Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I'm just scared all the time.

So you did it to make her happy and more comfortable and so she'd have more time with your kids?

I think puppy would tell you appeasment doesn't work.

It's good to be nice (so long as you don't let open disrespect go unchallenged--healthy boundaries are good). Why couldn't you do more around the house and spend more time parenting when you aren't out looking for jobs?

All my unemployment goes to our joint-account. I don't have a debit card for it. I make a point to not use more than 10% of my share of the income at anytime. When I was employed, she worked off and on. She and I wanted for her to be a stay-at-home mom until the all kids started school. Unfortunately, it rarely worked that way. My income was decent, just not quite enough to make it without help from her.

So you have at least as much right to be there as her, and you have just as much responsibility to keep things up and parent as her.

I think you should move back in, help keep up the house, be a better parent, and do some serious job seeking.

I thought I was. IDK what to think anymore.

I am still actively hunting for a job. I WANT a job. I hate not having work.

I am trying to be a good parent. And a better one than I am.

How are you going to do that when you aren't spending time with your kids because you have moved out?

I think you need to move back in, and then post more detail here to get better advice. If she asks why, say I have decided not to abandon my family.

Good. I would also suggest not leaving the home. It is tough to be a better parent when you are not there.

She doesn't WANT me there. She wants to stay friends. She wants me to be an active part of our children's lives. She says she just doesn't want to love me anymore. When I'm there I help with the house (do the laundry, dishes, play with/care for the kids, mow the yard). I even still fix her car (I was a mechanic for my whole professional life.) I hunt for work constantly. I have even given up on a good job and just hunt for work. Even applied at fast-food and grocery stores.

Something about this rang a bell. What types of unrealistic plans? How unrealistic?

How were you irresponsible?

That house is your home too, and I'm of the opinion that if she is the one that wants to split, she should be the one to leave, provided all things are equal.

Are you in counseling?

Job loss is a tremendous blow to self-esteem. It's conceivable that you were depressed. That it took you a month to get motivated to finding a job, and are still jobless, says something about your state of mind. Nothing to be ashamed of, but something to explore.

Maybe she is seeing this as you just being "lazy" and/or "irresponsible." But, maybe something else is at work, here.

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OK, so what do YOU get out of this deal? You are giving up your home, your time with your kids, and so on, but what do you get for all of that? A divorce?

If it were me having gone through what I have already gone through, I would let her decide if she was willing to give all that stuff up before I just gave up.

So let's see...

You pay for the household expenses.

You help out in the house.

She wants you to be involved with the kids.

BUT...she doesn't want to love you and doesn't want you around.

What's wrong with this picture?

It's all about HER. First thing you need to do is man-up and get your affairs in order. You have a right to be home. If she feels uncomfortable, then she needs to leave. If she does, then she has to pay for her own living expenses.

Start commanding respect from her.