with out too much detail and see what her intent is.

Thanks Dday, I think I will go that route. I don't think I have anything to lose at this point.