Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Nothing feels like "home"....

Had to share some news that shocked me so. Hear people would understand more.

Background... those of you that have kept up with my story know that we adopted X's neice16. Lots and lots of problems with her. With the DV I had custody. In Novemeber we had a huge fallout. I decided to let her go back to live with her biological mom. Something she has wanted to do from day one but mom could not take care of her for many reasons. Anyway mom is now clean and holds a job. So just like my M it was time to let go and tried to move on. So I let her go as well. XH was paying child support. Well like his norm he didn't do anything right away to stop the child support. Not until February. Long drawn out process.... he is still paying child support to me. A few months back he served me with papers, by the sheriff, at work. To stop the child support (which is only right) AND he wants all money back since November (its now April)I was furious. He couldnt be decent and just send them or otherwise. Anyway. I took them to my lawyer and lawyer said that I did not have to pay him back. The Iowa code says it can only be retroactive90 days from date of filing.
Okay, now this is totally out of character for me. This child is not living with me, he owes me nothing. It's only fair. BUT! I let my H take 2/3 of our farm, to save a fight, to just get it over. He has screwed me over ( I let him) from the day he dropped the bomb. So this time I decided :screw you". I am tired of makeing things easy on him. I'm tired of cleaning up his messes. It's not my problem that he didn't file right away. And I kind of feel he owes tahat money to me for all the extra money he got with the divorce. So...
I faught. We went back and forth with papers, lawyer to lawyer. Last offer, I said if he would forgo the money (almost 4000), I would pay his balance on the Divorce bill (he was to pay half and he still owes 800) last we had heard from them he was ready to go to court and fight it the whole way. Oh my gosh....
yesterday, my lawyer called and left me a VM, he is agreeing and will settle. I don't have to pay him back!!! I can't believe it. He has faught me every step of the way. I gave in sooo many times thru the divorce. He got sooo much more than I did. I can't believe he is actually going to give in this time. First "good" thing he has done for over three years.


So just had to share that. Asfar as the every day. It pretty much sucks. Life just doesn't seem right. My D18 said the other day "Mom, nothing feels like home". And that is exactly it. We both feel so lost. And I don't know why, but I think X is probably feeling the same way. I've been seeing the "new" guy for a year now. There has been moments that I wanted to run like hell. Other times I want so badly for X to call and come running into my arms. He is so sweet, kind, and fun. He treats me absolutely wonderfully. BUT he is not X and far from it. The old saying "forgive those that hurt you, and love those that treat you right" , haunts me every day. but at the end of the day, it's my XH that I love. He is in my thoughts al of the time. I miss him. I miss our life. I miss the the things we used to do together. I long to be sharing this "new" life with him.


But all at the same time, I know that that will never be. That it is over and I have to get over him and make the best of what I have today. And so I struggle. Each and every moment of every day. I love my "new" guy. How could I not, just not the same way. My X is my soul mate and without him, I feel so lost.

just here venting. Sorry...

Sorry, I put this is the wrong forum, should have been in "surving the Divorce" or "divorced but not done"

OH
Thanks for the update
So glad your xh finally let go a little
Its been a long and hard fight for you and all of us
D is hard, but once it all settles moving on is easier
hopefully in time, we continue to heal and in some cases a new freindship of some srt may happen
we did all we could and I know you have

I understand the running feeling with new guy
the betrayal,hurt and madness of MLC will probably haunt any new R for some time
good that you are working through it
no guarantees anywhere, but to maybe enjoy and live for the moment
be the best you can
ANd try to be happy
peace

Thank you so much Peace and I wish the same for you.

"good that you are working through it
no guarantees anywhere, but to maybe enjoy and live for the moment"

That's all I can do peace. I keep trying to let go of the past and appreciate "new" guy for all of his goodness. It just gets hard sometimes, all that I see at times is the bad, or what he's "lacking" (for lack of a better word). That may sound terrible, and it does, but I'm being honest. I also know that some of that comes for missing XH still. Your right though, all we really have is today. I am trying to appreciate that for what it is.

I have learned so much through all of this. New guy doesn't see like I do, or understand my thinking alot of the time. I can't explain it to him. Only someone that has gone through a life long M ending so suddenly in D, or someone that has faced death or imprisonment, would really understand.

