Then simply tell her "when you have dinner with my wife and another man, it hurts me deeply. I love your daughter, but I don't agree with what she is doing, and I feel you enable her when you do that. If you continue to support their relationship, it's going to put even more distance between you and me, and that's regrettable." -- or some such.
1. Supporting her daughter means supporting her marriage, not endorsing predators to ATTACK a vulnerable marriage 2. OM is a predator, not a romantic interest 3. Ask for her HELP in PROTECTING your marriage and your wife 4. Tell her HOW she can help 5. Lastly tell her you put a ring on and said forever and you intend to keep that promise until papers aer signed - ask her to HELP you support her going to THERAPY
You will have MUCH more impact if you VISIT her in PERSON and READ the letter to her... sending a letter to her is way too passive...
I would see if you can show her the guerilla divorce busting video I offered earlier.
Also, send her some materials from Penny about "Love not being an excuse for Infidelity"
I think we need to know more about this woman's character, how educated she is, what her relatinoship is with you, how much influence she has on her daughter...
Affairs are HIGHLY political... my wife did the same thing.. she tried to introduce OM around to all her friends... they all quietly were meeting him behind my back... I had to educate some people and it wasn't at all fun...
When she introduces OM to family and friends she is attempting to validate the affair...
YOU need to KEEP IN CLOSE TOUCH with everyone she may introduce him to... SHOW them you are still in the game... your wife is playing a very dangerous game here... very dangerous...
I would start going to family therapy w/o the wife.. set an example...
Get a biz card from teh FT and pass it to the wife iwth a personal note from teh FT on it inviting her to join in...
Keep in touch with all of her friends... tell them you and she are having trouble, and ask for their HELP in supporting your marriage and DISCOURAGING her straying.
This is a political campaign... time to roll up your sleeves
Unfortunately- I have busted a few A's now. MIL has been in town now for 1 month and she refuses to see me. I have no idea what version other people are getting of our sitch- truth is it's been stressful. I have caught W sleeping at OM1's house, busted the A to OM1 and his GF, and alas to MIL. W adamantly denies the 1st A. MIL has repeatedly told me it's between me and W, that she doesn't want to be involved.
W has disclosed the source of my info, and MIL does not approve. I have explained the lying and manipulations to her, she does not care.
Once more- MIL has refused to visit me since she's been here, but has sat down to dinner w/ W and OM2. WTF!?
Then simply tell her "when you have dinner with my wife and another man, it hurts me deeply. I love your daughter, but I don't agree with what she is doing, and I feel you enable her when you do that. If you continue to support their relationship, it's going to put even more distance between you and me, and that's regrettable." -- or some such.
Puppy
These points above are excellent... try not to attack or speak down to her mother.. you want to help her understand your commitment, and ask for her help in supporting your marriage and in supporting family therapy...
The OM will just look like a sleazeball when you do that.. which he IS
I've done this- she started campaigning long before me- they avoid me like the plague and my Recovery friends (mutual) tell me to accept what I cannot control and she is free to do what she wants.
I am in a vaccume. It is really sad- but she has built a house of cards- and it will fall somehow...maybe not before the D, but certainly afterwards.
I would tell her when she allows OM into her home, she IS getting involved and harming your marriage... tell her this is a shame and you hoped for her support to at LEAST not get involved wtih teh OM at all...
First, MWD made the point clearly that you CAN control others by positive marriage affirming acts.
yes, this all will fall apart, that's for sure... you are right on that one.. dead on.
When they tell you that you can't control it. I would just reply
"I am protecting my marriage. I am NOT asking you to get involved if you are uncomfortable, all I am asking you to do is NOT support her affairs by interacting with other MEN... if she wants you to meet OM please simply REFUSE and tell her you are saying OUT of it"
If they are uncomfortable supporting YOU, ask them to at LEAST tno support OM's attack on your marriage, many will agree to that...
