Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Husband left me 3 months pregnant...

Thanks NM. H called crying hysterically, barely could breathe but all he really said was he was so sorry he makes me so upset. He hates that he did this to me and hates that I cry and am no longer happy. But he doesn't care enough to do anything about it. I told him if he ever changes his mind or thinks he wants to work o things to never tell me. I don't want to hear it. Its too late. I don't want to hear he might have feelings for me in a year or 10. He didn't love me now when I needed him the most. He never respected me enough to say hey what's wrong with me, she is a decent person and deserves better. I owe her that much to go talk to a shrink or IC or Mc for at the very least my son. But I didn't even get that much. I will probably be upset that I turned the papers in, and it is against DBing rules, but there wasn't a chapter in DBing about WAh and their PG wives. At least not yet.

But I gave the papers in because I am tired of questioning his ever motives. I didn't do this to get a reaction from him or to show him I'm srious. He doesn't care.

"But he doesn't care enough to do anything about it".

Did he say anything to that affect, BD?

Follow through with what you wrote. Things will need to be readjusted after the birth cos you can't stop him from seeing your baby, can you?

I was very moved by your post..and it's not against DBing rules to sign divorce papers. Sometimes it's the best thing to do - for you first, and then for the relationship. Walking Away is avocated time and time again by the vets.

"He didn't love me now when I needed him the most. He never respected me enough to say hey what's wrong with me, she is a decent person and deserves better. "

I will never, ever understand this either....

You're an amazing person and you are going to be fine.

(((BD))))

I just read the letter. I am hysterically crying. As someone who is new to the boards and in my first trimester, I am so moved by your post. I pray your H wakes up. You deserve the world!

This is what hurts me the most and shocks me to my core:
"He didn't love me now when I needed him the most. He never respected me enough to say hey what's wrong with me, she is a decent person and deserves better. "

Gatsby, I sent the email this morning.

Piamo, he didn't say that he didn't care to do anything about it. But his actions don't show otherwise.

I didn't do it for a reaction. I did it for closure. I've been so up and down lately I'm exhausted. Everyone kept telling me the past few weeks that I was happier and looked better, and truth is that I was. I felt my best, looked my best, and was happier than I'd been in months. I loved knowing H was going to be their for S. But then friday, I was bombarded w lots of questions from people not understanding the relationship, and so on. I started to have expectations (against all efforts) and my heart was again broken. This was a bad weekend. I know H will never change his mind. I know this is the end.

This is my fate.

I will continue to post. As I need the support now more than
ever.

Papayachic,
So sorry you are on here, but it is such a beneficial tool to post and chat with others and read others stories. When are you due? Sad to see you're going through the same hardship as many of us on here. Be strong and keep the faith.
Will be sure to look up your thread.

BD

BD, we're here for you and rooting for you. Promise to post here first if you start to want to contact him again, OK? I hope we can provide some helpful advice.

You might be right about it being the end. But I think you Walking Away is not something you have truly done before. This will be good for your equilibrium, but also might start to turn WH's head once and for all. I am so pissed at him and all our WH's. Their selfishness and immaturity is irresponsible to the point of being dangerous.

Couple of other things not sure if I already mentioned them
-H said he does regret that he left
-Regrets that he sprung D papers on me and acted so quickly (but not because he feels differently)
-Says over and over that he was in love with me, loved me so much, thought we would always be together
-said he genuinly wanted to help me and be there for me now
(totally cake eating in my opinion)
-cried when we spoke, guess he thought I'd always be fighting for him
-says he will still be there for me and baby and the birth etc.
( i kept saying NO WAY)


You are right Piano, I never walked away. I am now the WAW. But this isnt a tactic to win his heart. I think its too late. I was naive and roped in and truly believed the friend thing couldve evolved into something mre...still think if i let it go it possibly couldve... just i am not strong enough. Not without giving me an inch.

