Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers What does this mean?- the WH's regrets?

Yeah, just going to do the nod. Glad I thought about it if it comes up.

Sunday at 8 pm is set.

Heh NM, just read in your thread about anger and that's what I was going to post!

Up at 4 am because I dreamt I saw WH and I just got pissed. I don't know about being back with him. I don't know.

Rather dreading Sun at 8. And then that night will probably suck (probably lots of tears) and then I'll have to try to recover on Monday. And there's no work to help me do that! So I need to stock my schedule with people who relax me and make me happy. I should make some phone calls tomorrow.

I actually DON'T like vacations and time off work anymore. Work makes me so happy, it's sad when I can't go in. So, yeah.

I escaped through my work, too!

Well on MOnday I will go watch Sex and the City2 (even though it got bad reviews). Do you see movies alone? Of course I would rather have company but don't mind being alone either.

Here is the thing about anger- like I said in my thread,I didn't really feel it until recently. At least not consistently. And then I am now able to "drop the rope" and let go! Of course I am hoping that WH will notice this and stop me from leaving but at the same time I am truly 100% ready to leave (the WH version of him) if he doesn't.

I post it here on your thread because I wonder if your H really knows that you would be willing to walk away from him? Do you think he does?

Hey! Had a good morning: cleaning, swimming, good music, walking, and now getting ready to meet some friends for lunch.

So much better mood than in the middle of the night.

And yes, I totally go to movies alone. Might do the same as you on Monday!

Yeah, I think he totally knows that I will walk away. In fact, I think I basically did. He tells people that I left him (I think) which really makes me mad because I didn't. It's just that after he said to me that he was done, I said fine, moved out, and NCed. (After trying to convince him some.)

I've only been "nice" for the last month. He seems to respond well to that. But since he wanted us to be friends from Day 1, I am worried about it. But I'll keep it up.

(I'm the one who brought up D in March, and he started crying on the phone. So. . . )

I'm interested in what he might have to say tomorrow, if anything. Apology? Parenting plan? Divorce plan? Let's-try-counseling? I don't know. We'll see. Maybe just nothing at all.

K, gotta go!

Hi G! So much to catch up on!
I think best to nod and say nothing if he apologises. It's not "OK".But saying anything more...well, what's the point? It's also good to tell him you will always love him, even if you decide he's not the one for your future.
I totally think it is right he comes to your apartment. You are late term pregnant..you be comfortable, you call the shots.
With the bub due anytime now, you are the one in control.
He turned your life upside down, now the power comes back to you.
(I don't mean to sound like I am encouraging being controlling, it's just a fact that being the mother makes you powerful, esp at birth time & just after).


good luck sunday... i hope it brings baby steps and/or peace ...

May i say with your sitch (and i've been thinking about it alot his past week) , i think NC was a great decision on your behalf...no regrets, G! hugs xxx

Can't wait 'til you finish the post on your thread, P! You sound soooo great, and that really makes me happy.

You're right-- what's the point? I'm on the same page fo sho.

I guess I just want to update about how I'm not really stressing. . . maybe I'm avoiding tonight's meeting? Not sure. Fortunately I went to a barbeque, then talked to my sister about family drama, and in an hour I'm going to a funky little work party. Then I'm going to come home about 20-30 minutes before he and I are supposed to meet. Want to make it here on time. (I've already said numerous times that I would be pissed if he were more than 10 min late, so I guess I'd better make sure i'm on time. :))

So. . . I haven't quite thought of a goal. But I like what P said. She hopes that I find peace from today's meeting. (And baby steps, but peace is what I like the most.)

So goals for today:

1) I don't 'go off' (don't think I will, but it's still a goal)
2) I get help with carseat and Ipod
3) I stay polite but distant, with plenty of half-smiles and open eyes
4) He feels more in-tune with the baby by feeling her move, seeing her closet and prep, and asking me questions about her
5) I can't control this, but I hope he keeps the conversation on positive topics or at least sets more serious things in a positive tone

Ultimate hope: Peace. Peace that he can be a decent father, peace that I did the best I could do at the meeting, peace that "the worst" didn't happen.

