Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis And here I am .... H's MLC ....

PEI

I may come across as one of the ladies on these threads....but I wanted to scream when I read your post (picture a dude screaming OMG - girlfriend I can relate - I expect a few responses to the above)

Seriously,


Replace H with W and this sounds like how I felt when I met my W.

I can soooo relate to your control issues and comments.

The short term goals sound good.

God Bless,
Eric

Eric ... thanks for the mental picture ... I am still smiling

Peace,
PEI

PEI,

I am going to enjoy reading along your journey I think. You'll have some hard times and times you want to quit I am sure but you have a strength in you that is great to see is a 'noob'.

Pretty f-ing real I'd say...and that will only serve YOU well.



Doing this myself. When I first had the LBS diet, I crashed down 66 lbs. : ) I am 6'3" I can pretty much hide a Hyundai in my frame, prior to the ILBINILWY speech and affair, I was at my heaviest at 278 lbs...a disgusting slug.

Well being fat happy and stupid...not in my marriage or realtionship...except for my weight, I let it creep back up over the last...what 3 years? To 267 lbs.

You'd think I have learned....what I DID learn was the LBS diet...depression not eating and working out...

I didn't EARN the weight loss.

This time I am, slowly and surely and eating right is a HUGE part of it, as opposed to not wanting or being able to eat.

You said learning about eating to nourish your body.

Hae you ever heard of Alton Brown the host of Good Eats?

AWESOME show. Me and my boys love it. He had gained a bunch of weight and decided to make a life style change and shared it with his viewers...I was amazed and decided to follow his guidlines. 2 months and 25 lbs later... I have another 42-47 lbs to lose...even more than when I did my LBS diet. But the results are great.

AND it is all about nourishment and nothing fad.

IF you are interested:
Alton Brown: Good Eats: Episode: "Live and Let Diet"

Pretty sure there is a video or two if you search out there.



Thank you, along with putting weight back on...this was something I forgot to maintain...

Thank you.



After the first few...they all start saying the same thing in different ways.Suggest picking up an educational book instead if you want to better yourself.

You have been hanging out with Mach FAR too much Eric.

response tick = 1

Thanks J3B ... or Jack ... which do you prefer?

I am going to look up Alton Brown to see what I can find. I've used gimicky stuff over the years but I'm now realizing that my under-the-surface unhappiness and insecurity left me no energy to take care of myself. I didn't earn the first 15 lb loss, but I plan on earning the rest and ending this yo-yo forever! I'm only 5'2" and the 190 I was carrying around was killing me slowly. I do have to say that my current 172 is looking pretty fine - thanks to the curves and the new found self esteem I'm hoping to eventually reach 145ish ... I'm 35 and no stick figure so I've gotta keep the expectations real

I'm going to enjoy having you guys along for the ride! The other thing I've discovered in the last few months is writing and my knack for getting out what I want to say. I tend to be long-winded (as if you hadn't noticed that already ... typing finger splints - thanks Pup LOL!) so I hope that I don't scare y'all off! I know I'm going to need some 2x4's when my PMA goes MIA and I lose sight of myself and my progress and growth.

Check out the Feeding the White Dog thread in Newcomers for a boost to PMA ... I talked about gratitude that day and love the thread idea.

Gotta run ... work day is done and it's my evening with the rugrats ... man, I love those rugrats don't wanna be late ... I think I'll take them out for supper.

Over and out (for now )
Peace,
PEI

I answer to either here.

Hi PEI,

Its a difficult road to keep the PMA up and to be realistic about wieght issues,,,yuck!

Since there is no hope left in my M and we will be D'd on July 20th I was hoping that I would start feeling good about myself again, that the self-esteem would return buhhht it hasn't.

I know I shouldn't compare but i'm still trying to lose weight,, M: 5'7/158lbs use to be 126lbs, H: 6'0/248lbs, OW: 5'7/120lbs approx. I hope when H ML to her he crushes her,,lol

I know, not nice and don't dwell, I just guess I have to demonize him and her in order to stop loving him,,double yuck!!

WE WILL BE BLESSED IN LIFE IF WE ARE GOOD TO OURSELVES, right?

Hang in there,
Kim

Hi Kim ...

You've been here longer than me, and riding a pretty wild roller coaster judging by your siggy ... but a couple of things jumped out at me that I have to comment on ...

First, why are you waiting for your D to feel good about yourself? By now I would hope that you had GAL and learned enough about yourself to love yourself anyway and any size. Treat yourself well - your self esteem is not going to magically return because of some date on a calendar - it will return as you are kind to yourself and rediscover that you are a beautiful woman, inside and out, just the way you are! Do what you love, to he!! with H and OW - he doesn't deserve you anyway

Second, you have some detachment work to do my friend! Caring about her and her weight, hoping he crushes her (although a fun thought I know ) having to demonize him in order to stop loving him all scream waaaaaay too emotionally involved still.

And third ... who said you had to stop loving him? You can love him and move on, it's far less poisonous to your soul.

Peace
PEI

PEI - sorry about the hijack.

Kim - I agree with PEI. Your self esteem and self worth should NEVER be based on how you look or how much u weigh. Try and get to a place where YOU like the person that you are - regardless of weight.

God Bless
Eric

No worries Eric ... I kinda did it myself

So I took the kiddos for supper at a fast food joint (but I was good Jack - just a wrap and a diet coke!) and then we went to get groceries (not a small feat with 3 kids age 6 and under!). Home, snacks, bedtime and then a bubble bath for me

H landed this morning and we chatted etc. Then I said in a casual tone "H, we need to figure this out so it works a little better ... the house isn't tidy when we're switching back and forth and the grass isn't getting cut ..." (as background, since we're sharing the house, expenses and chores we decided I would continue to do the grocery shopping, he would cut the grass and we would make sure the house was tidy at trade off). Then I said "let me know if you have any ideas for making this easier" (big 180 for me, the old me would have dictated how it was going to work and not even asked for input).

A few minutes later, H says "I think I'll come cut the grass after work today" (it's my night to be at the house with the kids) and I said, casually "you're more than welcome to stay for supper" and he said that's great, that's what I'll do then. The boys daycare is right across the street from where he works so I asked if he wanted to pick up the boys or if he still wanted me to so he could come straight out and get a head start on the grass and he said he'd rather go straight home (another 180 for me, normally I would have argued that the plan didn't make sense because it puts me out of my way and the boys are right there etc ... I just said OK ) Then he went on to say that he was going to plan on cutting the grass on Thursdays (my day) and Sundays (family day), and that maybe, on Thursdays, we could do supper out as a family, get the groceries and then come out and he could cut grass. I said something along the lines of that works ... sounds good ...

It's nice to see him finally making decisions and planning a bit ... and it's nice to have gotten out of his way so he could Just gotta remember to keep pulling back ...

So, Friday night is my night out and I can't decide between a movie, a few drinks and dancing or girls night in ... hmmmmmm....

Oh yeah ... got a real ego booster yesterday I had S2 in the grocery cart and he's talking to everyone that goes by ... he says hello to a guy and the guy says HI! back to him. Then S2 points at me and says "that's my Mommy" to which the guy replies, with a smile "you're a lucky little man". Made my day

Peace
PEI