Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I need help again, 5 years later,,,

Do NOT reveal your source(s) of intel. Just tell her "I know all about you and _____, and I have proof. Please don't disrespect me any further by lying to me about it."

Puppy

You don't need more proof.

You know there's cheating.

What you need is to respect yourself to say I'm worth being faithful to and not be lied to.

That's what's missing.

Thought yesterday was going ok, went to church with her (something she does more often than I do, and I need to do more of), went to work until 6 pm, and we meet another couple at a restaurant who was watching our D8, and it seemed to go well.
Then after we got home and I got D8 and D14 to bed, she started flipping out.
She asked me last week to not call her dad the same day she was going down to see him(this is the day she went to OM place). I knew she wasn’t there, because who calls their dad for 45 minutes, when they are driving 45 minutes to see him and spend the night and could talk all night to him face to face. The next day she TM me that all was ok with dad and that he would get together later with me, hmmm, never did so I was worried , and called him, to get my concerns across to him. She said last week that she doesn’t want me to get him on my side like 5 years ago.(she wasn't there either)
“you do the opposite of everything you say, you call my dad, and don’t give me space, and follow me everywhere”, I say “follow you?”, she doesn’t say a word. (I think somehow she knows I went up there, probably someone saw me up there and told her when she went to her car, that someone was taking pictures of it). She then leaves the bedroom, and doesn’t return, I go looking at 2 am for her, and she is in D14 bed with her .(kids don’t need to be involved).
This morning both up early, so I ask her why sleeping with D14, “she knows we are having problems, she’s not stupid”. Then the one that hurt,”I don’t like being around you anymore”. She also tried to put words in my mouth by saying,”Ya, it’s always my fault, you never do anything wrong”. I did rebut this.
Also, after church she was going to get hair done, but conveniently missed that, and had 6 hours all to herself and ended up in a city half way between our house and OM’s.
Seems I am going to need to expose this EA/PA, and sooner than I wanted to (readiness, confidence, PMA, and work schedule). I desperately need to get the logistics down pat; exact boundaries, who to expose it to besides her, and when in to expose it to her and them respectively, and what to do about OM(contact him and or his family(no wife or SO) or work).
Sorry so long – but I feel like I’m under the gun now.

Optimust,

I tend to agree. If you'll post over in the Infidelity forum, Allen A can give you some phenomenal step-by-step advice on exposure, as well as in-depth look at the rationale behind the steps. I will chime in as well, but am swamped at work today.

Puppy

Crap Opti, sorry to see you back here.

I don't know much about infidelity, but if you're not ready to lay your cards out on the table to her, then by all means, wait. You get one chance to "shock and awe", so do it when it feels right to you. It's obvious that whatever she's up to, it's got her head spinning trying to hide keep it covert. I might be inclined to sit back and watch her squirm for now.

Freakles, I'm sorry to be back also.

She seems to be in high-speed this time, first TM from him 2 monthes ago, first call 5 weeks ago, now 600 TM in 15 days, 60+ phone calls in 15 days, and 3 lamea$$ excuse nights away from home, one 100% confirmed at OM place. Seems she wants to do it fast so EA/PA doesn't fade and die like last time. Or, because of last time she thinks it's some kinda destiny, IDFK. She's not even trying to hide the calls and TM, like she wants me to blow up so she has a reason to storm out(to him). . She is very confused, but when she is on the 'It's over' thought train, she really goes far, and tries to bait me into anything she can attack.

I'm trying to be patient, but she is doing things that make it look like I'm pushing her away, - putting words n my mouth, sleeping with D forcing her mind to reel and surely tempting her to ask questions that W can flow towards her end-goal, and 3 out of 6 nights last week not at home, it wasn't even like that when we had seperate apartments.

I'm going to do one day at a time and hope for the best, GAL, PMA, and act as if, but plan to make sure if I need to, I can institute an exposure that would have the best chance of killing EA/PA so if there is a chance at fixing things, we can. I frrl totally helpless with OM pulling the strings.

Just needed to bump