...He said you either trust me or you don't, there is nothing I can do to make you feel better.
thats a trap, he can spin that anyway he wants to because he's going to deflect everything back to "you don't trust me that's your problem."
there is lots he can do to make you feel better its called a transparency plan
Maybe he is just there for the wrong reasons...I dont know..Maybe because she does not want him ...Maybe that is why he does not want to remain trasparent or maybe he neesds to know he has a place to run if things get bad.
Maybe he is just there for the wrong reasons...I dont know..Maybe because she does not want him ...Maybe that is why he does not want to remain trasparent or maybe he neesds to know he has a place to run if things get bad.
It shouldn't matter to you why he is THERE. No contact is no contact. But see, you seem willing to split hairs with him about why he's there which just plays right into his game. In other words, H knows that when Swimming says "No contact or else", she really means, "No contact, but if H has a good enough explanation, H can still get away with it."
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
So what do I do now? Because I took him back and I have made it clear that he cannot see or talk to her. I have asked him on several occassions. I wont ask him anymore because why bother.I know the patterns now. I cant be a babysitter. I just want to be his wife. This time no explanation will change the situation..and the last time it was my choice..there was no explaination..I said this is it..your last time, you have hurt too many people.
I told him if he saw her or called her or emailed her that was it. He was done. He could pack his things and leave and there will be no more chances. He knows that I hurt very badly. He knows he hurt many people. He knows the consequences. I ask for reassurance every now and then but I have stopped...it is not beneficial to what we are trying to do. When I ask him he says no swimming it is over with her. So I stopped asking. I wish that she would not have emailed me and told me that he is just there for the kids. I wish she would not have said the things she said about how I am trying to keep them away from him. And how selfless he is for coming home for them. SHe does not live our lives, she does not know our marriage...why does she have a right to make me feel guilty for the choices I make concerning OUR children. I wish that she would go away. I wish this would all go away and I could have peace in my life.
I wish that she would go away. I wish this would all go away and I could have peace in my life.
Solutions:
- boundaries
- transparency plan
- don't open e-mail or answer calls from the predator
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I told him if he saw her or called her or emailed her that was it. He was done. He could pack his things and leave and there will be no more chances. He knows that I hurt very badly. He knows he hurt many people. He knows the consequences. I ask for reassurance every now and then but I have stopped...it is not beneficial to what we are trying to do. When I ask him he says no swimming it is over with her. So I stopped asking. I wish that she would not have emailed me and told me that he is just there for the kids. I wish she would not have said the things she said about how I am trying to keep them away from him. And how selfless he is for coming home for them. SHe does not live our lives, she does not know our marriage...why does she have a right to make me feel guilty for the choices I make concerning OUR children. I wish that she would go away. I wish this would all go away and I could have peace in my life.
Forget her mess. Compartmentalize all those feelings she provoked in you and concentrate on what you must do for you. She's worthless - don't assign any value to her or her words.
Now, do you KNOW - really know - that he has crossed that boundary you set down? Has he seen her/contacted her since you laid that down? Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
I wish that she would go away. I wish this would all go away and I could have peace in my life.
Solutions:
- boundaries
- transparency plan
- don't open e-mail or answer calls from the predator
Transparency plan is when you tell him what the boundary is (no contact) and that he has to verify that by being open with his cell phone, email and whereabouts. Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Transparency plan is when you tell him what the boundary is (no contact) and that he has to verify that by being open with his cell phone, email and whereabouts. Greek
He does not have a cell phone. He has one email that I know about and I have access to that one. He was only going over there at lunch until the end when I caught him and then it was late at night. I have no access to his work email or phone which could be the only way he is contacting her. I gave him a boundary. I do not think he has broken it but I dont really know because I dont have access to those emails and such. I know I have to trust him but it is not easy. AT ALL!
