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While I agree with Coach, I know how hard it would be for you to do.

You have posted on my sitch so many times about not letting her run me through the wringer. You have been holding on for so long. You have been patient. After you hear from her pastor, which ever way the meeting goes, I think it is past time for the drop the OM speech. I know you want to save your M, but she has to do some work too. It doesn't sound like she has had to do very much to make you hang in there. I understand.

Like you told me, take the leap of faith, lead your family, let her know you have made your choice and it's past time that she made hers. You will be great no matter what. That's one thing I do know for sure.

Thanks coach. What I'm hoping for is for her to initiate the suggestion to attend MC, rather than me. Then I will agree if she agrees to drop the OM. I will have more confidence that it won't be a waste of time if SHE suggests it.

My W is the sort of person who, if she was intending to do something, and then is TOLD by someone to do it, will not do it at all, just out of stubbornness. I don't want this to happen if her pastor can get her to commit to the marriage without me saying anything.

But I won't sit on my hands if nothing is happening. My timeline is days, not weeks. If I don't hear from her pastor today I will call him tomorrow.

My W has had to do nothing, and has DONE nothing since day 1 to keep me hanging on. I have been relying on faith and my own desire to save my family. I may be ridiculed for that in the end, but I don't care. This situation has caused me to make a 180 as far as zeal for my faith goes, and there is no going back. So if nothing else, I have netted a personal gain from this experience.

I have no fear in delivering her the message. The bag of tricks is now empty and indefinite limbo is all I will face otherwise, and that is not acceptable.

No ridicule from me, man. I get it. Your zeal for your faith is obvious and the personal gain is irreplaceable. As you already know, God will never desert you, He is always there for us. We just have to learn how to turn to him, in good times and bad, and trust that He always has our best interests in His infinite mind.



Limbo is no way to live your life. You have made that clear to me. Make no mistake, I would not be where I am or had the courage to do some of the things I was finally able to do to move my sitch along one way or another, without your "been there, tried that, doesn't work" advice. I hate that you have gone through what you have. I thank you for saving me some of the same heartache.

Of, course, I hope things work out in your favor. Keeping the family intact is always best. If not, I know you have went above and beyond what needs to be done. You will be okay and you know it.

From all you've been through, that's not a bad place to be.

Continued prayers for you and your family.

Good luck on seeing what the pastor says.

I know things have been rough on you. Keep the faith.

I don't mean this in a harsh way, but a curious one: what are you getting out of living in the fantasy-land that you've described above?

Meaning, based on everything you've written about your wife's action, she doesn't want to go to marriage counseling because she is no longer married to you. Yes, technically, you are legally married, but the essence of the marriage, wanting to be around each other, being supportive and loving, and working together as a team...that's not there. Not at all. You aren't married.

You may think that I'm biased against her church by wrongly thinking it was of an evangelical stripe, but I remember that you said it was made up of a lot of former Catholics and they know you are Catholic. I'm Catholic too, I get the spiritual rules you were taught.

But what I'm saying is the religion of this church is irrelevant. It wouldn't matter if they were Catholic, non-demoninational, Baptist, or worshipped Liz Taylor. They are a bunch of liars, or at least the way you explain your wife talks about it.

Think about it..the guy who BAPTIZED her, the one who knows she's cheating, condones it. He BAPTIZED a liar. And you wife took part of one of the most important acts in a Christian's life -to be baptized - knowing that she was sinning. This is so fully of malarky, I'm surprised you're not in manure sales.

If your wife wanted to come back to you, she would. Don't you think if she wanted to be rid of the OM, he'd be gone already. I mean, she already dropped you, there's no difference bw you and him...that is, except the one that she prefers to be with.

Think about the parable Jesus uses, about the sower and the seed. Your love is the seed, but you are throwing it on rocky and dead ground. Throw your seed where it will grow.

That place - from everything you've said - is not there. It is barren.

knittedscarff,

I don't think there's anything wrong with what pigskin wants. We're all here for mostly one reason. To bust our D's. If that's his goal and he's willing to make the sacrifice, it's his decision.

The religious group is just a circumstance. It could just as well as be a group of mutual friends.

Don't get me wrong, I know the odds are low. I'm just saying I don't want to be the one initiating any reconciliation. Tried that. Doesn't work. Has to come from her.



My gosh knitted, we've been over this before. Enough about my W's church. I'm not naive. I know a "mooney" church when I see one. Even my parish pastor, a CATHOLIC priest, has told me that the strictness with which my W's pastors treat immoral behavior makes what they do at my parish look namby-pamby. He knows the head pastor at my W's church and they "compare notes" a lot.

The man who baptized my W had no idea she was in an adulterous relationship at the time he baptized her. He didn't know the whole story until I met with him the day after the baptism.


Very true. My wife is a very confused and messed up woman who is not well. I have gotten to the point where I am no longer giving her the benefit of the doubt.

What are you doing to attract her? There is a reason she hasn't made a move towards you.


Spider-Man and Peter Parker are the same man, same values and beliefs. Who is Mary Jane attracted to?

Spider-Man and Peter Parker are the same man, same values and beliefs. Who is Mary Jane attracted to?

Coach,
nice analogy

I knew there was a reason wht I continued to hang around this site!