Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? When does darkness see the light?

For anyone that has gone dark, how do you know when it's time to come out? How do you know if it's too early? Or false impression?

Hi IL. I have been dark for 8 months and had only 1 txt from my H.He doesnt see our kids and txts them am/pm.I am currently taking advice from members about coming out to let him know there is a way home if he wants it.I tried a thread to get views on NC/Goind dark but didnt get a great response..
Whats your sitch?

JacT,
I am sorry that you are here. But it is a great place for support. Sometimes it makes you feel like you are not alone. I don't know how to link from another location. I have been mostly posting in newcomers. But I thought I would try here to see what that that are seperated have experienced.

Have you had some good advice or guidance?

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...422#Post2004422
IL here is my sitch which is little mre complicated than most.Bond/ImLin/Saffie and other vets have been great.There stories are positive nd an example that sitchs can work out.
Keep posting, it sometimes takes time to get your posts picked up.Start giving advice and sharing your experiences and the posters will get to know you.
I will keep a watch and if I can get some of the others to read your thread.Do you have a summary of your sitch?

I know I haven't been around lately. But I really need help. My h told me the other day that he's sad about how I have been (dark). I said that I was respecting. What he wanted. His own place and to work on himself. He said that didn't mean us not talking etc. We didn't get to finish the talk. But I don't if this is something I should work through. I really miss him, I would love to do something w him. But do not know what to do. This is hard. As u all know. But what to do when? Please help.

Sounds as if being dark is what brought him around to wanting to see you. How long have you gone dark?

I have only been dark for about 2 mos. But I get confused because he always said he doesn't want to loose me. He said he feels like he is/ has lost me. He wants us to stay close. We have been close since we have been together. But how do I know if this is just cake eating?
Or if its ok to reach out.

Is he ready to give up OW and show 100% commitment? Is he willing to have some sort of transparancy plan where you know he is not involved with OW? If there have been no changes on his part, then you can bet he wants the best of both worlds. He doesn't want to lose you as a "friend" (and maybe a friend with benefits) but I bet he's not willing to let his other lifestyle go, either.

When you start seeing "proof" then you know it's okay to reach out. I think he would need to pursue like crazy before thinking about "reaching" for anything.

Yes idk if he is involved or not. I know he went out and he was explaining with who and why. I said you don't have to explain. That's where he broke down. He saud that's where we r diff. I am being closed off and it hurts him etc. So that's why I an confused. Our discussion was interupted. I said we can finish another time.

I want so bad to call or text him to finish. Or just hear him.