Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Need 'How to' on exposure,,,, and balls to do it

Your FIL is misinformed... I say inform him.

You want to take the slant that your wife is vulnerable and your marriage should be RESPECTED by OM...

Don't go to FIL and criticize his daugther... characterize her as confused and vulnerable and OM is taking ADVANTAGE of her..

THAT should get FIL involved more than criticizing his daughter would.

OM does not work with my wife, he works an hour away from us at a large medical facilty, and surely has a few levels of management above him. Thought I saw a letter on here somewhere that was very eloquent for such a situation, just not sure how much impact it would have or if I could get in any legal trouble.

Thank you for the perfect advice for FIL, needed that, otherwise I coulda really messed that part up. "Someone is taking advantage of your D at a very vulnerable time in her life, and our M, she has entered into an EA/PA with OM, who obviously doesn't respect our M at all", something like that?

Unless something changes dramatically immidiately, certain events will most likely happen over the next week that will cause me to have to expose to her, and list out the boundaries, then if she chooses to continue, I ask her to sleep elsewhere in the house other than our room or D's and look for another place to live. She will need to explain to the D's that it is her decision to live elsewhere, and nothing that I had to do with, then approach FIL, and her BF that already knows about OM, and let them work on her. Then contact OM, and se tpublic meeting, ro if he refuses, lay it out to him over the phone to leave W and family alone.

Has a WW/H or OM/W ever come on these boards, and read thier spouses posts in the middle of the whole mess? just curious

Yep it's happened. Most of the time their P.O.'d at having their dirty laundry aired to a bunch of strangers.

It rarely happens for infidelity as most cheating spouses are either living elsewhere so they can't get into your PC or they simply are too preoccupied to care.

Just keep your PC locked up and don't select a username that's obviously you

And change your script maybe to say :

"who obviously doesn't respect YOUR DAUGHTER at all",

With advice from bro, friends, W best friend, IC, nurse that took my blood pressure and had a WH, and the Dr that gave me the anxiety pills,,,
I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to stop this even if it causes a D.
I am deserving a better M than what I’m in now, and there is a very very slim chance that it will get better if I don’t expose the EA/PA.

“. I want to be in a committed, open, and honest relationship. This will not happen as long as you are in an affair with OM, weather it be emotional or physical, it disrespects me, the vows we took, and our family. This marriage doesn’t have room for 3 people. This is about choices, your choices not mine. You need to figure this out soon. If you choose me and the life we have here with our daughters, you must end all contact with him, forever, and we will fix our issues together. If you are undecided or choose him then you will need to find other living arrangements, and I will need to let everyone know.”

This seems a bit wordy, but says what I need to get across, I think. Depending on the answer, I would plan on setting boundaries to include a NC letter, transparency, and IC and MC for both of us.

She will either deny affair, try to minimize to ‘just a friend’, or admit it. If she denies, I’m thinking:
“You were with him at the mall yesterday, and with him at the mall by his house yesterday, and also met him multiple other times, you spent the night at his home multiple times, and are in constant contact with him, and trying to hide all of this from everyone including me, this is THE definition of an emotional affair which may or may not have evolved into a physical affair”

Timing, I work 12 hours today, and until 6 on Saturday, I’m off on Sunday and I think we are going to church that morning, and off Monday, but then I work 8am to 8pm for 10 straight days. She has to be at house for kids during those 10 days, so I was thinking this would happen Monday night, so she couldn’t run off to him for advice, and hopefully think it through a bit without his or my influence.

Please critique above plan, and add any advice you have.

ps - Isn't there aletter on here somewhere addressed to OM boss saying like," I've always respected your company, and was shocked to find out one of your employees,,,,," - I might want to use it

Yes, Puppy has a good letter for that.. I thought he posted that here for you already?

Remove the "open" in your relationsip description... the meaning is NOT what you want to convey... you don't want an "open" relationahip by current standards of the term...

You also need to rephrase this "choose him or me" thing

You arne't after your wife to choose between two men.. SHE thinks that's the problem.. It's NOT

You want your wife to choose between

a. Exploring reconcilliation
b. Destroying her family and her marriage

THAT is the choice being made, NOT between YOU and this OM... Don't ENABLE this nonsense like that...

EDUCATE HER as you write... don't word things in HER fantasy mindset... this is NOT some hollywood movie.. There are CHILDREN here that are going to get HURT

Wow, that is one of the things I needed to read, I didn't want to say 'him or me' thinking all the good feelings coming from him, along with the responsibilities I represent would give me little chance at the outcome I want.
I want to be in a committed, and honest relationship. This will not happen as long as you are in an affair with OM, weather it be emotional or physical, it disrespects me, the vows we took, and our family. This marriage doesn’t have room for 3 people. This is about choices, your choices not mine. You need to figure this out soon. If you choose a better life with our family, marriage, and friends, you must end all contact with him, forever, and we will fix our issues together. If you choose to continue with the destruction of our family and marriage that this A is causing, then you will need to find other living arrangements, and I will need to let everyone know.”

Please keep the critiques coming

DO NOT warn her about exposure... YOU expose FIRST ... THEN you conront her...

If you WARN her you are going to let everyone know she will run damage control behind your back and discredit you before you can bat an eye

Expose to everyone else first... THEN when she confronts yOU becuase word has gotten back to her you hit her with the above...

I would put more in there on the harm that she's bringing to her children... Its a biggie... mention their names if you can

Don't tell her "find other living arranagemetns"

Tell her "your affair is not welcome in this home, our children need an honest, commited, loving enviornment, not the torture chamber you are bringing into our house - leave"

Note : You have to make it clear to her that

a. The affair and her non-commited self are unwelcome in your children's home
b. A commited motehr and wife is welcome to return any time

Otherwise she will tell everyone YOU are throwing her out... you aren't, you are throwing the AFFAIR out ... as long as she clings to it, she goes out with teh garbage

"I want to be in a committed, and honest relationship. This will not happen as long as you are in an affair with OM, weather it be emotional or physical, it disrespects me, the vows we took, and our family. This marriage doesn’t have room for 3 people. This is about choices, your choices not mine. You need to figure this out soon. If you choose a better life with our family, marriage, and friends, you must end all contact with him, forever, and we will fix our issues together. A committed mother and wife is welcome in our children’s household. D1 and D2 deserve an honest, committed, and loving environment which we can provide. If you choose the A with the OM, which fulfills none of D1 and D2’s needs and actually cause huge amounts of damage and confusion, then you need to be aware that those things are not welcome in our home."

Getting wordier, but I could print it and read it to her?

More critique please