my thoughts exactly. i so wish i had seen the repair attempts and cries for help over the years but i guess no crying over spilled milk. can just try to make things better now. and like you said (and so many others!), they have to be for real and for me.
kudos to you for making real changes and staying so positive!
So for some reason I'm having a tough evening ... kinda weepy and sad, venting a bit and generally just feeling really impatient and even a bit angry at H for the situation. Knowing that it's not doing me any good ... knowing that we've just begun our journey and if I'm honest I have many positives ... knowing that H needs this space and time for himself and that if I love him as much as I say I do then I need to respect and honour his needs ... knowing all of it and still feeling crappy.
Then I open my inbox and I've gotten the following email from The Secret:
"Pure love has no conditions or boundaries. Love does not restrain itself or hold back. Love gives all the time and doesn't ask for anything in return. Love is a continuous flow without any limits. And all of this is inside you."
It worked ... going to bed feeling much more positive ... good night all :o)
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
So ... H called re $ stuff ... he's taking on emailing the broker and arranging for some pics of the cottage ... total 180 for him! Told him I appreciated him taking it on and that it lifted a lot of pressure off of me. I also mentioned that we have a few things hanging over our heads re $, and he mentioned too that we need to figure out some scheduling stuff re making time available to do the work at the cottage.
I mentioned that he must find it confusing to deal with me now, since I am open to negotiations and now understand that it takes time for two people to figure out what works. He agreed that dealing with me now and dealing with me pre-bomb is waaaay different. He invited me for supper, and I said that I had a meeting this evening, but I could come for a quick supper ... I also forgot my change of clothes.
Baby steps ... it is what it is ... just supper with the fam. Going to keep the conversation really light and let him talk if there's something he wants to talk about. No R or M talk at all!
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
H is also trying to quit smoking (one of his goals ... which he told me the other day he actually wrote out!!!) and last week he went to fill his prescription and found out the insurance wouldn't cover it anymore. 180 for me: I told him he would figure it out ... so, he calls me this afternoon to tell me he went to see our family Dr. and asked him for a prescription for an anti-depressent (which doubles as a smoking cessation aide) and then filled the prescription! It was covered and it only cost him a couple of bucks! This might sound silly to some people, but him taking care of himself like this and problem solving is a total 180 for him and I am so proud of him! He is finally taking charge of himself and his responsibilities (and yep, to be fair, I did it all so it would have been difficult to step up - he still should have, but I certainly didn't make it easy!). He noticed it was raining and said he had to go (darn - I usually try to sign off first but he beat me to it this time!) and said a cheery "see you at supper".
I have to admit that I like the fact that he calls me to chat about this stuff ...
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I mentioned that he must find it confusing to deal with me now, since I am open to negotiations and now understand that it takes time for two people to figure out what works.
You were fishing for a compliment. I.E. You were hoping he noticed your change...similar to actually saying you changed. You got away with it this time but stop doing it.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Ah ... call it what you want ... I say the best of friends tell you what you NEED to hear! IE ... do these jeans make my a$$ look big? No sweetie ... it's not the jeans
Thanks again Jack, I really appreciate all the support I'm getting here. It's nice to have the women here but I'm really finding that the men especially are able to cut to the chase ...
Don't get me wrong ladies ... keep 'er coming ... I need all the help I can get
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
