Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Thinking About Life after Divorce

As far as I know, the kids still don't know for sure. D11 has figured it out, I think, especially with STBXW doing so much work on the house to fix it up.

We haven't had that big "We are getting D talk."

I was not going to be a part of it because STBXW is the one who wants it and she filed. I think I can answer questions later.

I've never brought it up and she hasn't either.

I also haven't seen anything on it in four weeks now -- but I'm not thinking anything has changed. I have the kids for the next seven days and I'm betting she has a couple of L trips to make.

Doesn't matter who wants the divorce. Mine wanted it. I didn't. Have the talk together with the kids. You don't want them in the middle. They will figure it out someday. Right now they need to happy parents or a least two parents that are acting happy...

Man, I'd be there. Let her talk to the kids with you there, and then you talk to the kids with her there. Don't lie to them to appease her, and don't let them think you want this if you don't! Even if it makes her mad. Tell them the truth...don't let them think you want this if you don't!

That's what I did. I'd do it the same way again too. She got pissed when I told the kids that I did not want this. So be it. I was gonna be honest with them. It was awful...it could have been worse though...we could have slpit them from crotch to eyeball with a dull deer antler!

Yes. Be there.

For us, we did not talk about whose decision it was.
I did let her really say much of it, though.
Yes, they had all sorts of questions. And they asked questions that they hoped would have the logical answer "oh, we shouldn't get divorced after all."

"Do you love each other." Yes, we do, but the marriage wasn't working.
"Am I going to see you." Yes. They were afraid I think that I was going to disappear from their lives. Tell them that isn't going to happen.
At some point they asked HER if I had a girlfriend. Nice. She handled it gracefully though - I know I can trust her when it comes to my relationship with the boys.

Tell them what you know - someone's going to move, but you don't know when yet. Give them a lot of advance notice for the changes that are going to happen.

They caught on to our money worries too. The boys' "family therapist" said that they would ask questions about the basics. Food to eat, etc. (Actually, if WE would be OK).

I guess I think the best thing is to tell them the basics of what's going on - we are going to get a divorce - without a lot of detail. Then let THEM ask questions about what they're concerned about. Address their questions and fears.

Yes, be there. These are your kids. Their well being is first, they have nothing to do with the divorce or who initiated it.

Thinker - how's it going?

I'm doing OK. A bit tired and distracted, and wishing that I could hurry the divorce along, but otherwise OK.

I hate this "In House Separation"

Better than limbo

but...

Yeah, I bet that does suck. I had the benifit of moving out 2 days after the bomb.

I could leave any time I want to, but doing so would jeopardize my chances of getting 50% custody and would give her an argument that I am agreeing to her keeping the house.

I would also have to continue to pay all expenses for this house with her living in it, while I additionally pay all expenses for myself living in a separate place. This would break me while giving her exactly the sort of "divorced" but all-expenses paid lifestyle she wants.

Nope, can't move out.

I would not move out in your sitch either. My wife makes a lot more money than I do and I could not afford the house on my own. Of course, now I have no house.