Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Just found out she already filed

This is a reality that both XW and I are coming to terms with. Yeah, some hard choices... and hopefully she will internalize this.

OK I think I figured out the allowance stuff for the W4s. Basically you take the total alimony amount per year and divide it by $3650 to get the additional number of allowances you can get. So say you paid $18250 in alimony you can claim 5 additional allowances on your W4.

I'm having such a hard time with the financial stuff: I'm getting screwed on the alimony and child support to the point where I can't afford to even make the payments. They took my gross added it up to hers (which is nothing these days) and divided them in half! I can't believe she's getting half of all the money I accumulated over the years and she just spent whatever she ever made, she's going to come out richer than she's ever been and I'm going to come out the poorest I've ever been. This is just so f'd up.

SR, if you are good with your money you will find a way through this and eventually thrive.

My STBXW never has been able to save two nickles or resist a sale when she's down.

So now she's sinking faster than the Titanic.

Start putting together a plan. Find a second income. The best revenge is a life well lived.

What's new Romeo? You've been strangely silent lately, your computer down too? I just got mine back, they updated the BIOS and that seems to have done the trick so far. Let us know how you're doing.

Sending positive thoughts your way Romeo (((hugs)))

Hey wii, fm, thanks for remembering me in the crowded streets of the DB forums.

I was out of town for a few days and just trying to catch up. I'm doing OK, sometimes great even. I miss my old life a lot but overall I'm coming to accept this one.

I stayed at a very ritzy place which reminded me of us how we used to go on vacations and how she could be here and take advantage of the free spa, golfing, horse back riding etc that was all paid for by the company that invited us. Seeing others who'd brought their spouses and even little childern it was just another reminder.

However, I was honored to be in the company of some of the most successful people in the tech industry (mostly CIOs and even some CEOs) . In fact, we had Jerry West come in and give a speech
which was very moving and motivating. He said he's come to the conclusion there are just three types of people in this world:

Floaters: they float along life, even making changes and going to lengths to keep up with the rest. They associate success with money...most people fit this category.

Fleers: these people can't look at a challenge straight in the eye, at the slightest inconvenience they flee, looking for other options and usually spend a lot of time and energy just running away from the problems (guess who I was thinking of when he was talking about these types of people...I'll give you a hint, this isn't me)

Fighters: these people are risk takers, they do things that others don't, there aren't many of them and they truly are successful people but they don't associate success with money. They find a purpose in life, a passion for something and it's what they live for. (I used to be this, I became the floater over time)

Anyway, I haven't been writing much on purpose because like Geronimo I too feel I've run out of stuff to write about. Sure I'm thinking about my sitch, STBXW, our future etc non-stop but I'm just too lazy to write about them...or I guess I'm tired of it all and don't want to write about it anymore. I feel what I feel and it is what it is.

Romeo, have no fear because with D there's always something to write about, it's the pain that keeps on giving! Personally, I find that babbling incoherent nonsense on my thread is what keeps me at the top of my game, so why not give it a try yourself.

It seems that you are in sort of an acceptance phase which is good. You may go through an anger phase if the divorce process is messy which I hope it is not for you.

Pretty good - Jerry West and the 3 F's.

Well I just realized that May 23rd was our 9th anniversary, I remembered it in the begining of May but after the mid May mayhem with the temp support proceedings I lost track of it completely. Oh well, the marriage died a long time ago, in fact, now I feel that it died when she had an affair. I never should've accepted her back but she was hurt, she was remorseful, she needed someone to take care of her...and of course, I saw it as a chance to save my family...how stupid of me.

hmm...yeah about the divorce...I believe she's going for the juggalar. She wrote me a really nasty and mean email a few weeks ago and I'm still replaying her words in my head. She portrayed me as a monster, deamonized me and then demanded I give her x no of things and y amount of money etc.

Right now money wise things are tough but I figure me writing about it isn't going to help anything.

She sent me a text asking me when she can drop DD off tomorrow we're on a weird schedule because I had this trip and another one coming up so we're splitting weekends. I told her when she could. Then she said she'd take her books and stuff too. I told her I already have 3 boxes full of her books ready to go so she can take those...I didn't but I do now. I want her to see these mini bombs don't affect me in fact I'll do her one better and show that I already packed up her stuff to get out of the house. She replied saying she'll take the stuff from the filing cabinets too...hmmm...don't think so...but I didn't reply. Tomorrow when she shows up I'll tell her unless she needs something specific I still need to go through the papers.

She'll also see the wood flooring all throughout the house that I put in about a month ago...the house will be clean and smelling great, the front yard has been mowed. In a way I don't want her to even come over but I think she wants to come over or else she would've said 'what time will you pick DD up? or do you want me to bring her over' however this time she said 'what time can I drop DD off tomorrow?'...

A week ago she'd asked me 'since you have DD this weekend why don't you keep her for the memorial day weekend' I told her that works for me. Now she sent me an email saying the way July's working out I'll have DD for July 4th and 'are you keeping her again, I mean for both holidays this year or do you want to change it so I can have her July 4th'. Hmm...it's always as if I somehow plan these things to work in my favor when she's the one who probably had plans the memorial day weekend and at the last min she decided to have me keep DD now she wants to plan out a month in advance for the 4th. I haven't responded but I'll just tell her something like 'no problem, go ahead and keep her on the 4th of Jul weekend'.

OK, that's enough...I gotta give my hands and mind some rest.

Hey SR, that's great that you forgot your anniversary, good work!
I wish I could forget mine but it happens to be on Christmas Eve. I ask you what kind of idiot gets married on Christmas Eve? The Pastor thought it would be so romantic!
Sorry about the developments with wife. The negotiating phase can bring out the very worst in people. It's kind like when there's a death in the family and family members end up not speaking to each other for years. It's just weird. Sometimes I think the only way the spouse ending the M can get through it is to become super bitchy and mean. I have a co-worker whose wife got up one Sunday morning, told him their marriage was over and then left. He hadn't even got out of bed yet! She became an incredible bitch about everything, he got through it by just maintaining a businesslike approach and staying away from blowups with her. On the bright side, he did lose 30lbs due to it but we've decided to market this as the Catostophic Life Event Diet...worry those lbs away!
Hang in there, SR! Oh and about that name change for you, I say go with Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Romeo, that way you keep your initials and have a new catchy screen name too!