Just journaling here. Last night, our 8 year old niece was here and she was telling Wolfie about the "Thanksgiving Story" that her teacher had told the class.
Wolfie told her that story was bogus and that the real Thanksgiving story was that some white folks came to our home and they were starving because the Indians owned all the Fred Meyers and other grocery stores. The white folks kept trying to get food, but none of us Indians were dumb enough to take an out-of-state check, much less ones from England. Finally, one of the Indian leaders came up with the idea of issuing all of the Pilgrims credit cards at 25% interest so they could buy food and not starve.
Everyone was so happy with the situation that they had a big feast and that is the first "Thanksgiving".
Of course our neice got all discombubulated and I chewed Wolfie out because he always teases her like this and doesn't know when to quit. Still--it was hard to chew him out when I was laughing so hard about his story.
Thanksgiving is coming up and that is the first "bad annaversary date" to overcome.
Last year, on Thanksgiving Wolfie was telling me about giving some advice on how to cook a turkey to one of the woman at his work. Alarm bells were going off in the back of my head about the way he was rambling on a little nervously about the whole thing. Something sounded false and hollow in his voice.
Of course, now I know why the alarm bells and red flags started then, that is when his ff situation becase an EA.
Any suggestions on significant was to reclaim this date?
More before and after stuff: Before: Because of our work schedules, there are days on end that we barely see each other. After: During our separation, he began a routine of calling me everynight from work. Sometimes, there's not much to talk about, but he does it anyway. Sometimes he flirts a little and always says, ILY before saying goodbye. I appreciate the effort he makes to do this everynight, and it also makes me feel like he is making it clear, in his workplace, that he is committed to me. When I'm feeling particularly pissy, I hope that some of the other nurses make a point of telling BU XOW about his nightly phone calls.
Before: Computer use was a tool he used to conduct acts of betrayal. This started long before XOW, when he was what I considered overly intimate, secret friendships with women he knew, over email and IMing. After: he makes a point of only using the computer when I am there. If I walk away, he makes a point of telling me what he was doing on-line.
Note: we are turning one of our upstairs rooms into an office. He is looking for a used computer because he says he wants to write stories, but also wants a wireless setup to access the internet. I'm not sure how to tell him about my reaction to that. When I think about the nights that I used to wake up in the middle of the night to find that he was not in bed and was downstairs on the computer...only to find out later that the worst of my fears were right on the mark....well...I don't have to explain to you guys how that rattles me.
Quote: Note: we are turning one of our upstairs rooms into an office. He is looking for a used computer because he says he wants to write stories, but also wants a wireless setup to access the internet. I'm not sure how to tell him about my reaction to that. When I think about the nights that I used to wake up in the middle of the night to find that he was not in bed and was downstairs on the computer...only to find out later that the worst of my fears were right on the mark....well...I don't have to explain to you guys how that rattles me.
Sounds simple to me. Since trust and honesty is what we're ALL going for here. TELL him about your fear related to the damn puter. Give him the "gift" of laying your vulnerability with this issue at his feet, it will show HIM that YOU trust HIM to respect YOUR fear.
Tal, I agree that you should tell him how it makes you feel in a way that is not accusitory. Keep it to how YOU feel about it. You know if you don't tell him it will eat at you. You don't need that. Give him the chance to reassure you and most of all to ease your wandering mind. I understand EXACTLY how you feel. With me it's the cell phone. I've told him how I feel and now he leaves it on all the time when he's with me so it shows me he does not have anything to hide. It's the secretive stuff that drives us wild. You've got to communicate your feelings to him. He seems to be really tryin g Tal, so I bet he'd be understanding about this too. Rachael
