I think you owe it to those children to end this dysfunctional cycle once and for all. Those eyes ARE watching you, and the pattern that you've been in is NOT one that I think you want to be modeling for them as to what's acceptable in a relationship . . . is it?
He got very angry with me, and said he's "done." I told him that is fine if that is his decision; I just need for a decision to be made and to start moving on with my life, either with him or without. I asked him when we are going to talk to the kids about splitting...that I needed to know if that was in his plan for this evening before my two oldest are home from school. He sent me a text not long after saying he can't talk to the kids about it tonight; he's not in the "right state of mind" (well, that's obvious)! Not sure where things will go from here, but I'm done talking with him about this. He needs to get his life together or get out.
Good for you. Keep up this attitude. Follow through on it. Men respond much better when a woman does what you did here. Fear not. Get tough and do NOT share him. Be firm and stay tough. Tell him "fine, then I will tell the kids myself"... That should get him thinking how serious YOU are. Don't let him get away with telling you he isn't ready to tell them. Keep him on the defensive.
When he filed for divorce in March, he informed me by text message that he had filed as I was picking up my youngest two kids from preschool. I'll never forget that moment as long as I live. I was obviously an emotional wreck by the time my older two kiddos got of the bus, and I did tell them without him being present then. I did everything to comply with following through with his request for divorce, and then he came back 2 weeks later, begging on his hands and knees for forgiveness. The OW, who has a child who is a good friend of one of my children, filed for divorce at the same time, but they are following through with it, and it will be final on Monday. Truly, my husband is a broken man, which is so very sad, considering the fact that he is a very intelligent and successful attorney with a life that others dream of having...his health, a wife who loves and has supported him since beginning law school and most importantly, 4 beautiful, amazing, healthy kiddos. I think not only is he suffering from affair addiction, but also from a MLC. I do pity him, as hard as that is to believe for my closest friends and family members.
Mr. Bond, we attended counseling together once, but he felt as if the counselor and I were "ganging up" on him, which was not at all the case. He saw a therapist on his own for over a year, but was never completely honest with him; therefore, he was never able to start healing from his troubles. My husband experienced a father cheating on his mother when he was just 13 (they reconciled), and my husband's first wife left him within 6 months of being married (she just wasn't ready). He has such huge issues about being left from his past situations.
I think not only is he suffering from affair addiction, but also from a MLC.
no. the other woman is a good lay that is why he keeps going back for more. dont kid yourself with this mid-life-crisis nonsense. you are being walked over because of it.
Quote:
a wife who loves and has supported him since beginning law school
it could be argued then that without your contribution his law degree would not exist and it and the potential lifetime earning associated with such a advanced degree are marital equity and you are entitled to 50%.
dont kid yourself and dont let yourself be walked all over.
I don't know, nor care to know the details of their sexual life, but I do know that my husband and I have shared an amazing sex life together throughout our marriage. He would be the first to admit that there's no reason to stray there, and he still comes home looking for it. I assure you, I've long discarded my rose-colored glasses and with the help of a counselor, given this crazy situation a very close look, and it baffles people why he is making the choices he is. Much of it is tied up in this texting/emailing relationship, because I think it offers him ways to say things he'd never feel comfortable speaking face to face (and I don't just mean sexually). The man has told me far more many times he loves me in a text that in person. I'm sure that's why I got the divorce bomb dropped through text. He rarely speaks to her by any other means than email/text. It is a weird relationship.
You need to care about the sexual activity. This could be putting your life in danger. This should be another guideline to you taking him back, full STD screen. Shock
I agree about the sexual activity. Not that this makes a huge difference, but she has been married for 17 years to an amazing man; her divorce is final on Monday. To the best of her husband's knowledge, this is the only affair she's been involved in, as is the case for my husband. I do not know about their current sexual activity, but do not know when they would have had time to see each other since he's moved back home. It is very much a text/email affair and always has been. Again, just a very odd addiction that usually starts up when one of them is drunk (which is often for her).
My husband as of this morning has agreed to complete transparency. I told him he gets 6 months of proving to me that he can go without contacting her, but I need to be present when he calls to break this off (whatever it is) with her and I am to have access at all times to his home and email accounts. He has even suggested moving to another town since we have to see her regularly (one of our children is involved in the same activities as one of her her kids). I told him that because of his problem, I'm not sure moving will actually change anything. Change will come when he makes the decision to STOP, whether he lives next door to her or 3 states away. I've obviously had all I can or will take with this.
