Upside you and I are both in the same boat. This is my second marriage of abandonment too. Both h's completely different, so I thought I picked right the last time. Little did I think that I would be in a similar predicament with my current h. The big difference though is that current h chooses to be a big part of kids lives. Maybe not so much when crisis first began, but now is here almost daily for the kids. That is the good news.
I try not to focus on my self-worth and what I did to possibly contribute. I do know I am a bit controlling, which is my downfall of growing up as the take charge girl at 15. With my current h that is his biggest issue with me is that I like to control everything. He is right on some levels, but part of it is that it is ingrained and it's hard for me to realize I am even doing it. He doesn't like to be told what to do.
I do know that first h regrets letting me go. Current h not sure what he thinks. Also spent 17 yrs with first h and 15 yrs with current h. I have been in a relationship with someone all my life. I like be married though, it suits me well and what I have always wanted for my life. Now, if I could just find a mate that wants me for a lifetime.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
I have a lot of thoughts on this topic too I agree, we picked our spouses for a reason I have read is was to work out family of origin issues MY parents stayed M till my father passed my mother never remarried my XH father cheated and M younger OW and had LITTLE to do do with his own kids I never met or even spoke to his dad his father passed away at a young age I dont know whats in store I find myself in another R now for a year It is really a good R better in many ways then my marriage but it is new we dont live together or have kids together Im trying to live for today IM not sure in the long haul if my current BF could do the LIfe long committment nor do I really want that again but it is something to consider if we attracted it once, could we attract it again many of us have worked thru stuff and continue to there is no guarantee but one thing for sure. we know we can get thru it as hard as it was we made it thru and many of us are for the better maybe it is not meant to be lifelong maybe R last for a time and then its over ?? I dont know peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
MY 15 year old is driving me crazy we seem to go through weeks where everything is fine she is pleasant THen she is reactive like irrational with her thoughts everything goes ok until I set a limit she wants everything her way I think this is alos a tunel I sometimes see this look on her teenage face reminds me of the look I used to see on my mlcer xh I feel she pushes me too far and living withg her affects me she is 15.. I dont thinbk tyhis has too much to do with her walk away father although she has abandonment issuesas well from that sometimes I wonder If I will amke it through this I just want to do my own thing and live peacefully peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
THen she is reactive like irrational with her thoughts everything goes ok until I set a limit she wants everything her way I think this is alos a tunel I sometimes see this look on her teenage face reminds me of the look I used to see on my mlcer xh
Hey Peace....
That is what a 15 year old is supposed to do....
They will test everything that in front of them....
Mach Thanks I am trying to be more consistant with my boundries Yesterday I made a sheet of "rules" everyone agreed and she seems ok today It isnt easy and doing it alone is also difficult no support only of friends and other moms it is ok 3 more years right? actually 4 she is going inot 9th grade next year
spoke to MIL-she called she worries about her son hates the ow wife says she is a princess M a frog ..he has no money now- Funny how MIL and I have become friends now XH has not contacted her either no one really knows where he is he continues the "secrets" Unfortunately my xh appears to be sicker than the normal MLC so I believe drugs and mental illmness caused from the prescriptions and MLC may be affecting him as well peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
3 more years right? actually 4 she is going inot 9th grade next year
Hey peace !
Not really....Parenting is a lifetime event...
Once the everyday stuff is gone....there will be talks on the phone...
Cups of coffee on the patio..
Midnight calls to console your grandchild...
You know all of this..
But......that is the beauty, that YOU are sharing those things now, and that is what allows the other good times down the road...
Originally Posted By: peacetoday
spoke to MIL-she called she worries about her son hates the ow wife says she is a princess M a frog ..he has no money now- Funny how MIL and I have become friends now XH has not contacted her either no one really knows where he is he continues the "secrets" Unfortunately my xh appears to be sicker than the normal MLC so I believe drugs and mental illmness caused from the prescriptions and MLC may be affecting him as well peace
Hi peace- Your D's behavior seems like typical teenage behavior to me. Most kids today are spoiled and expect to get everything their way. When it doesn't happen, they rebel. My D wanted to spend the night at her friend's house the other night and when I told her no, she told me she was going to go live with her father...something I know she absolutely does not want to do but she was just trying any way she could to get what she wanted.
Parenting is for a lifetime...however when they are finally off to college and after, we won't have to deal with their drama everday...and then we will probably miss it.
I have found that my kids cycle. They will be fine and then they are acting crazy again...and then they are fine again for awhile. Don't you remember all the pressure of being a teen...yuck! Aren't you glad you don't have to go through that again?...that is unless you have a midlife meltdown like your H.