I live each day to the fullest. I appreciate each and every second. If I find myself afraid of something, I hold my head up and plow right through it. I don't want to leave this world with any regrets.

blessings,
TOH

And so he spins, and spins, and spins??? I don't get it, even after 3 years!?!?!

So, XH's neice, (like a daughter to me that was in my home ALOT growing up) is getting married June 12th. Of course I am invited. Well X got word the other day that I was going to be there. He is throwing a fit. Saying that I cannot come because OW is going and there is the restraining order. He argued some with the neice and now has not talked to her for about a week. She is torn. X is in the wedding and the closest thing to a father she has ever known. So she calls me last night crying. To tell me that I cannot come. If I do, X won't. I told her to not feel bad, that it was okay, and not her fault. We talked for awhile. Then decided I'd come see her before the wedding when they were getting ready. Later she calls back and said that her mom talked to X and that OW was now not going to come. (pouting because she now knows that family wants me there and not her) So i guess I am going at least for just the wedding.

I can't believe that he can be so selfish and self centered. I don't know this man at all. I wish I knew where my H went? I feel so bad for Neice. I cannot believe that he continues to hurt the ones that should have been the most important people in his life. I still would like to know what I and D18 ever did to him to deserve all the hurt he has put on us. What happened? I don't get it.

And to think, what a month ago, he was calling me crying that he missed me and needed me to tell him it would be okay. WTF!?!?!/

Well XH agreed to the agreement for CS. I will take care of what
s left on the divorce fees (800) and he will not make me pay him back the CS (over 3000)!! Hurrah for me. It's about time something went my way. It's about time he had to pay for one of his mistakes. Anyway. I got the signed papers and that's that, well if the judge approves.

Haven't heard anything from him. D18 did say he called her the other night and asked her to come in to his place to BBQ. First she's heard of him in a month. She took it wrong. I told her to appreciate the effort. She said no, I said nothing. I wish they could repair things at the least.

Nervous about the wedding. Pray it will all go okay. Going to call the county sherriff and check with them about the restaining order just to be safe. Wish me luck..

OH
Hope the wedding goes ok
I dont think we will ever really understand what happeded to our spouses
thjey seem so different
like a total stranger
I have not even spoken to mine in 6 months since he went dark and moved out west
Its probably for the better
no more craziness or inconsitant behavior
no nothing
so hang in
I am starting to let go with my new BF
I beleive he is a better man than my xh
The guard eventually comes down and we trust again
It is really US we need to trust
wqe will know
we will make good decisions in this R
I try to see BF goodness and IM trying to verbalize thatto him
all the positives
that is what is best for the R and for us to practice
The past is over and It didnt work change may work
peace

Do you get to bring a guest? Can you bring BF?

oh heck no!! That would surely bring trouble from X. Now way would I do that to niece, BF, or me! Anyway. I've been pretty upset about this whole thing. Niece wants me there, I don't want to miss a minute. But because of X's cruelty, selfishnes, insanity, and my stupidity, I can only go to the wedding. (OW will be there for reception and dance) So the other day I called the county attorney and asked about the restraining order. He said if I'm there and OW shows up I have to leave. I said "even if it's MY niece" he said yes. GRR So Now I'm worried. I don't trust X and her. What if she's there, I don't see her and they call the law. I don't want to miss a momement but is it worth the risk? Now I don't know if I'm going to go. Don't know if I should. BF says not too. Afraid that X is just crazy enough to do this.

I talked tabout it to my x sister in law the other night. She doesnt think he would do that, but she didn't think we'd get divorced either. She thinks th bottom line to all of this is that he's just p*ssed of because I didn't come running when he called me crying last time. I told her I don't think so, it's just cruel what he is doing. I told her, they got what they wanted. We are divorced, he got his OW, she got him. They have they're life together. She got my H, my family, my life. And for one day they can't be human enough, have a heart and let me see my niece of 22 years get married. I don't understand how people can be so selfish.

Tanks for listening all.

sorry for the bad writing, having trouble with this thing. When I get to the bottom of the reply window,i can keep typing but I can't see it. it won't scroll down.???