So ... how do I deal with the now? If it's not raining he said he was coming over right after work to cut the grass .... otherwise I'll see him tomorrow morning when he comes to drive the boys to daycare ...
Do I apologize for bringing it up? A quick sorry and then leave it at that?
Do I pretend it didn't happen? Just be cordial and distant?
Also ... is me telling him that I appreciate him taking on responsibility pressure? I want him to know that I do see the work he's doing and the improvements he's made - that it's not going unnoticed.
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I don't know that I would say anything with regards to last night. If you find the words coming out of your mouth or he brings it up, just say it was a moment and "I'm working on that".
Instead of thanking him for taking on responsibility, how about just a nice "thank you" when he does a specific task.
Hi PEI, Ok I might not have a great deal of credibility here but this is what I've got to say: Do you brush your teeth everyday? You may wonder why the hell I would ask such a thing - here's why - I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume you do engage in daily dental hygiene - You brush your teeth everyday because you recognize that clean teeth are not a once and for all thing - you have to keep at it regularly - get where I'm going here I think detachment happens along the same lines - you see some detachment on your part and assume you're there - but the reality is it's a daily - sometimes hourly - sometimes moment to moment commitment.
When you ask how to detach - the answer is - it's a practice. You can train yourself to ask the key question - does the action, behavior etc. I'm about to do move me closer to detachment or closer to being invested in a particular outcome - if it's the latter - don't do it - change course.
I don't think there is any quick fix - no recipe - no Mc-detachment. You have to just slog through it one step - one moment at a time.
How do I know this? The school of hard knocks - livin it baby - every day and trying desperately to stay on course. Whoever said it's tough when they are right in your face - INDEED!
I hope that was even remotely helpful.
A
M - 46 H - 47 T - 20 yrs M - 19 yrs DS 7yrs DS 6yrs DD 4 yrs Bomb - 4/3/10 My Sitch
As long as you post like that your credibility is fine.
If you live up to even a half of what you just wrote you'll be fine. : )
Hey Pei, the sharing of personal information here is against the rules (Terms of Agreeement)you agreed to when you first signed up to post here. Sorry.
Divorce Busting IS on FaceBook however, and many people here are fans of it. the rules are a bit different on FB.
Avoid crazy town in the future, You are as ingle parnet. Sorry deal with it, cowgirl up. Next time, call someone else or next time bundle the kids up and take them to the store with you if you have to go at 11 pm. They are kids so they are grumpy the next day...they get a longer nap.
You know what the sad truth about the OW/OM is from my point of view?
Even now...I think about the OM...every now and then. 4 years later.
I am sure I think about him more than my wife does.
BUT ( )
I do not let that affect my interactions with my wife.
But my path and where I am on it is ... far... different than yours right now.
If you are going to drive through crazy town...at least do it because there are no other options...not because you read the map wrong.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
When you ask how to detach - the answer is - it's a practice. You can train yourself to ask the key question - does the action, behavior etc. I'm about to do move me closer to detachment or closer to being invested in a particular outcome - if it's the latter - don't do it - change course.
Little by little you get there. FTR - I'm 8 months in and still working on it. It takes time. It's not easy but you will get there.
You may be thinking that you cannot recover from the backslide. Well guess what YOU WILL!
Keep your head up.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Hi, PEI, I just got caught up on your thread over here, so forgive me for going back so far.
My H is a Libra and drew a set of scales on his hand once. He said this is what’s going on in my mind, and drew the scales. I asked which side was winning and he said it depends on the day. So, I drew my own set of scales, with one side very far down and on that side I drew my marriage, me, the kids, the house, the dogs, and the other side, I drew nothing – just emptiness. Then I hung it near my desk as a positive affirmation that I will eventually win out the scale game.
Quote:
What if the moon were made of spare ribs? Would you eat it?
LOL Just say yes so we can move on.
No to the M counseling, for much the same reasons that Eric says. You’re just not ready for it, it may introduce an additional dimension that throws you off course. He put it excellently.
And btw, still don’t know what PEI means… I guess I’m just not that bright. Duh… 
PEI, I don’t think you ruined anything, but you have to stop pressuring him. They put it very well, you have to stop pressuring him.
And finally, the azi comment had me rolling, thanks Jack.
Hey all, go see my thread. I didn't want to hijack PEI's but I posted a statement/question re: her question - which we see a lot - which is what if it's not MLC, how are things different. I'd like input from ya'll. (Sorry to my southern friends, I'm a Yankee, but getting ready to vaca down south... LOL)
) 
