It was great reading this, I guess OW doesn't just magically disappear once the WA come's back. Something I will have to keep reminding myself of..minutes to minute, day be day, until eventually she's out of the picture completely. Have to keep biting my tongue until H is ready to talk.
The Ow or possible Ow never figured out which in my sitch...her husband called me and said my H and Ow were having an A. Her H called my H first to confront..and my H told me about it. Said he didn't know what this guy was talking about. It was all based supposedly on a star 69'ed call from our house to theirs. Anyway her H started calling me with all kinds of accusations. I finally called her place of work and left a very politely phrased but nasty spirited answering machine message for all to hear asking her to leave my H alone if she was indeed having an A with him...to work on her M and take care of her H and S and to go to Church and ask God for forgiveness and to remember that she needed my forgiveness,too, if she had had an A with MY H.
Soooo, I wrote a letter to both apologizing ONLY for my part in things and signed it Mrs. John Doe (with real name of course..but with husband's first and last ) as that IS who I am.
Now, my side of the street is cleaned up. My conscience is clean. And by the way, I am an ACOA, too!
Hey Shiny: Quite honestly, I don't feel like I've made a great deal of changing. I think that he has changed his perspective about the things I say or do--not so much that I say or do things much differently.
What I have done is: Listen more. Validate more. Not make so many assumptions. Ask for what I want more. Constantly worked at trying to overcome anger and resentment from things before, during, and right after bomb.
Alaskangal: All I can say is that you are a better person than I am for making amends for your part by writing that letter.
I am not sure that I will ever forgive the XOW. I'm doing the best I can to not wish harm upon her or wish to do her harm. The only way I can work on letting that go is to remember that she will pay--it will come back around on her in some manner.
What a wonderful list. As always there are so many of us who are still in limbo land, waiting to find the exit, preparing for when we do.
It is a learning tool for us as well. Even though H is still "confused" I bet it would be helpful for me to do some before and after items. Might help to see some of the progress and progression through the stages.
Thanks again for an inspiring post! I am so cheering for you girl!!
What I have done is: Listen more. Validate more. Not make so many assumptions. Ask for what I want more. Constantly worked at trying to overcome anger and resentment from things before, during, and right after bomb.
Girl, you are soooo on the right track! I am proud to cyber know you!
