Part of getting back together, at least in any sort of HEALTHY way, is that both partners in the marriage need to have their needs met. One partner "not going for that," when "that" is something that is "a dream come true!" for the other . . . well, that's a big red flag to me.
This reconciliation is your opportunity to START FRESH with your marriage, each of you communicating better than previously, and standing up for your own needs better than before. If you are afraid to being things up to him that are "dreams come true" for you, then you're really putting yourself back into an unhealthy, subservient position.
Is that really where you want to be? Why not at least bring it up, tell him how much it would mean to you, and give him the opportunity to do with it what he will?
Um ..... no. My experience was a very well thought out, and much prayed about situation. It's not like I invited my husband over or went to where he was and just jumped his bones like some horny broad. Much discussion took place prior to our making up and making love.
Your Daddy's suggestions appeared to be the wishful thinking of some dude sitting behind a computer waiting for some salacious tale so he could spank the monkey - and I'm sure that's exactly what he did when he read my post. But hey - more power to him if he's giving himself a handjob. I guess it's better than nothing at all, right?
After the make up sex and the talks, I think, chapters 5 and 6 in the book become really important. Identifying Patterns That Work and Interrupting Destructive Patterns.
We speak so much about "doing something different" in a period of crisises to encourage people to get their heads screwed on straight and think clearly, but after the reconcillation, diffusing / avoiding the arguments before they happen that is equally if not more important part of Divorce Busting.
Remember people don't change.
Congratualations and Good Luck, and once again beautiful and passionate response!
After the make up sex and the talks, I think, chapters 5 and 6 in the book become really important. Identifying Patterns That Work and Interrupting Destructive Patterns.
We speak so much about "doing something different" in a period of crisises to encourage people to get their heads screwed on straight and think clearly, but after the reconcillation, diffusing / avoiding the arguments before they happen that is equally if not more important part of Divorce Busting.
Remember people don't change.
"People don't change", I'm not sure I agree with it. People change when they really want to or if they have to.
Originally Posted By: Steve McQueen
Congratualations and Good Luck, and once again beautiful and passionate response!
"People don't change", I'm not sure I agree with it. People change when they really want to or if they have to.
I agree with you Daddy; I've asked for a lot of changes from my H in our M, and have been making a lot myself. MWD's book 'Change Your Life and Everyone in it' has helped me a lot. Now that I've begun to change, my H also has in response. And it's happening because my attitude and communications - ie that which he is responding and reacting to, - has changed.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
I agree with you Daddy; I've asked for a lot of changes from my H in our M, and have been making a lot myself. MWD's book 'Change Your Life and Everyone in it' has helped me a lot. Now that I've begun to change, my H also has in response. And it's happening because my attitude and communications - ie that which he is responding and reacting to, - has changed.
I do like a good redemption story
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Katya, Beautiful to hear, thank you for the sharing. I know how hard it is to study and have so much running through your mind.
Please keep us posted on how you two are incorporating some of the relationship strengthening skills, if you can.
I also have friends and family that I know are praying for our happiness and reuniting. I know how we brighten other lives along with how they have touched our life together, so my family and friends have been generating positive energy towards our direction. This gives me additional hope knowing it's not just me wanting us together and we are and can be a vibrant reality.
