Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy He's Loving the Freedom of the 180 - Now What?

Can you expose this to the school newspaper? I mean if the Provost is allowing teacher-student affairs, than...
No names would have to be named. Just interviews with anonymous people and I think that would be some heat on the Provost...

When is she supposed to get a job?

Is your husband so addicted that he is letting work slip? If he is spending hours with here, how is his work productivity? How can the UNiversity not care?

I mean this is defnitely affecting the other students!!

If I'd had the money to leave him when I found out about it 2 yrs ago, I would have. I'm a stay at home mom with an unreliable income I have from a part time internet business. My parents are deceased and I have no family in the area to move in with.

He was actually pretty kind and loving right up until I exposed it last year. It drew them closer together and pushed us further apart. I have plenty of intel - cell phone records, emails, gift receipts, pictures. I don't want to divorce him, but I can't take this emotional abuse much longer.

The state we live in requires us to be separated (not sharing a bedroom) for 6 months before filing for divorce. He initiated the inhouse separation and started all the late night stuff right after that. I'm Dbing, and am seeing conflicting signs as to whether it's working or not. I have an appt with one of the DB coaches tomorrow and will formulate a plan from there.

I've got 29 years and 3 kids invested in this man, and I'm not in a hurry to end it - just shake him up a bit and snap him back to reality. I know the guy I married is still in there somewhere. He comes out when she's not around...

You have to be able to protect yourself and children financially.
If he moved out I see this as his attempt at filing in six months.

Everyone here states that a lawyer consult is ALWAYS needed for your protection. Does not mean that you will file but you will will know what you are entitled to in case he does.
I am sorry, but I really feel that he himself has consulted a lawyer. Sorry.

Don't let him shock you with the D paperwork. Have yourself mentally prepared and legally prepared. Document like crazy and makes many, many copies of your evidence and hid them out of the house in several locations. You must do this!!

How old are the children? Can you expose to them? Many here believe children should know when old enough, I agree....

If I go to the paper, they'll know it's me. I'm going to stop doing what doesn't work, even if it's morally right.

She's suppose to graduate and get her doctorate in the next few months. He has not mentioned where she's doing her post-doc, but my guess is she's planning to do it with him or someone else in the dept. Why would she go anywhere else? If she DOES do her post doc somewhere else, she'll be gone in a few months and he may return to his former self. I can hope.

He is not letting his work slip. He's always been very conscientious and has always worked long hours, which is why it took me so long to figure out that something was going on. He is DEFINITELY giving her preferential treatment and even said so in the police report. It's called "unfair advantage" and is reason for dismissal from the program. But they're not going to do anything and she knows it.

In the email, I accused her of Academic Dishonesty, among other things, and she took extreme umbrage to that. She was on the verge of being kicked out of the graduate program when my husband took over as her advisor, and now her publications are in top peer-reviewed journals. Hello! She didn't get there by herself, and it doesn't take a genius to realize it. She can take being called a slut and a homewrecker, but not academically dishonest? It all speaks to character! I honestly don't know what's going on in that lying, scheming head of hers...

About the school newspaper. I think that it would definitely put heat on the provost. Who is above the provost at the University? Is there an academic athority outside of the school that can hold the Provost accountable?


I really strongly believe that other students would file complaints about the preferential treatment.

I could see the headline: "Want an A, have an affair with your professor, Provost states it's ok"....

He has consulted an attorney and told me so. I have the name of an attorney but have not called her yet but I will. I am hoping for a reconciliation but will get things in order legally and financially so as not to be blindsided come October. ("Hope for the best, plan for the worst.")

My kids are 12, 10, and 7. I told them daddy moved to the basement because he's in the throws of a mid-life crisis. The older two know something's up, and the 10 year old has started acting out at school. My guess is it's only the beginning...<sigh>

Don't worry about financially supporting yourself if you end up separating/divorcing- he will need to support you for awhile at least since you have been a SAHM. Check with that lawyer!

But as for the current- you live with him, you have to ask him for money, he is throwing the A in your face, he is treating you like crap, this has been going on for 3 years?

Let us know what your DB coach says. If your 180s are making some changes in him, great but odds are they won't be enough to make him end the A. (I did 6 months straight of loving 180s and my WH (who is physically separated) still wants to D! So I am doing something different since obviously the advice I was given didn't work to get him back!)

The old hard line approach of you moving out or making him move out and then cutting down contact to just about the kids may be your next big move.
You exposed
You are making positive changes in yourself
You are doing 180s of not making his coffee and doing his laundry.
In your state, if you move out or he moves out can you be charged with abandonment?

Here is a question about the money--any chance you can use a joint credit card (or his) for expenses and just pay it off every month? then you can avoid "asking' him for money which is a form of abuse!!! think about all the ways he is exerting his power over you and being controlling- even if he wasn't that way before and isn't that way normally, he is that way currently!

LOL! They would DEFINITELY know it's me!

I was on another marriage board and learned that prof-student affairs are very common in universities and there's a long-standing practice of looking the other way. One woman said she's seen some profs 'high fiving' each other in faculty meetings for banging various students. Another said in her 25 years in academia, the only time she ever heard of a factlty prosecution was when it involved a female prof and male student. Unbelievable!

The police told me they'd been sent by the Provost to investigate this because he didn't want it getting into the paper. Imagine that! The only time they care is if there's bad PR potential. I told the detective I wouldn't do anything else at the university level. If I was feeling particularly vindictive, I'd just go back to the other board, round up the other university wives, and call up the Associated Press - maybe right around graduation time. Wouldn't that make for some salacious press? The detective nearly sh*t his pants...

He's been in the affair 3 years, I found out 2 years ago, he's been treating me poorly off and on for about a year, ever since I exposed the affair the first time.

Flaunting is not the right word. He doesn't talk about her and when he was at a school function that I know she asked him to be at, he mentioned he was there for another student entirely. Still lying-by-omission, for whatever reason...

OMG! He just winked and called me by my nickname as he left for work. Where did that come from?!!

I say do it. Go to the Associated Press or use CNN i-reporter. I mean these people graduate and go on to be doctors, lawyers, teachers, etc. Do people really want someone who did not earn their degree but screwed someone else to get it?