Last we spoke, I told H that i now owe him nothing. I do not have to be polite or nice, or want him to bond with the baby. I do not have to share first giggle and first walk etc. as we are no longer friends (I know this will kill him, dont care). told H that he never cared enough to go see a shrink to see what his mental issue was and that never was anyone so darn confident that he leaves, files for D and is 100% sure in 5 months. he still will comment, no one is ever 100% sure... but his actions show otherwise.

i was walking in the sun today and said, ok, so I am divorced, I will raise a baby alone. I asked him to pick up the D papers on Monday, as of several hours ago, the papers were still there. I have no doubt in my mind that he will pick them up and file them quickly. Its strange I have no hope... zero... zip...
I can honestly say I am not wishing him back or wishing he'd change his mind. I feel its all too late.

i have birthing class tonight... going alone. And a doc appt tomorrow... going alone. Have to seriously think about birthing coach... and so much to do to get ready for baby... alone.

I sort of mentioned this to H and he replied with you're not going to be alone... YOU HAVE ME!!! WTF!!! Seriously!

I need a vacation!

"I sort of mentioned this to H and he replied with you're not going to be alone... YOU HAVE ME!!! WTF!!! Seriously!"

This is pretty curious behaviour. I'm not sure I understand it either.


He regrets that he left??? Would he be willing to go to MC or even separation counselling given that he has acknowledged that? You could say "I think both of us will regret it one day if we don't undertsand what happended to our marriage" or "It would really help me to understand what happened to...". etc.

A birth coach is a great idea, and I don't think you will miss WH in the birth. I didn't miss my WH AT ALL (and I thought I might). I was so concentrated on what was happening & frankly he would have been useless.

Still struck by how much he keeps saying he wants to be part of the baby's life and help you (my WH doesn't say this, remember, so for me it sounds like one psuedo positive for down the track).I guess you need to set some boundaries if you ever start up contact with him again.

In your state, how often (like how many hrs a week)can he legally see his newborn?

Yeah...my WH said that to me often.The last time was something like "You're not a single mom! I will always be there to help you with S!"

And I clearly remember calling him all distraught when S was 2 months old, wouldn't breastfeed or take the bottle for hours and I wanted to get help from the nurses on call but he would cry if I put him down. I asked WH if he could please come over for a couple of hours to help me and he said SORRY, I CAN'T. I told him that I better find someone who I could rely on in an emergency then. And he said if it was an emergency I could always call him. So I said "ok if I think S is dying I can call? But if he is just sick or in distress then it's not important enough?" GRRR!!! I hung up on him and I called my aunt and they helped out.

BD just do what you need to not think about your H for now. D won't make him go away because legally he still gets to see your baby. But you have every right to just IGNORE HIM until the baby is born!

Still come get the papers. Day 3.

Piano, it was the first I heard him say he regretted leaving. I didn't ask about MC or SP because I know his answer will be no. I'm not understanding his behavior. My family thinks he is just simply immature and don't know what to make of him. His sister emailed me over the weekend to say she is sorry for the way he's acting, and she is angry bc he doesn't see what he is losing, and when he does it may be too late.

I don't know the legalities of coparenting/custody but honestly not sure I want to go there. We, especially He, decided long ago he didn't want the baby to have a schedule, or swapped against his best interest just because the calendar says so. I will cross that bridge if need be and when I get to it. I know that nothing can legally be done until the baby is born anyways. I hope it doesn't get to that point. Honestly that is why I was trying to stay amicable.

I'm afraid I truly lost all faith. I am not sure there is anything to fight for. I actually am going throughout the day and not wondering what could make him come back. No longer praying for him to realize he still has love for me, or wishing he'd see the light. Kind of strange. It truly consumed my life even w/o knowing it. This baby is not a reason H should come back. H says he was so in love w/ me and that alone or missing me could be the only thing to make him come back.

If I were in his shoes and had someone say to me, I'd start all over w you. We can go to MC just to "try" (no guarantees) and see if it is even possible that you and I could work. I would totally jump on it! Why not!!! He has nothing to lose. I don't understand why he wouldn't at least want to say he tried... To someday tell his son he tried. Right now I'm afraid its all too late. I told H over the past few conversations how couples can rediscover love and how there are so many methods of MC and therapy to help couples like us. I told him instead of filing for D he shouldve spent time talking to MC and IC like I did to understad why this all happened.