Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers What should I do about potential OM?

Don't be naive, dazed. They're not 'just friends' and you know it. That's what your gut is telling you and you should listen to it.

Read the book Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. It's extremely informative and helpful.

Rob is right, she will lie to you, her friends, her family, anyone and everyone to protect the A. The simple fact is that all cheaters lie. Gather intel so you know what you're dealing with. Then we can help you form a plan of action.

Personally, after going through this myself and reading a lot on the forums, I favor a combo Puppy/Allen/Rob/Gucci approach.

• Gather intel
• Confront with boundaries (I will not live in an open marriage)
• Expose to relevant parties
• Enforce boundaries
• Put them out of the house when they refuse to end the A or suggest D (or just because they're cheating)
• Agree that you'll be better off with someone else who will treat you with the respect you deserve
• Make yourself the best version of you because it makes you happy

Of course GAL, 180s and detachment are required throughout. Plus it's a lot of fun. Ok, the detachment isn't fun until you get the hang of it.

I don't quite remember which part I'd exactly call fun about all this?

EDIT - I take that back, rubbing in (x)W's face when I decoded her plans and foiled them in bright day light and not let it get to me, she'd get so darnned frustrated, now THAT was fun.

hey dday I don't get your signature 12/03/09 red head at your side again? are you talking about your ex wife or a new one?

My (x)W of course. I don't think I'd ever be with another.

Hey dday, I meant that the GAL and 180s were fun. Not the rest of it. Blech.

I lost about 20 lbs, got a fab new wardrobe, traveled a LOT, started working out for the first time, took up tap dance and yoga, got my motorcycle license, accepted every social invitation and ended up at comedy shows and theme parties. Plus I got to practice my flirting skills and realized I'm still worth quite a bit in today's market.

Ooh, and kicking BF out of the house was definitely empowering, and retelling that story is tons of fun!

Ahhh, that makes more sense. Yes, I just realized my wardrobe is rapidly slipping away again, and yes the being able to get up and do whatever, nice as well.

really? after the divorce? hmm...

I'm going to look at your thread.

Yup, some folks need to go through it.

EDIT - divorce that is.

Aw. I noticed that on your sig too. That is great.

Dazed,

I would say NEVER reveal too much info to anyone until you have all your ducks in a row. That includes the wife or OMW. Listen to what they have to say but reveal little. Remeber that what you tell OMW will eventually get back to W.

You're going to have get serious, really fast. She is not thinking well right now and its a good time to be quiet and prepare. GAL, 180's, start looking happy...get a passion for life. Talk to a lawyer, get all your facts and evidence straight. Then you have the intiative.

Once you are ready, then you can confront the W. But be prepared, because you'll hear all kinds of distortions. She will remake history in her head, all to protect her ego.

Be prepared to decide if this is what you want. If so, there are success stories here but it's a long hard road. It can take a couple of years for some WAS's to stabilize. You also have work very hard on you as well.

If not, you must protect yourself, but act so that you can live with yourself later.