Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Can it be...a MLC??

I like this ^^^^

LOL!

Stillt we also have a little fun around here...

Have to take a breath here. Thanks so much folks. I will be jumping on later, but I have alot of homework/thinking to do.

Hope this holiday weekend is fun filled for all of you.

Hey Still;



Double right back at you.

Do not wallow in this...I mean of course you will but MAKE time to have fun this weekend too.

Alright?

No one who has spent any time here and GROWN (important word there) regrets this MLC their spouse is on...what they regret is the ammount of time they wasted uselessly before growing.

Did not get through everything on detaching, but that is the goal today. Not to get through it, but to absorb it. Spent an evening and morning pursuing and got my first ILYBIANILWY moment.

Combine the rejection with feeling like weak cheese because I could not stop myself and you have for a rather crappy start to the day.

New day though, so I just have to move forward. W said she just is not happy with me and cannot live her life that way. She asked if I had received info from corp. lawyer (we have free legal service) I said yes and told her some things. We talked about some financial things coming up as well.

This is what started it all, because soon I was asking why she wanted to go down this road without at least TRYING some therapy, and people can fall back in love yadda yadda yadda... I am a pretty good talker and I just tried to fall back on my strengths and I guess in some horrible part of me, play on her guilt to get a positive response to the therapy proposal.

I must say it is an understatement to acknowledge the sitch is completely mentally and emotionally exhausting. I still cannot figure out what she is even! I asked if she was happy with her life and she said yes. Just seems it is me that is the problem.

Back to reading, because I do not know what it is I have here, and reading is at least proactive and better than the nap I feel like indulging in.

ST, It really doesn't matter what your wife is you still DB the same. Do not pursue, beg, plead, etc.

That said, the major difference from my understanding between a WAS and a MLCer is that a WA will plan for the event. They will save money, look for place to live or plan for you to have a place to live.

MLCers show confusion about it and some just up and walk away without thought to consequences or how it will affect others. They have no real plan. Depression is also a big factor for the MLCer.

Hope this helps some.

wELL SHE HAS NO PLANS, BUT CLAIMS LIFE IS GOOD. nO CLUE. jUST HAVE TO GET THROUGH THIS WORKDAY AND KEEP DIGGING. Oh sheesh, see I even have caps lockitis. Sure sign I am befuddled.

Still

As hard as it may be right now don't worry about if she is an MLC or WAS right now. The first thing you need to do is calm down.

Now this may be hard for you to understand but NOTHING you do right now can make it better in the next day or so BUT you can do things that make it worse.

Please stay calm. Try and get out. Go for a walk. Cry (not in front of her).

Go out with the kids. Do everything you can to give her space. Please do not follow her around like a puppy dog.

Do not watch her every move - do not look for a sign that she has woken up or realized how wonderful u r. Just don't look at her - let me repeat leave her alone for now.

Did you read the post that OP sent you? Now about you - tell me a little about YOU.

Eric

Read Michele's article here on her home page about the WAW symptoms.

Still

I can relate to how you are feeling. Do a search on my name and read up on all of the mistakes that I made initially. You really need to detach right now. Stop worry about what can, maybe, what if - stop it. It will do no good. It will only feed your fear.

Hang in - you really can do this!

God Bless
Eric

Stilt

She knows this and this why she is running. One thing you need to understand regardless of whether W is WAW or MLC...

Your M is dead...

The old one anyway.

Everything that used to work won't.

There is a saying around here

You can't talk your way out of something you acted your way into.

Baby steps Stilt. Do 180's this will at least stop the bleeding so to speak.

Don't have R talk with her right now.

If she brings it up just LISTEN.

Don't argue with her.

You will have to detach. This is HARD.

She has already detached from you.

Detach doesn't mean you don't love her and want her but it allows you to get to healthy place.

Listen don't dwell on this man. Have fun this weekend.

This place will be be quiet anyway ok?

What am I doing on here? I gotta go!

Hang in there Stilt.