It's weird for me because I'm "cleaning" for him. Thing is, I always cleaned for him. Even though I don't cook (eyeroll), I love to clean and I like to clean FOR somebody. I would like it on the weekends when he would leave and I could have a couple of hours to clean everything and he could come home to a nice apartment.

I guess that's one of my LLs (acts of service) because I'm conflicted about doing it now. I go back and forth between "I should leave it dirty for him" to "I should clean it for him" to "I would clean it for any guest, and that's what he is." I had the most peace with sentence #3 so that's why I cleaned everything nicely.

Okay, well, I'll let y'all know how it goes!

lol Gatsby! I am laughing at the turmoil over cleaning because I understand! Maybe he will have a flashback to a positive memory of how you used to clean your apartment for him...

Your day sounds fun! I will be checking back...can't wait to hear if he feels your baby! Those look like good goals. Yes, you CAN control whether or not the conversation stays light- you can say "let's talk about that later" or something to diffuse if he gets negative. I don't know if that is the best expression but it is an example. You can change the subject and talk about baby. Of course that is IF you don't want to talk about those things.

Good luck but you don't need it...you are strong on your own!

Thanks, NM, and good point about how I can keep the convo light. I did forget about that.

Fortunately, I didn't need to use it.

+ He texted instead of called to say he was here. I called to direct him in. (He texted at exactly 8:00.)
+ When I stepped outside, I saw he was already there. In spite of ourselves, we both smiled. (I think he smiled first.) It really was in spite of myself, and it was also very natural. That was our only smiles, though.
+ FORTUNATELY a male neighbor I had talked with earlier today was outside, and he nodded and smiled at me.
+ I let WH in and showed him all the baby stuff.
+ I asked him to help me with an IPod thing and he took care of it in 5 seconds.
+ I tried to get her to move. She did, but she didn't stick out her foot. He didn't feel anything. (It was kind of awkward, you know, to touch my stomach.)
+ He walked around the apartment and studied everything.
+ He asked about my family, my job, what I do in my spare time, etc etc.
+ I asked a bit about him. He said he's cooking. He also said he's trying to establish a routine, but it's really hard.
+ He showed me a picture of what he cooked that he took on his iphone. It looked nice, and I pointed out that it had olives which he loves and cilantro which I love.
+ He said he could try to install the carseat. It ended up taking probably 35 minutes. He was rather frustrated. I was apologetic. Then I realized I was apologetic and I switched to just being appreciative. I specifically said "I really really appreciate this; I could have never done it myself."

(I'm watching the SNL thing and a slim Horatio Sanz is SO HOT!)

+ I didn't want to end with such frustration, so I asked if he wanted frigerated club soda. He said no. I asked if he was sure and he said okay. So I ran in and got him some. I'm very glad I was able to do that. I know it's something he wanted.

So then it was kind of awkward and we said bye.

Oh, I forgot that he said he liked my apartment so much, he wished we would have moved here instead of to the place we did.

Bad stuff:

+ He didn't appear too interested in the baby. Asked nothing about her.
+ He cried a couple of times. (I don't know if this is bad, but it's not good.)
+ The carseat was pretty frustrating and probably reinforced his whole "I can't do this" feeling

Good stuff:

+ He was VERY curious about me. Just straight-up.
+ He expressed appreciation for the items I left him when I moved. I left him things that I knew he cherished. He said that at first he was very angry at me for taking so much. But he said that later he realized that I actually left him a lot (this is one time he started crying) and he was really grateful that I did.
+ He was successful with the IPod and the carseat,which helped me, and I was appreciative, so I hope that it was worth it.
+ He DIDN'T say anything bad, which I was really worried about.

Oh yeah and he asked if I had made any friends with my neighbors. I talked about a pregnant gal that I'm going to hang out with. I wonder if he was talking about that guy who nodded at me. We actually saw him twice, so. . .

Overall, I have peace. I am worried about his fatherhood still. He didn't embrace that as much as I hoped he would.

But for this meeting, I'd count it as a success.

Ha ha, I just heard from my friend that a guy at the barbeque today thought I was cute. She was letting me know that he told her. Heh heh, WH, you'd better hurry up!