Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Moving on with my life #2

Saturday morning..woke up a bit blue. Need to fix that. Feeling somewhat lonely. Strange how there are periods of time you feel ok about being alone and making your way alone and then there are times where it just hits you. Started yesterday when I was watching this movie about this couple that survived all sorts of issues in their marriage and worked it out in the end. Mad at myself that I didn't see someone like exh coming in the beginning. How I could have gone back over and over and looked th other way so many times thinking he will change.

Rainy weekend here. Kids will be gone in a few hours so its just baby and I.

Smile..smile...smile.

Oh exh is supposed to come this morning too. He managed to come for 35 minutes yesterday. He did say that his d15 was at his house sick waiting for her mom to pick her up. She came home to his house from school for an hour. He said they are not getting along and she never stays there....why does that make me feel good? Why does the fact that his d15 is pulling away from him make me feel good? I would be sad if it were my d doing that.

You feel good about it because it reasures you that it wasn't all you. I experience that sometimes too. When D22 completely moved out of her dad's because she couldn't take it anymore, and then was telling some of the issues, I couldn't help but feel somewhat satisfied. She confirmed some of the things I thought were his problems in our marriage, that are still problems he has. She saw them and acknowledged them and that made me feel better cuz it confirmed that it wasn't all me.

I hear you guys. But remember too, that even if the X h somehow "shows up" for a kid, or turns into super dad, it could mean two things that STILL mean it wasn't all you in the M.

First, some guys make terrible h's but happen to be pretty decent, or even good dads. It's weird but true. They may love the kids so much and put their egos aside OR want so much to look good in front of their kids OR Second, they really want to compensate to the kids for their failures inside the family that lead to the break down...hey, that really is a good thing we can all hope for. Those are the guys who are just better dads AFTER a divorce than they ever would have been before. IT may suck but my own brother was a negligent dad while m, and though he still doesn't see his d now as much as he should, it's more than when he was m to her mom b/c he'd dump ALL responsibilities onto the wife then. So being a single dad was kinda good for them...

Either way, doesn't make my brother any better of a h. He stunk at it. He's remarried and still stinks at it but now he's got an excuse as he is overseas---Afghanistan and he keeps "re-upping" so...whatever...his new w knew, or should have known what she was getting into b/c we told her--"he's fun and smart and won't cheat but he's NOT an attentive h!" it's just not in him to put a lot of energy into a relationship...and she married him anyhow...they don't have kids and won't.

ANYHOW, gotta go, but Hey, S2, everyone has those days and like you, I am affected by the weather a great deal. It's why up north where the sun does not rise for months at a time, would have killed me.

At least we know our rain here is temporary...so curl up and watch something fun.
j-

The other possibility-

Been a long weekend. I hope by tomorrow I can snap out of the blues I am having. Feeling really tired too. That doesn't help the attitude.

I wish I could go back to bed and sleep and watch Lifetime movies all day

Thank you Gineen. Hope you are feeling better.

I agree with you on..I didn't do everything right, but did not deserve what I got.

I am now sick..ugh. Must have been building yesterday and that is why I was feeling down. Sucks having the flu with a 2 year old and no help. I seriously want to crawl in bed and sleep. Not going to happen though.

I am feeling a bit better this afternoon. I slept some when baby went down for her nap. Hoping it will be gone by tomorrow. Baby and I are going to my moms for dinner tonight...she made me chicken soup and I can take a hot bath while she hangs with baby for awhile.

Exh called 3 times and I ignored. Finally on the 4th call I answered. It was off of his work phone and he said he broke his personal phone and asked if I had a spare..LOL Yeah right! Like I would give it to him anyway. I was short and to the point...almost like he interrupted me. I said I didn't have a phone and have a good day..talk to you later and hung up.

He then asked me via text if i was upset or something. I didn't answer and then he asked me how I felt threatened by his MGF. That came about because of a comment I made the day before. He said something and I said no way...your mgf has made it very clear and has threatened me more than once via text and in person. He must be thinking about it.

Doesn't matter anyway. He can be with who he wants as long as they leave me and baby alone.

Quietly lurking along when I read your summary that should be the DB Motto!

Take care. Back to lurking.

Agreed!
Oh, and Gardner..no need to lurk!

hey, just remember, that just because your H didn't change doesn't mean this can't or won't or never can happen with either him or anyone else. Just sometimes people take forever to get it, or they need a piano to fall on their head. and of course you didn't deserve that even though you made mistakes too. But just consider your experience to be a huge lesson learned, and that you can help others too perhaps to notice the signs that you missed yourself.

We must also realize that everyone has problems, just some are bigger than others, and no matter who we end up with, there will be issues, but we still have a great impact on those problems when we learn to change ourselves...it's not about letting them walk all over us, but making healthy changes and figuring out what works and what doesn't and stop doing the things that don't work. These are lessons that we need to hold on dearly for the rest of our lives so that we can have better R's with people in the future.


what I believe, you need to look at this a completely different way. If your H turns around, it's because of what you have been doing now and what you will be doing in the future. Because right now, you are the only consistent healthy boundary he has. Everyone enables him but you. and you will be a presence in his life no matter what because of D.

I still believe you will be the one person that makes a difference in his life (if you continue to be this mentally healthier person that is) but it will be a long time when it happens.

hey, and it's okay to be lonely sometimes, that is perfectly normal. and especially if you were getting sick, it makes perfect sense. just take care of yourself as best as you can.

fyi, to prevent the flu, get as much vit D as you possibly can.

Thank you ST...feel much better today. I have always disliked being sick. I am not one to just lie around so its frustrating to me.

I am the only one in exh's life that has boundaries..that is why he calls me Satan to other people. Yes, I hear it. I am the worst person in the world to him. He is also getting worse I fear. His brother (now sober for 1 year and on fire for God and being sober) told exsil that exh is getting worse and trying to hide it. He sees it and says its a progressive disease and he is "on his way out". That thought is sad, but also terrifying to me. I HAVE to make sure I can prove that fact for baby. I am her advocate and her voice if/when it becomes an issue. I may have brought her into this world with a an alcoholic father, but it does not mean he has to impact her life in a negative way.

Getting baby ready to go to church playdate so I can study...oh and the sun is shining, I have chicken marinating so we can bbq tonight for dinner!