I was reading books to my kids on the sofa and my wife asked us to move to another location so she could go to sleep (on the sofa).
I asked her, "Why don't you go sleep in the bed? So why is it again that you don't sleep in the bed?"
And she answered, "Because I don't want to."
I asked, "So do you have a plan for the future."
She said, "I don't have one."
I said, "Well, I do have a plan."
She wanted to know what it is,and I said, "I'm not ready to tell you yet. Maybe later this week."
She asked, "Do you want me to come up with a plan?"
And I said, "Yes, I wish you would!"
Then I thought later that I should also tell her, " Your plan needs to involve me or him, but not both" but she was asleep, so maybe if it comes up again, I think will tell her that. In the meantime, I will work on the TSO.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
She wanted to know what it is,and I said, "I'm not ready to tell you yet. Maybe later this week."
She asked, "Do you want me to come up with a plan?"
And I said, "Yes, I wish you would!"
Ken, I have a very simple question for you:
Why do you want to leave the planning for the potential endgame of your marriage -- and your intact family -- in the hands of someone who doesn't have its best interests at heart right now???
Destroying your family with an ugly divorce Reconciling and exploring rebuilding the marriage
THAT is the choice you are pushing and the one you want her to make... do NOT make this a choice between TWO MEN.. that makes the OM on EQUAL FOOTING to YOU.. he is NOT an equal here, YOU are the husband and family protector, the OM is a PREDATOR... Do NOT ROMANTICIZE this nonsense by telling her to choose between TWO MEN
She's choosing
HURTING A FAMILY HEALING A FAMILY
That is the choice youw ant to present her with... ok?
UPDATE: I went to church with my kids this morning and when I got back, W was not home. I was pretty sure she met up with the OM but I didn't say much. I was just about to go to a national park with the kids and she came home. They wanted her to go too and I said, "You're invited if you want to come." So she came.
While we drove, she said, "When we get a divorce, can still I come with you guys on trips?" I laughed and said, "That's not happening; I can't do that. You have to choose between helping your family and hurting your family; between destroying your family and reconciling your family."
Later as we drove I was telling her about a female coworker of mine who offered to give us a plane ride. She said, "Is she single?" I said, "No." She said, "Shoot!" as if to say, "Oh, too bad, because otherwise you could hook up with her." I said sarcastically, "Oh, but being married doesn't matter, does it?" (I said this because the OM is married.) And I said, "And she has kids, but that doesn't matter either." (I said this because OM also has kids.)
When we got back home, I was planning on taking the kids out again and she was trying to figure out how she would handle a time conflict at her work and she said about her boss, "I already gave her my word." And I said, "So all of a sudden you want to be a person of your word." And she said, "Can you please hurry up and leave?" So we left again for awhile. Now she is sitting outside in deep thought.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
My wife went out "shopping" today and I took the kids out to eat. When I got back, I noticed she had been talking to the OM on the phone and she stayed gone for two and a half hours when she said she would be back in 20 minutes to help take care of the kids.
When she finally came back, I was working on filling out the temporary separation order, but that didn't even phase her. She just sat down to watch TV. I asked her if she had a place to go if she had to leave and she said, "I can't believe you're kicking me out when [OM] is moving in a month." I said, "I don't know that for sure."
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
I probably should explain a little more how things went down. The original plan was that I was going to take the older daughter out to shop and eat and she was going to take the younger one. But the younger one protested strongly, saying, "I want Daddy! I want Daddy!" So we decided that I would take them both out to eat and then she could take the younger one since I like to spend one-on-one time with each kid every other week and today was the older ones day to be with Daddy. But I ended up taking both of them while she went shopping. While I was at a restaurant eating with the kids, she called me on my cell phone to ask if we were still eating because she would take another 20 minutes. But when we got home, she was gone and I noticed by the phone logs that she had just been here and had just left and remained gone for another 2 and a half hours. When she got back, I was filling out the TSO, but she didn't seem to care at all and went to watch TV. But she did say, "I can't believe you're kicking me out when [OM] is moving in a month." Not sure what else to do now. I feel like I'm in limbo.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
Just keep going Ken, she doens't want to leave, that's a good thing... you have to push her out of the open marriage setup she's steered you into...
No more pleasant choice a, your wife now has to choose b or c remember?
Just keep pushing her in those directions.
The other thing you could have said when she protested about you "kicking her out" is
a. I am not kicking you out, YOU are choosing to destroy a marriage rather than to rebuild one b. I need someone who I can rely on as a parent and partner... YOU were supposed to help with these kids, but you were too busy on the phone with OM instead... You're a crap mother
