So this week I've been getting my ducks in a row for the "Cordial Divorce". We can be reasonable about almost everything and this will be non-adversarial. Our MC offered to mediate our negotiations, but can offer no legal advice. I'm not even sure that is necessary, but it is an option if needed. We really only need limited legal advice (look over agreements, documents, etc). I contacted an attorney, but I don't think he is right for me. He wanted to go the more traditional route of full legal representation.
My question is:
How do I find an attorney to just take a limited role in the D? One where I can do the legwork and the W and I can hammer out the main points and the L looks at the details.
Hope you found an attorney willing to take on a limited role...I had my sister (an atty) refer me to an attorney friend of hers that she knew through the Iowa Bar...
I literally met with Dan, talked out issues, then typed up the whole thing and took it to my attorney. He only had to tweak a couple things to make sure we followed the 'letter of the law'...in fact he literally cut-and-pasted my custody/visitation table and put it in the decree! Through the entire process I only had probably 4 face-to-faces with my attorney and only two that took more than 30 minutes. And I never set foot in a courtroom and H never came to anything, just got his form notarized when the time came.
I can ask my sis if she has any referrals for your area. Sounds weird since she works in Iowa, but she has friends in Madison and she also used to work for a big firm in Chicago so she has a lot of connections...
Well the attorney I spoke with definitely was the "traditional" type who wanted a $3,500 retainer and $200/hr. Not very necessary in this case. I've been spending more time on a different D forum looking for technical answers to D procedure. This certainly would be easier with an attorney, but much more expensive. There is a Wisconsin poster in the D forum who did the entire procedure with a WAS out of state. Mine should be much easier.
Wisconsin has pretty easy DIY D procedure. We have already formed the Joint Petition and Stipulation for Temporary Order. We just need to determine our valuation of assets, what to do with the house, our agreeable split of asset/debt. She really isn't happy about the fact I paid for everything bill related (mortgage, utilities, insurance, internet, cable, everything..) and she could sock her money away in retirement and investment. Now she has to split that and she does not like it.
I guess if you want security, don't have an affair, walk away, and ask for a divorce.
As far as how I've been doing, it's tougher since we have already had more contact than if we had done everything through lawyers. We will have to meet a few more times, but I'd just like to limit our contact, so I can continue detaching. Plus, I really hate that "I just want you to be happy" crap. It sounds so disingenuous. Blech.
Yeah, "I want you to be happy" is irritating, and, frankly, bs to me. Really, you want me to be happy that you cheated and walked away and gave up? Why, so you don't feel as guilty?
I mean, if they wanted us to be happy, how about honoring commitments and demonstrating real love and fidelity!? Sheesh!
Anyway, I hope you guys get it all worked out quickly and without too many complications...I paid my atty a similar # up front but got half of it back at the end of the process, so it turned out okay!
I asked her the first week after she left, "So, since you moved out and are living the single life. Can I start dating too?" She said, "Well. It would make me feel less guilty if you were seeing someone."
I only said it because I was hurt and didn't really mean it, but that should have been a huge red flag.
I guess now I wish she would drop it, because I am happy.
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Anyway, I hope you guys get it all worked out quickly and without too many complications...
Any personal feelings aside, this should go as strictly business from here on out.
What's with the act like she is the victim here? Puh-lease. Do all WAS do this, or just mine?
Since we never addressed the affair in MC, I left future MC totally up to her and we never went again. I box up her stuff and suddenly I'm the bad guy?
She sits on divorce papers for a divorce she wanted. And says cryptic things like I've "already indicted her" about the affair. WTF?
