All Have I fully detached enough that any comments or actions that may happen will not bother me.
Don't know if that was a typo but if you reverse "Have I" to "I Have" you can say that to yourself going into the meeting. Just say it over and over again, wrtie it down on a piece of paper and hold it in your hand, whatever it takes.
I struggle with the same thing at times. I don't get in full blown arguments anymore but sometimes I slip up and say something that is less than friendly or is critical.
I also agree with Mach, wear the pink tutu.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
It will definately be the new me. No doubt about that. The reality is that we have children together so we will be in each others life for some period of time. I think I will be okay. The funny thing about all of this is that it now is such a business deal. IMO, instead of this being about the kids, it ends up being about money. I know she feels like a victim (that what she herself has said) and feels entitled to everything that she can get her hands on. My challenge is to do what is right and not as I've heard someone say..."fall on her D sword". As for my babies, they will be fine. They will have challenges that they will need to face - things will be different. Change is a natrual process that we all must embrace. It's funny I feel like a kid who knows he needs to take his medicine cause it's good for him but doesn't want it right now.
The sense of entitlement is fustrating but something that I have no control over. I still wonder if she will ever move past this, while at the same time asking myself does it really matter. I do not know what my W will be like after all of this. I know I will be better, stronger and wiser. I have accepted that I own my issues and she owns hers. I still pray that one day she realizes that I truly love her.
As for drinks...yep...I'll definately have a few.
Shelbel - how did you know about Mach tiara? Don't answer and did you see the wings in my closet? Have you been to CT lately peeking in some windows
As for keeping my cool - i know I can do that. If things start to get uncomfortable the boundary comes up and a simple "I'm sure your L can help you" will come out of my mouth.
Jack - as for staying in the same house - yes it is tough. It is tough knowing that she is fu*king someone else and then coming home with a sh*t eating grin on her face and saying hi to the kids - "sorry mommy is late she was working". I know...it is anger...I know...
Being in the house has one advantage. I really get to see the kids everyday. The positive in all of this (yes for those newbies that are reading this...there is ALWAYS a positive - you just need to look for it) is the R that has formed between my kids and myself, especially D9. She is daddy's little girl and nothing that W does can/will change that. Another positive is the changes that have occured in me. Family is now the most important thing to me. Will the dynamics of our family change - yes. Can I say that I did EVERYTHING possible (including quite a few f*ck ups) to save my M. Yes!
I need to thing long and hard about remaining in the house. My original plan was to stay until April of next year. We appear to be very civil; however, it is difficult. It is truly like we are roomates. According to my IC - staying is the best for the kids. According to my heart - staying is the best for the kids. According to my spirit - leaving and letting go completely is best for ME. So I need to figure out which one I listen to.
Kerry - I do not have access to You Tube at work so I will check this out when I get home. As always thank you.
All - my GAL activity....I'm headed up to my friends lake house again tonight with D9. Fishing again and kayaking. The boys are at the Dave Matthews concert and will stay at a friends house until Saturday night. Saturday I am planning on taking D to the beach - that is if it does not rain.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
All - FTR - If I do (okay I will) decided on the pick tutu...I will upload the pics on the alt for you guys to see.
Actually, after loosing 68 lbs on the MLC diet the tutu may really not be a bad idea. The good thing about the wieght loss is...that when I look down now i can.......
Shout out to Cat - hey did you change your BB pin?
Mach - what color is your BB?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I reread my post from today and a few things jumped out at me.
I am still angry. I know it takes time and that the anger is part of the healing process - so at least I know I'm normal. This anger also tells me that I truly still love my W.
I still harbor some guilt over my role in this. This too will take some time to heal from.
I also realized how far I still am from where I want to be.
Kerry - interesting clip
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
and did you see the wings in my closet? Have you been to CT lately peeking in some windows