Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Could it be?

Upside

Hi What you are doing makes sense
as glam has said maybe there will be progress once you move on
as long as you are ready to let go if the progress doesnt happen or H takes a turn further away
even if you continue to stand with no filing, there is no guarantee as you know
you have been here a long time
its all a risk and we have to decide what is best today for us
you can walk away with no regrets and you are definitely a winner
you gave it your all and it may still change in your favor
and you sound as if you have thought it out well
you will be ok

peace

Hey Upside,

At times it all fells like a crap shoot. I had a friend ask me yesterday how I can live in limbo for so long. The truth is, I don't see it as limbo. I have my goals that I work towards and my D's to raise. In answer to your question about D's oldest graduates this week and is going to community college. youngest has 3 years left. They are amazing

I think I know how you feel about his not moving in the direction you'd like and being "painted in a corner". One of the things I use to get upset/angry about was that I was doing "all the work". The truth is, I have to, because I'm the only one it matters to. I know that that is very simplistic and believe me I have my moments still. We are what we think and I work hard at using positive talk and goal setting. "I, for one, am very interested to see what's going to happen next."

You will find where you want to go and a path to get there. Look at the strength it has taken you to get here.

Take Care.

HUGS

Still no word from my H...I am not surprised.

I was pretty upset last night...I was talking to a friend of ours who said my H told him 6 months ago that he wasn't sure he wanted to be married. I was so angry about it, when I got home last night, I was punching the pillows on my H's side of the bed. What my friend told me made me feel so used...I do understand it part of the MLC MO but it still makes me angry.

I think my H is out of town tomorrow so I don't think the divorce papers will be filed...unless he left instructions for someone else to do it...that wouldn't surprise me either. It doesn't matter, I'm done pushing for anything right now...it doesn't matter, the damage has already been done on both side.

It amazings me to think about that we would be going along just as we had been as long as I hadn't rock the boat...but since I did, we completely flipped over and capsized. He was obviously at the controls and could handle the few small waves I made...very sad.

glam-I am happy to hear that your H is making progress...I hope and pray he continues. There would be nothing better than for him to be home with you and your kids. As far as my H goes, I have been sitting back and watching the show...I thought it was going to have a happy ending but it looks like there is a big twist and the end. I have always been a hopeless romantic so it isn't the way I like to see shows end and I really doubt there will be a sequel cause the first show had such a bad ending.

peace-
You always are able to encourage me even when I am doubting myself. Thank you. I hate the way this is turning out but I think I always knew it wasn't meant to be. I think I just convinced myself that thing would get better. Who knows what the future has in store but I am just taking it a day at time right now...however I am preparing myself for the worst. Regardless, as you say, I will be okay.

Grace-
Of course your daughters are amazing, they take after their mother!!! Glad your oldest D is staying close to home...I think in most case, it helps to make the transition easier for everyone. I can see what you are saying here, however I want to be a team with someone where at least some of the things that matter to me, matter to him as well. I like your positivity and goal setting...something I definately need to work on. I will get there.

The more I think about it, I have just given my H a way out...he will just continue to blame me for the divorce rather than look at himself. I tried to minimize it by letting him know I don't want the D, but I think he will still find a way to twist things around in his mind...and he will be the jilted one!

Thanks everyone for your input. In some ways, this has been a hard few days for me to get through. I am fine and will make it through regardless of what the next few days bring.

I am a big fan of the band Lifehouse. They have a couple of fairly new songs that just keep going through my head...here is one...

