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Ok, so your live-in married girlfriend didn't bother to get a divorce because.....???

What I would have given to have had a crystal ball merely three months ago when I could have headed this entire nightmare off. I came across some of the notes she used to leave me in the morning when she went to work just from Feb and March 2010 and it was a COMPLETELY different world. Makes your head spin thinking how quickly things can change in seemingly an instant.

Cant believe we've spent our last Xmas together , last Thanksgiving , last New Years , last Halloween Trick or Treating excursion, last joint daughters Bday celebration , last anniversary. Hell my Birthday was just a week and a half before this all happened and she gave me some really thoughtful gifts and her Bday is next week. Man the summer and the holidays this year are gonna SUCK !!!!!!!!!

Couldnt tell ya TBH. Eventually we just didnt even discuss it , figuring we would wait until we were closer to actually tying the knot ourselves to really pursue it.

That's why you need to put your vitals in your signature line so at least we can keep a running score of how many kids you have, how long you've been M, etc.

I'm also getting a little confused. Did they have kids together?

When her H came back to live around you, did you interact with him then?

If all you had to go on was your GF's accusation of her abuse, I'm not sure if they were that severe (just guessing). Even with her family members, did they see the abuse or did she just tell them about it?

Right now what do you think the OM is offering her that she feels you can't provide?

We have been together for almost 14 years ( this August ) WAW has had FOUR kids total. VERY Premature Twin Girls by the Abuser 15 years ago and two with me, a nearly 6 year old girl and a 7 mo old son.

No I have NEVER interacted with him on ANY level at all, other then being the target of his threats on occassion, frequently in the beginning and the only one other time in the last 4 years during a random and chance encounter in public.

IIRC they actually saw the RESULTS of the abuse. All I can say is it wasnt something that ANYONE in her immediate or extended family ever questioned the credibility of.

I think the EX is providing some sense of stability at best or perhaps a fantasy of rebuilding her original family now that her twins are close to being old enough to move out on their own in a few years. I really dont know what she is thinking and so far , everyone that knows her,us and the past history with the EX are dumbstruck by what she's doing.

I think alot of it stems from the fact that she honestly resents on some deep level having to work to support our family, based on certain things she's said and passed behavioral clues. When we didnt have any kids she worked like crazy. Once our daughter was born , I really think she started overcompensating for what SHE missed as a child , since her...

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father walked out on her and her mother when she was a child, so her mom had to work multiple jobs to get by , meaning she was never home to spend time with her. She fought tooth and nail against putting our daughter in a VERY highly regarded day care center, so she could go back to work, even though it was plain as day we were struggling badly to keep up with things on only my income. Then again, she went back to work within a month of giving birth to our son last fall so ........................????

She also has an aunt/uncle she was fairly close with as a teen, even lived with them for awhile. Her aunt has NEVER had to work a day in her life unless she was bored. Got a new car every two years regardless of need, has a nice house in an expensive area. The WAW's Uncle has been a Union Electrician for over 30 years , so he makes VERY good money. He actually just wound up buying a Multi Million Dollar Firm of his own. Im really just guessing , since she certainly didnt seem to mind back in the late 90's eary 2000's when we had a fairly successful business of our own and the security and freedom that lots of excess cash afforded us. Then again , she just mentioned to me a couple weeks ago about being irritated by my so called " obsession " with money. As if not wanting tojuggle bills , and not having to park a vehicle because you cant afford the repairs , etc etc was a bad thing somehow.

The EX had a relative pass away last year or so and left him an actually half way decent double wide mobile home free and clear except for yearly property taxes. I have NO CLUE what he does for work. So maybe she's thinking it wont be a big deal if she doesnt work and is planning to be home with the kids more, especially our baby son. To bad for her Im filing for custody first thing in the morning, including a temporary order barring any unsupervised visitation anywhere he is. His violent history and arrest record is WELL documented. He was just arrested this time last year at his mothers house for domestic violence against his sister ! One of the twins called me , crying hysterically about it and the police arrived and locked him up in front of them.

First off, it's obvious you have alot of contempt for her H. It seems like you even let it slip when you're talking about the twins they had together.

"VERY Premature Twin Girls by the Abuser 15 years ago and two with me, a nearly 6 year old girl and a 7 mo old son."

