ok, so today i am resolving to pick myself back up. going to go swimming today which i love!
if you all don't mind, i'd like to share what is part of my "loving me" action plan this week.
today - baked some chix pot pie and made some casserole. will go swimming and then do some hw and go to class in the evening. (i have stopped exercising for the last few weeks and it's starting to show. i'm just so fatigued all the time!) tomorrow - will go into work and actually get some work done (no coming on the boards until after hours!). if i'm not exhausted, will go to aerobics class. i also have a hair appt for this saturday and will be making another massage appt (since every masseuse so far has told me i'm super tense...hmmm, i wonder why!).
also, have a small goal of not talking about my sitch for one day. i did this a few weeks back and that was a really nice day. it gave me some breathing room and i felt like i accomplished something.
and i would like to give myself a pat on the back b/c there was something i could have said last night to H that would be looked upon as "prying" and i kept my mouth shut. i literally told myself....shut up, shut up, shut up. lol.
Pandora, we all need someone to talk to at times. However, I agree with you that it behooves us to try and work things through ourselves, use THIS place for venting and try and not 'burn out' our friends and family.
To help me, I used to say to myself that when I began to talk about this to others, all they would hear was 'blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."
Stay strong. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
thanks grace and FIB. i do need to step back from leaning on friends so much. i'm a talker (can you all tell? ;)), so my way of venting and dealing is talking. but you're right and i'll work to reduce it.
so far, did everything i set to do yesterday and the swimming was really nice. today i got a lot of work done and tonight i'm going to help a friend clean out her closet.
so i would like to pat myself on the back for the following: - went swimming yesterday, cooked dinner again, went to class. when H came to pick up dinner on his break...here's his text: thx, dinner was good but you weren't home when i came. my response: glad you liked it. (am i curious if he missed me...of course...but i didn't say anything) - went out to lunch for a family celebration today. H was supposed to come but dropped out last second...asked if i would be upset, i said not at all and was pleasant. - made my hair appt for sunday...think i'm going to get bangs. i look 18 anyways so might as well have a fun n' flirty cut.
i am proud of myself for these small things, reducing my convos with others about my sitch, being able to keep my PMA going, AND no R talk or snooping. the latter two really help keeping my sanity.
oh and i would like to mention, i do quite think i'm a nice catch.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Got your message on my thread. You may have already been given this. I think if people could really live by this guide, they would see a big change in their life. Hope it helps.
1.Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore! 2. No frequent phone calls to him/her.......let him/her be the one to call you. Then don't try to hang on to him/her through conversation.....say good-bye first. 3. Do not point out good points in marriage or try to get him/her to read marriage books, etc. 4. Do not follow him/her around the house like a puppy dog trying to get his/her time and attention. (Remember, you are drawing him/her back with this technique.) 5. Do not encourage talk about the future. 6. Do not ask for help from family members. 7. Do not ask for reassurances (That is showing neediness and being clingy.) 8. Do not buy gifts. (Can't buy his/her love and affection.) 9. Do not schedule dates together. (That is pursuing.) 10.Do not spy on spouse. (Not good for you and will make matters worse.) 11.Do not say "I Love You" (It is being "pushy" and trying to make him/her say it too......he/she will despise you for it.) 12.Act as if you are moving on with your life! 13.Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive at all times! 14.Don't sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc. 15.When at home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation---then don't, wait for him/her) then, be scarce or short on words. If he/she asks what's wrong....just say "nothing". Keep it short and simple. Don't get into an argument! Stay polite and don’ t act like you are pouting. 16.If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING!! No matter what time he/she comes home! 17.You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse. 18.Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he/she will be missing. (But never ask him/her if he/she has noticed any changes!!) 19.No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him/her someone he/she would want to be around, somebody that is attractive and fun. 20.All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while) 21.Never lose your cool! Don't let him/her trap you into a fight. 22.Don't be overly enthusiastic b/c it will come across as fake. 23.Do not argue about how he/she feels (it only makes his/her feelings more negative.) 24.Be patient......very, very patient. Give him/her space and time. 25.Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. 26.Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out (or scream and yell). 27.Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil) 28.Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly. Read self help books, inspirational books or listen to tapes. 29.Know that if you can do 180's, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write. 30.Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy 31.Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. 32.Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he/she is hurting and scared. 33.Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. 34.Do not backslide from your hard earned changes.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
thanks grace, eric and sandi. sandi, great list! i've been trying with most of them...and want to focus on these:
10.Do not spy on spouse. (Not good for you and will make matters worse.) 12.Act as if you are moving on with your life! 13.Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive at all times! 16.If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING!! No matter what time he/she comes home! 19.No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him/her someone he/she would want to be around, somebody that is attractive and fun. 22.Don't be overly enthusiastic b/c it will come across as fake. 24.Be patient......very, very patient. Give him/her space and time. 25.Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. 27.Take care of yourself 29.Know that your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write. 30.Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy 32.Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. 33.Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. 34.Do not backslide from your hard earned changes.
It's the execution that can be tough. You'll do fine. Just know that you have alot more power than you think, the trick is knowing it's about power over your life.
