Thanks ... and yep, I'm working really hard on not having any expectations surrounding the time he spends at the house with us. I'm also making sure that my nights out, when he's at the house with the kids, are really good me time Nails, hair, massages, long chats with girlfriends, working with my part-time business and long walks on the beach (we have some of the prettiest beaches in the world!) are all helping me reunite with me.
I'm also sure to use the time when H is around to show my 180s, especially surrounding his parenting and me butting my nose out He is a fantastic Daddy, and I'm just realizing that all my 'helping' and 'running interference' came across as "you can't do this" or "I'm better at this than you" ... and if I'm really honest with myself, I did probably think that by times. I was wrong. Different isn't not as good ... it's just different, and my kids are going to benefit tremendously by having a loving, involved Daddy who can show them things and teach them things from a perspective which is different than their Moms.
You know ... I probably did see it a long, loooong time ago but I'm not remembering it at all ... sorry
I was also thinking that it wouldn't hurt for us to not be there every once in a while when he shows up on Thursday to cut the grass ... just enough to let him know that I'm not sitting there waiting for him. I have a life, we have a life, and the kids and I enjoy our time with and without him.
Peace, PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
(we have some of the prettiest beaches in the world!)
Bahama's, Puerto Rico, Mexico??? Hey can you mail me some sand. I live in CT - no nice beaches here.
Keep on doing what you are doing.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
You are going to be tempted to TELL him all these things your realize in yourself...
Don't.
Make the changes and live them, when he comments Thank him for noticing and then tell him what you realized. But HE has to see it, not have it pointed out to him...pointing it out...is more of the same stuff you are trying to change.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Bahama's, Puerto Rico, Mexico??? Hey can you mail me some sand. I live in CT - no nice beaches here.
Those beaches might be warmer ... but ours are just as pretty, and by August they're even pretty warm (considering it's the Atlantic!!!) PEI Beach pics!
Today, I feel good! And the ego boost at the grocery store last night didn't hurt at all! I know there will be ups and downs, but today is good and I'm learning to live in the now and worry less about the future ...
Peace, PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
You are going to be tempted to TELL him all these things your realize in yourself...
Don't.
Make the changes and live them, when he comments Thank him for noticing and then tell him what you realized. But HE has to see it, not have it pointed out to him...pointing it out...is more of the same stuff you are trying to change.
Thanks for the reminder! And yep ... it's definitely tempting! He has noticed some of my changes already - he's commented on me being more fun for example. And he's mentioned a couple of times that he keeps waiting for me to 'lose it' or 'blow up'. I just said, with a smile, keep waiting ... ain't gonna happen
I'm making a conscious effort to be more appreciative too. I'm living gratitude, and not just towards my H (but especially towards him when it's genuine and warrented - no fake stuff here) ... I'm looking for silver linings on every cloud I see! One of the things he said he did 6 years ago to try to make things better was concentrate on the little things and I never noticed ... well I am noticing now!
Peace, PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Someday TG ... can you believe I've never been south? Never been to FLA, Mexico, Dominican or Cuba ... I've never even been on one of those cheapie all inclusive trips! Sad, I know
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Hey PEI, I just got what PEI stands for - very cool. And whoever said they were in CT. I feel your pain. I'm in MA. Thank god it's not 102 again today!!!
Back to topic - I always learn something from you PEI. I sometimes convince myself that there aren't any 180s I could be doing but some of the stuff you just mentioned (e.g., not interfering with the kids) - I am really bad at that. I'm trying to find the balance between feeling good about what I am doing and not beating myself up about what I'm not doing. You don't seem to have that issue - good for you.
I think it's great you can walk on the beach - very therapeutic. Wish I could be walking there with you.
A
M - 46 H - 47 T - 20 yrs M - 19 yrs DS 7yrs DS 6yrs DD 4 yrs Bomb - 4/3/10 My Sitch
Nails, hair, massages, long chats with girlfriends, working with my part-time business and long walks on the beach (we have some of the prettiest beaches in the world!) are all helping me reunite with me. 