Had Enough

Loneliness pacing up and down these hallways
Second guessing every thought
Mystified, just spinning around in circles
Drowning in the silent screaming with nothing left to say

Every time I reach for you
There's no one there to hold on to
Nothing left for me to miss
I'm letting go, letting go of this

Lost my mind thinking it through
The light inside has left me too
Now I know what empty is
I've had enough, had enough of this

I believe that love should be a reason
To give and get back in return
(To give and get back in return)
I wanna breathe in a new beginning
With someone who will wrap his arms around what's left of me

Every time I reach for you
There's no one there to hold onto
Nothing left for me to miss
I'm letting go, letting go of this

Lost my mind thinking it through
The light inside has left me too
Now I know what empty is
I've had enough, had enough of this

I'm tired of barely holding on
To something that's already gone
I'm tired of being one who's in this all alone

Every time I reach for you
There's no one there to hold onto
Nothing left for me to miss
I'm letting go, letting go of this

Upside,

Thank you for your kind words about my D's. They are truly the best and worst of both my H and me. I like to see the best parts in them and encourage that, but sometimes I see something that I don't like in myself and let me tell you it is really a motivatior for me. Lol.

My D's and I like Lifehouse alot too and just saw them in concert. They were really good. I really like "It is what it is" off that cd.

I get what you're saying about the team thing. I think that some if not most of the things we had in common with them and mattered to us still do. They just don't want/can't to see it.

What you said about giving your H a way out resonates with me big time. Truth is, he's always had that though.

You hang in there. You have so much strength that I know you will use it in positive ways for yourself and the kids.

HUGS

Got to love those lyrics they seem so befitting for both of us.

Let's just say my h WAS making progress. Setback now! That is why the evaluation phase. It's ok, I had no expectations.

How about lunch on Thursday June 24th? I will be hanging out in Catalina Island on the 23rd with me myself and I. Love it! You are welcome to join me if you like.

Keep moving forward Upside. You are doing amazing!

Grace-My D & I have seen Lifehouse in concert several times. My D gave me their new CD for Mother's Day. "It is what it is" is the other song that keeps constantly playing in my brain...even when I'm trying to sleep...ugh!!! I'll post the lyrics.

I'm not sure what matters to my H anymore and I'm not sure we have much in common anymore. My H has a whole different set of priorities now than when I married him. Maybe he just put on an act for all those years...who knows.
True that he has always had a way out but I believe he will now not feel as guilty because he can think that I was the one who wanted to the D.

You have inspired me to put together a list of goals and things I would like to do. I think I need to fine tune it and get a little more specific before I post it.

glam-I'm sorry to hear you had a setback again. Good thing you are able to have no expectations. I think that was my problem...even though I tried to have no expectations, I still did.

We can plan for the 24th. I would love to meet you at Catalina but it is my D's birthday that day. Let me know what your plans are...maybe we can figure something else out to do. After all, it is good for us to stay busy...right!

It is what it is by Lifehouse

I was only looking for a shortcut home
But it's complicated
So complicated
Somewhere in this city is a road I know
Where we could make it
But maybe there's no making it now

Too long we've been denying
Now we're both tired of trying
We hit a wall and we can't get over it
Nothing to relive
It's water under the bridge
You said it, I get it
I guess it is what it is

I was only trying to bury the pain
But I made you cry, and I can't stop the crying
Was only trying to save me
But I lost you again
Now there's only lying
Wish I could say it's only me

Too long we've been denying
Now we're both tired of trying
We hit a wall and we can't get over it
Nothing to relive
It's water under the bridge
You said it, I get it
I guess it is what it is

Here it comes ready or not
We both found out it's not how we thought
That it would be, how it would be
If the time could turn us around
What once was lost may be found
For you and me, for you and me

Too long we've been denying
Now we're both tired of trying
We hit a wall and we can't get over it
Nothing to relive
It's water under the bridge
You said it, I get it
I guess it is what it is

I was only looking for a shortcut home
But it's complicated
So complicated

Maybe we can spend the day together on the 24th. I am open to any and all activities. Maybe the beach, a movie, shopping, lunch, Melrose Drive, tattoo shop, body peircing. You name it! Ha Ha Ha!

Well it's hard not to have expectations. I can't say that I didn't want to have them, but I already knew in my mind it would be short lived and my expectation became my reality.

Until my h processes everything we can't move forward, same with your h.

Upside

the songs are great
makes you realize so many going thru similar stuff
I recently posted lyris also- so close to the MLC situation
Ill meet U guys for lunch!
peace