Hi all ... thanks so much for the support! I am in a much better place already. I am going to reread all of your posts and address them over the weekend.
Welcome M&H ... google it ... or go back a couple of pages and click on my link to PEI Beach Pics ... it's a place ...
Saw H briefly this evening, all I said was something along the lines of "yeah, sorry about that, I'm working on it" and left it at that. He said he appreciated that.
He texted for by BILs cell # and I let it sit for a couple of hours and then answered.
I've decided to get myself a hard covered journal and name it "Dear H:" ... I'm even going to tape his picture inside the front cover ... then when I feel like saying something to him I'm going to write it instead. I'm hoping this will help with seemingly difficult to control urges to talk to him. I figure it will also help me identify any issues I need to work through with my C or DB coach.
Anyway ... it's getting late here and getting a good nights sleep is high on my revised priority list ...
Thanks again everyone ... Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
MH - PEI?....think Island in Canada. I'll bounce over to your thread now.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I'm up on my own two feet, dusted off and PMA rebuilt
Thanks for telling me what I needed to hear, I think I'd be in the looney bin by now if it weren't for you guys ... knowing y'all have either been through it or are going through it makes me feel not so lonely.
Lets see now ... who first ...
Grace_O: Great idea ... used it yesterday when I saw him for minute ... just said "I'm workin' on that" and left it at that.
fudwoman: Thanks girlfriend! Nice 2x4, and as Jack said - your credibility is just fine!
Originally Posted By: fudwoman
does the action, behavior etc. I'm about to do move me closer to detachment or closer to being invested in a particular outcome - if it's the latter - don't do it - change course
This is awesome ... and I knew it, but reading it really made a difference.
Jack:
Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans
Avoid crazy town in the future
Yes sir! No arguments here! And you are soooo right ...
Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans
If you are going to drive through crazy town...at least do it because there are no other options...not because you read the map wrong.
Yeah ... no kidding eh ... spinnin' stuff in my own head ... certainly not the most helpful behaviour! I need to learn to deal in facts, period! And even then ... mostly ignore them! One of the most helpful things I read was ....
Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans
Even now...I think about the OM...every now and then. 4 years later.
I am sure I think about him more than my wife does.
Reminds me that I'm not crazy and healing happens in stages ... and that all of it is perfectly normal.
Eric:
Originally Posted By: ericmsant2
You may be thinking that you cannot recover from the backslide. Well guess what YOU WILL!
I was! And I am ... thanks!
TG: lmao!
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
Did he just call you some kind of root vegetable?
Whatever it is it doesn't sound like a compliment...
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
... Continued ... grrrr ... hit edit to finish it but it timed-out on me before I finished and I lost it when I sit submit! Oh well!
M&H:
Originally Posted By: Marked&Healed
So, I drew my own set of scales, with one side very far down and on that side I drew my marriage, me, the kids, the house, the dogs, and the other side, I drew nothing – just emptiness. Then I hung it near my desk as a positive affirmation that I will eventually win out the scale game.
I love this! I too am a Libra so this is a good visual for me ... I'm going to use it!
Originally Posted By: Marked&Healed
No to the M counseling, for much the same reasons that Eric says. You’re just not ready for it, it may introduce an additional dimension that throws you off course. He put it excellently.
I agree whole-heartedly, especially now! I do not want to do anything that causes H to shift focus back to the M ... he is focussing on himself and I need to continue to focus on ME. This is where we need to be.
Originally Posted By: Marked&Healed
PEI, I don’t think you ruined anything, but you have to stop pressuring him. They put it very well, you have to stop pressuring him.
Sure felt like it yesterday, but you are all right. Hiccup. Get back on the DB train. LEARN FROM IT.
Thanks again all ... it's nice to know I have a place to come where people do not think I am crazy!
I'm GALing tonight with 2 of my sisters - an art gallery opening and maybe some dancing.
Tomorrow is our rescheduled 'family day' for H's birthday and I'm going to focus on having fun as a family. I'm making homemade pizza for lunch (I make REALLY good pizza), we're going bowling in the afternoon, out to a restaurant for supper and then I think I'll rent "Where the Wild Things Are" to watch together after supper (it was H's fave book as a kid, and it's now S5's fave book too).
Sunday I am going to take the kids to my parents for the afternoon to visit and have supper ... we haven't done it in ages because Sunday is always 'family day' now.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Ok ... funny story! So the other day when H said he only got one voicemail on his cell, and didn't get it until the morning ... I was like "whatever!" ... Anyway ... H calls me this morning, chuckling - turns out I had left the first message at his work # (and that was the one with the details in it!) and then the second one on his cell - and all it said was basically "I left you a message, would you call me?!
OK, if I hadn't learned my lesson already ... this would have done it! Stay out of crazy town, especially when you're there because you've read the map wrong ... right Jack?!
At least H called me and we shared a laugh
PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
So H calls me again, this time to tell me he bought his cigars for the golf course (he quit smoking cigarettes 5 days ago, and in an attempt to remove the one really big temptation, ie. the golf course, he has decided to take a couple of cigars every Sunday) and when he got back to work, he had one. I said "oh yeah" (info here: he has lied to me several times over the last 5-10 years about quitting smoking and it was a MAJOR bone of contention between us - massive fighting surrounding this). Had a nice little chat about cigars etc then I said I had to go and get some work done. He said "talk to you later".
Funny man.
PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Ooh ooh, post your pizza recipe if it's not a secret. Always looking for a good one. I use Peter Reinhardt's crust recipe (google it, it's a killer)
Well ... it's nothing fancy ...
We actually use the Kraft Pizza mix when we're in a hurry (which is usually with 3 small kiddos!) and I like the biscuit type texture (sometimes we make homemade dough too and I always put pizza seasoning right into the crust ... oregano etc). I like lots of sauce and a layer of cheese on the bottom. My family are real meat eaters so we add cooked ground beef, scramble fried italian sausage, pepperoni, salami, ham, diced up hot dogs ... and then for the grown-ups tomato, green peppers, pineapple, mushrooms, onions and black olives .... top that with a healthy dose of mozzarella and some parmesan ... and voila!
Told ya it's nothin' fancy (I love gourmet thin crust but can't get the kids to buy in yet!) but it's always a hit!
PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Hi PEI, was just shutting down for the day and thought I'd stop by to say hello. Hey thanks for all the great advice and support this week - it meant a lot and was very helpful. And so nice from a fellow Canadian! I of course am waaay west of you, but I visited the Maritimes for the first time, last summer (Halifax/Annapolis Valley/Peggy's Cove areas). Fell in love with it all, and can't wait to go back again.
PS that's the same 'recipe' we use for our gourmet-home-made pizza too! Keep up that great PMA! Take care, PG.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Hi PG ... H and lived in Calgary for a couple of years back in the late 90s. I loved Calgary ... but knew I would come back to raise kids and be close to our extended families. Southern NS is beautiful ... but it's got nothin' on PEI ... next time don't miss out Thanks for dropping by ... my PMA returns much more quickly now than it used to, and a big part of that is the support I'm getting here.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
