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I have been what I feel is very attractive - not down or moody, always in a good mood around her. I think she hates it - she'd love for me to give her a good reason to justify her actions. I think she's pi$$ed because I don't and it makes her feel worse.

Journaling:

Talked to my W's pastor on the phone to get an update on yesterday's meeting with her. He said he saw a lot of encouraging signs and felt that she was open to working on the marriage but saw the OM as a huge barrier.

He said he and the women's counselor laid it on pretty heavy with her. I told him I am ready to give her an ultimatum; he agreed that it needs to be done, but asked me to hold off until he follows up with her next week to ask her what her current thinking is once she has had a chance to consider what they talked about. I agreed to wait to hear back from him for feedback before I deliver the message.

He told me that my W said I am a great guy and that he got nothing from her that would justify divorce in his eyes. He said he has the OM's contact info and he intends to talk to him to get his story and ask him why a supposedly Christian man is doing what he's doing.

He told me pretty much what I heard from my pastor, that he is impressed at the way I am handling the situation, and an inspiration. So I guess I am the poster boy for men of faith. If it is all for naught, I will still look back with zero regrets.

Well, it sounds encouraging. If you could get OM out of the picture, you two would have a chance.

Wow, that is the no $h!t Sherlock statement of the year.



I've said it before; you have been more patient than most people could have been and put up with more than anyone should ever be asked to.



Good for you! And, rest assured, she will look back one day with a ton of regret!




I know you are kidding, but God has a way of drawing us to him through this crazy stuff. A deepening faith and relationship with Him will last a lifetime. That is a great thing.

Journaling:

Well just got pretty much all I need to confirm that the EA has gone PA. Saw a note OM wrote to my W thanking her for "sharing everything with me" and going on about how great it is to be at a new relationship level, can't wait that soon she will share her life, kids, etc. with him.

I told her at the outset that it would be a dealbreaker for me if she slept with the guy. I suspected it all along but didn't have hard confirmation.

I can't ever imagine being her husband again. Even touching her again. She repulses me now. I have to look forward to start anew with a woman who can cherish me as much as I cherish her.

I know marriages have come back from physical infidelity, but I just don't believe it is possible for me. We would be forever tainted. It's not like it was a drunken one night stand mistake. She knew full well what the implications were, knew she had kids' lives in the balance, and all we had built to this point. She can never be trusted again, and that is not someone I could spend the rest of my life with.

The good Lord has put me at peace on this. He obviously wants me elsewhere. It does not trouble me at all to drive the dissolution of this marriage. My kids and I will look forward to a much brighter future, unclouded by the actions of a selfish, disturbed woman.

I am so much better than I was at the beginning. My next companion will be getting someone great in all respects. It is actually refreshing to realize what makes a great relationship and marriage. I will know what to look for in the future. And it will be fabulous.

It's time to get past the dirty work, which I know I will handle well, and prepare for the next stage of my life. There are so many women out there with incredible character just waiting to meet the right person. Well, the right person is just around the corner, and I am him.

Sorry to hear this news pigskin. I know you are well aware that God cannot control other's choices including your W's and OM's and this is clear evidence of that. It is a painful lesson I have learned in my ordeal as well.

You were probably given this information for a reason, and with the right timing when you could handle the truth.

I have asked for God's guidance many times and for a sign of whether or not I should give up and move on on numerous occasions. I am not sure if I have received it yet. You may have asked the same questions and maybe this is your sign, or maybe not, but something to think about and it sounds like you are moving on to the next phase.

I used to think that a PA was a dealbreaker for me, but I am not so sure either way now. I look at what Puppy went through and I realize that you can come out the other side of that and I could envision scenarios where we could be happier than we ever could have before (I learned this lesson through Retrouvaille and the examples of recovered marriages I learned about there) but it would require a LOT on her part. Right now she is not capable of it and I know she may never be.

Relax, take some time to reflect, and who knows maybe the PA is what needed to happen for your W to wake up and realize that it wasn't what it was all cracked up to be and not worth throwing her family away over? You may then get to decide what you would need to move forward.

Do what you need to do. No one could say that you haven't tried.

I would agree to wait and not act when you are mad. You have been so strong this long, wait and make sure you are in the right frame of mind.

If this is it for you, I know you can look back with no regrets. Only you know when enough is enough. I wish you luck and blessings on your future life. You are a better person for all of this and someone will be lucky to have you in her life.

Hey, Pigskin.

Just checking in to see how you are doing.

I still don't understand why you don't confront the guy, especially when he mentions your kids. They are YOUR kids, not his. He has NO right to start thinking of a life with them.

I guess I don't trust myself to remain composed around him. Being near him would make me furious. It would do myself and my children no good at all to potentially face charges. Believe me Bond, it has crossed my mind. I know where he lives.

I certainly don't see it making any difference at all in the way my W feels.

Hanging in there, IDU. Thanks for asking. Haven't spoken to my W in 2 days; our last encounter was Saturday at my son's baseball game and I was furious with her due to my finding evidence of a PA. She knew something was wrong, but I refused to get in a discussion with her at the game. We drove off in separate cars afterward without a word.

Sunday my other son had a baseball game but W didn't show up; I guess she preferred to hang out with her boyfriend.

I called the OM's wife on Sunday just to make her aware of what I knew; we hadn't spoken since last summer. She and the OM haven't commenced any divorce proceedings; she's actually been doing a decent job dbing on her own but said her husband has said they are done.

It was a very nice weekend for me and the kids.

Today my W sent me an instant message: "Hello! How is ya?"

I ignored it. Unreal. I guess she thinks she can try to make nice with me even though she knows I am pi$$ed.

Well today is the day. Going to tell my W that I'm going to start talking to lawyers regarding my rights and to begin working through the dissolution process.

I have to say that I am comfortable with whichever way this ends up. Can't say that I was before.