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I hate to say it, and you can take this with a grain of salt, but the way you present those things makes it sound like she is planning on staying in the house with your son and having you leave.

I hate to say it, and you can take this with a grain of salt, but the way you present those things makes it sound like she is planning on staying in the house with your son and having you leave. [/quote]


I've thought the same thing. When she started this loan modification she mentioned that it will be good for the situation "even if we end up staying together" Both our names are on the paperwork, but I have to wonder if there is a master plan behind this.

I know you thought the same thing: you basically told me what you were thinking.

From this, I can tell you aren't comfortable spending a lot of money on a house you may not be living in. So... on plans for the house, just tell her you will think about it unless she presses.

If she presses, then I guess you come clean and say you don't want to put a lot into a house you aren't sure you will be living in.

My best guess is that the OM manager from work is still in the picture. See if she's comfortable returning a passionate kissing session that you initiate. Women in affairs will usually rebuff you if they're interested in someone else, as it's like cheating on THEM.

Yeah, sick, I know. But please be careful.

Puppy

Fighting, at the very least your W appears to be wavering, don't you think? "believe nothing they say and less than 1/2 what they do" So don't be discouraged by her talk of the loan on the house.

Just wanted to throw in other forms of affection that are not super aggressive but sweet:
patting her arm, squeezing her shoulders, squeezing her hand, hug, sitting close on the couch, pulling her feet onto your lap and holding them while you watch TV, sweeping her hair off of her face or neck

but these tend to be a little "saucier:"
back rub, foot rub, hug from behind, swat on the tush or grabbing her by the waist when she walks by...

My W is sending me such mixed signals I'm not sure whether I'm coming or going. Last night we ordered dinner and she asked me to sit right next to her on the couch. I enjoy being close to her but she never returns any of the affection that I show her.

We watched a movie in bed and went to sleep. I will certainly try these techniques that are suggested and see how she reacts.

On another note how do you really know if there is a OM??? I don't want to snoop anymore, I find it consumes my day. She has plenty of male friends on her FB page but I want to trust her and rebuild if we can. She has told me that the OM is out of the pic, and I totally over reacted to the sitch... I want to believe her but it's still unsettling that she confided in OM.

I've been reading a ton of other sitch about detaching yourself. I'm curious how I can do that when we live in the same house, still share the same bed.

Is it wise for me to ask her to move into the spare bedroom while we figure things out? Should I just keep doing what I'm doing and act like the go lucky guy that isn't worried about losing his W?

Thru transparency. Once there has been infidelity in a marriage, the cheating spouse needs to agree to transparency to make the other (betrayed) spouse feel safe again in the marriage. It sounds like you guys never discussed this, never agreed to it, and now you DON'T feel safe.

Not sure what to tell you. You say you want to trust her; has she demonstrated that she is worthy of your trust again?

Puppy

She may either be off-and-on with OM manager from work, or -- now that I re-read your sitch -- that may have cooled, and her FB contacts (and continued unwillingness to work at the marriage) may be that she's trolling for OM2.

Puppy

My W and I had discussed the OM for about a month off and on. She seemed ashamed at first and then started getting angry with all the questions I would ask weeks later. My MC said I should start trusting her again if I want this to work.

Currently there are no signs of her having an A, at least a physical one. She's home everynight and she calls me more often when we aren't together. I'm just not sure anymore, and I'd hate to let my guard down.