You didn't have to add the part about them being premature as that was 15 YEARS ago. If you consider them your kids, then they are your kids.

When you start drawing the line between that's theirs and this is mine, you're not going to get anyone back with that attitude. It sounds like you touched on something you mentioned before about how they were looking at becoming one big family with your biological kids included. Maybe he is accepting what you haven't. It could be that your W felt that you never accepted her kids. Oh sure you say you do, but why even mention about the premature part? You mention that as if they were flawed and your kids are PERFECT.

That's the attitude that's turning her off.

Also, it would be good for you to stop referring to her H as her EX. He is her H. Whether he's a dirtbag or not, he's her H. There's a big thing perception-wise to a woman between an actual H and an EX. The sooner you understand that and respect that R, the sooner you'll be able to figure out what to do.

Based on what you said about her past, she has abandonment issues. First with her father, then with her abuse. She started feeling like you weren't fulfilling her needs, so she started perceiving that you were slipping away and would eventually leave her. As warped as that sounds, it's what happens (read any psychology book). So she left you before you could leave her. It was at that point that she went back to her H.

How much interaction do you have with her? I mean for your kids, do you even spend 50% of the time with them?

Yep , sure do. I have utter contempt for ANY "man" that raises his hand to a woman for ANY reason, unless its truly life and death. Not to mention the fact he took off out of his own kids lives for the better part of a decade and then just swoops back into the picture as if all is right with the world ?

Sorry , but I have to disagree. I think the VERY PREMATURE part IS relevant. Considering it was HIS behavior and actions that caused their premature birth.

It has NOTHING to do with me "drawing distinctions " between the twins and our two. NEVER has. THEY never called me by my first name , they called me "Daddy" , just like any other long term "step parent " might be called.

She ALWAYS KNEW I accepted the twins, NOT a doubt in my mind about that.

Oh I have NO doubt there's some part of all this that is " abandonment" related.

As far as contact with her goes ? LOL Right now its ZILCH.

On Tues I filed for custody of our two at the advice of numerous attorneys, since I have been the primary care provider for the last three weeks minimum. As soon as she caught wind of it she filed a bogus Restraining Order against me in retaliation, second time in three years shes pulled that little stunt. The last time she dropped it herself three days later. When she gets THIS angry, she doesnt think clearly.

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But since the first one three years ago was unfounded and she requested it be dropped within 72 hours, she's going to have a credibility problem. The family court judge was none to happy to hear she had left three weeks ago. He modified the TRO on the spot, giving me temp custody and the house. We have another hearing next Thur to dig into the TRO allegations and start working on the custody matter.

Then yesterday when I got home from class there was a card from an investigator from family services.

She just came out this morning. Claims of the house being trashed, no food for the baby , kids eating fastfood everynight at 9PM , etc.

Lady was VERY nice,looked around a little, talked to my daughter , actually rolled her eyes a little and even said "its clear theses are false claims, your fine and shouldnt worry about anything, I'll be closing this matter as soon as I write my report "

She even admitted when we first talked that I would be able to figure out who reported it, even without her telling me. Sure enough, it was the EX or her new man , just another level of harrasement.

I am PISSED though that she admitted to taking my laptop, that I NEED for class and a ton of other stuff and the police wouldnt force her to turn it over. She also took some other stuff just to be petty, things that didnt mean a damn thing to her , but she knew did to me. I'll be asking for the return of my property next week for sure.

So if you feel so strongly that the twins are your daughters, why did you not ask for custody for them as well?

I mean you say or would like us to assume that you consider them your kids, yet your actions don't show it. I understand that biologically they are his kids, but as a "father" if you felt that they were going into an abusive household, I would assume you would protect them as well.

Also, the way you mentioned the word "premature" makes it sound like they were flawed in some way. And even though you mention how THEY consider you their "daddy", you don't say how YOU felt about them. You don't say how YOU loved them as your own Ds. This is important because you say that your W knew you "accepted" the twins. But accepting something is different from loving something. Did she truly know that you loved them?

Right now your posts aren't showing it.

What you don't get is that currently that's how your W sees things. She sees her H as accepting and willing to love another person's children into their family. She might even believe she is wrong for betraying her husband with you (as screwed as that is) and is happy that her H is willing to take her back.

I think you really need to acknowledge it's her H so that you can see the way she might be viewing things. You've become the OM in her mind.