You are one of the very lucky ones....listen, at the risk of sounding a little harsh; you spent the weekend at aterrific resort, your kids had a blast, you pampered yourself, your hubby was great......so WHAT if he did not mention your job????? Perhaps he wanted to keep the weekend posit haive!!!! I sense a little nitpicking..... How much connection did you have during the last three years? How much connection does a "normal" couple actually have with our hectic schedules.....patience grasshopper.......you are where most of us have dreamed of being....enjoy it
I'm glad the worst thing you can say is that he didn't ask about your work. I understand it's important to you, but I agree that he was hoping it was an escape for you, that you could leave the worries behind. Others don't always understand how some of us find a quick venting session to be so cathartic.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
John, it's not nitpicking. It's history repeating itself that I am worried about. My job, my problems, were MINE in the past. His problems were ours. His schedule, his jobs, his committements, his trips, his late nights... I want that changed. And yes guys, I am nowhere where I was last year, but I am long ways from where I want to be. If someone told me this is it, this is the best it ca be, I would say "no thanks". I am missing "the belonging"... I hope it comes back.
As Sara/Lotus told me privately once, detachement can be a bad advice when it comes to second chance (paraphrased with my Greeklish). I am living that now. Exactly because it was a good weekend, and there was still something missing, with a perfect setting, realxed, away from reminders and hectic schedules, I was hoping I would feel something more...solid?
Well, I did actually. He said :my colleuages want to know about vacation schedule, I told them August. I reminded him that I am forced to change positions and that I have no idea since at my new job, the guys already at the dept will choose before me... He said ok.
I agree. It didn't sound like you wanted to discuss it. You just told him why you weren't exactly sure when. If you wanted it to be discussed, break the mold, and say I would like to discuss this for a few minutes. I am upset about it and need to talk it out.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
H did "read" me last night. And asked what was wrong. He shouldnt have done that.
I am always surprised at how much he "stays", he doesnt run, he listens, he insists. I told him last night that the more I feel I should relax, the more afraid I am he will hurt me again and that the seemingly easy way out of this, would be to go our separate ways, it's like an urge I have to run... Seriously. Stay away to where he cant "touch" me. He was shocked hearing my fear coming out of my mouth so "vivid" and realising that I have built up big defense walls to protect myself. He was silent. And told me to look for help. That he is worried I am looking at things so black that I cant see the white parts. That unfortunately he cant change the past. That he deals with himself as well and hates what he has done but he cant change it.
He said to look at our present and the future. I talke dto him about connection I feel isnt there, about triggers, about thought stopping, about thoughts sharing and expressing feelings.
He asked about the weekend. If I had any triggers or bad thoughts. I told him a few examples and he asked me in surprise "you are kidding right? you couldnt be possible thinking of these things when we were there!!!". Sadly I was. But I was strong enough to not let them ruin our trip.
No matter how obssessed I sound, I think my H is growing, he is learning, he is listening. And that feels good. K
