Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Maybe I didn't blow it?

Another thing. Maybe you both need to be friends now and just ride it out. Maybe the whole serious conversation about where your R stands is what freaks her out. Like you're putting too much pressure, KWIM?

if you're going to start dating, then date, without putting labels on anything. Don't bring up your R or the D unless she wants to discuss it. Just ride it out. Continue GAL and just see where it goes.

I am trying to do the same and have zero expectations. To me, that's my biggest downfall. I expect too much, rather than just worry about myself and just take it as it comes.

Timeheals... I think you're right, and I am going to go dark and see if she brings it up to me again.


And she IS right about her complaint about me. I DID ignore her completely. Seriously, she isn't just making that up.

And during our talk yesterday we also talked about HER issues that caused our split... It wasn't just pile on me.

YES!

This is what I want to do!

This is what I FAILED to do last month.


I mean, seriously, 2hrs into our first date I was already pushing her to "get back together".

Yup. That's how I am. We'll have a few great days and I'll *feel* like things are back to normal and if he does one little thing, it sets me off.

I ignored my H too. we had kids and I reprioritized and made them and my career #1 and put him on the back burner, figuring he would always be there.. Well, surprise, surprise, he ended up finding someone else to provide him with the emotional needs I wasn't providing. What he did was not right. He had a choice. Never gave me one. BUT I do see why it happened. He harbors so much anger and resentment towards me because of it. Right now, that's my biggest roadblock. You see, I believe I CAN get over his A (little by little!), but he is having a harder time forgiving me for how I treated him. I just have to believe that in time, things will work out for the best. I just hope it's us being together.

I know how tough it is. I've never fought or wanted something more in my life than this.

That's a good thing. So you both feel like you're being heard.

Yeah, I can't stress enough how the talk we had was so positive and productive. It was like while it was happening I was thinking "is she really saying this stuff?" because I was just waiting for her to freak out on me and start getting mad... And she never did.

It was a big deal for us to talk like that... To me, at least.

It probably was for her, too. When you can listen and really hear someone out, it's truly a gift. And it seems it happened for both of you.

I feel like I need a plan now...

My preliminary plan is to go dark now... Maybe a month, and see what happens.

I understand that no matter what this is gonna take some time. We've only been separated for 3 months, which isn't that long, really, so I'm not expecting anything to happen right now.

I feel like if I give her some space now, and some time, and then see if she still wants to get together we might be on the right track.

I really don't wanna do anything right now but GAL, PMA, and when we do see each other again be the most charming and attractive dude she's ever met.

That is the mindset to keep!

Ok, so looking at this from a DR point off view.

My goal would be to have a good date with my wife at the zoo.

What are my actions to make that happen?

1 - PMA
2 - Give her space, and give it some more time before we actually plan a day. (prbly a month)
3 - No OR or M talk.
4 - Being charming and attractive


Bingo.

I think I got it.