Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Hope.

I am not really sure where I belong. I hope we are peicing our marraige back together....again. I hope we get it right this time.

This is my Second time to come to divorce busting to save my marraige. the first time was exactly 2 years ago.

The first time I was totally blind sided and had no idea divorce was even a thought in his mind. I worked hard to Divorce bust and save the marraige. Unfortunetaly I found myself in the same place 2 years later, and this time It was me who mentioned the marraige problems. I don't want a divorce but that seems to be his answer to the problems instead of working to improve things.ng

Aphrodite, Can you give us a few more details about your sitch? It'll help get you directed to the right place.

This time we are having problems because we have lack of intamcy, we have worked to make a strong family, but we have neglected each other. 2 weeks ago I finally couldn't take it anymore and brought it all up, his answer is divorce, He says He loves me but is not in love with me. He just feels like there is something missing from the marraige, and I obviously agree, although I think we can work on it and make us a couple again.

He seemed to think Divorce was the only answer. I told him how we needed to work on US, start going out with out the Kids, spend time alone together.The last we had a serious talk about it he was still leaning towards divorce. I started DBing, GAL and 180 and some LRT. Last weekend I couldn't take it anymore and finally asked if he was still planning on leaving( I know big mistake & I won't make it again) All he said was "we need to go out just the 2 of us to talk about US" well a week has gone by and we still haven't had any kind of talk.

But in this time I have seen some very positive changes:
*He still kisses me goodbye every morning before he leaves for work.
*He says ILY before he leaves Most mornings.
* He has started to ask me how my day was at the end of the day.
* He has spooned me on several nights.

So If actions speak louder than words, I am seeing a change, that he may want to work on the marraige with me. Although I have had no verbal confirmation of this, it sure feels like it.

Thank You, A.

A, Sounds like some positives going on also that you have a handle on things.

Okay so now that you have an idea of my situation...I really messed up today and could use some feedback.

When I got the mail today, it looked like all junk mail( he has always told me it is okay to open his mail) so 1 enevelope looked like it had one of those fake checks in it so I opened it( Never again will I ever open his mail) Inside are tickets to a concert, that I mentioned I would like to see a couple of weeks ago. So I felt horrible that I ruined his surprise to me and that I ruined the surprise for myself.

I didn't know what to do so I came clean and appologized ( I was originally hoping I could cover up the fact that I opened it) . He didn't say much but I could tell he was dissapointed i ruined it.

So He still hasn't said if he is willing to work on the marraige Yet he is buying us tickets to a concert.

And Of course I have had the terrible thought of what if the tickets werent meant for me but now that I found them I know.

Sorry,Daughter walked in the room I had to end last post.

So, How much if any of a set back do you think this will cause.

I just feel horrible that here he is finally trying to plan something for us and I go and ruin it all.

Thanks, A.

A, You need to just breathe and think about this rationally. If your H got those tickets with someone else in mind he certainly would have tried to hide it better, don't you think? If your H doesn't mind you opening his mail then he knew he risked you finding out about them.

Now that you know about the concert you can do some planning of your own. Any chance of having the kids spend that night elsewhere? Use your imagination and make it a night you'll both remember.

Do some things for your H in his love language to show him you really appreciate the special effort he put in in getting the tickets.

Take care.

Thanks Seeking Answers for responding, I feel better already.

Now that you have mentioned Love Languages, I read and took the quiz in the book 2 years ago, My Husband refused to do it. He seemed to think it was a trick. I let it go and never pushed for him to read it agian.

I will have to read it again to figure out if you can find out what your spouses Love language is if they won't take the quiz.

Thanks Seeking Answers for responding, I feel better already.

Now that you have mentioned Love Languages, I read and took the quiz in the book 2 years ago, My Husband refused to do it. He seemed to think it was a trick. I let it go and never pushed for him to read it agian.

I will have to read it again to figure out if you can find out what your spouses Love language is if they won't take the quiz.

A, do not pressure, but maybe ask your H to read the book. Tell him that you want to show him that you love him in ways that he understands. Make sure the convo comes at a time when you are both relaxed and hopefully your H will be more receptive to believing your intentions and focus is on him and improving your R and M for the two of you.

Good luck!