Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis My Life and Husband's MLC

DU

Hi DU....you knew I would respond - right?


This is good. No one can really heal another. The job of healing unfortunately falls on us, the LBS's. For some it is an easier task than for others. For some of us (like me), the healing of our sitch's comes with a realization that other hurts in our lives must also be healed and therefore the healing process takes longer.


Ohh...as you know I have spent a fair amount of time pondering this. The reality is though that sometime we may never know. Once can look it and say that it is God bringing us to a place to allow him to do his work. Others would say it is just the way of life. You may never understand. I think the bigger question is....does it really make a difference? So you understand - so what. You still need to heal.


Your thoughts are not "bitter" - they are just that..thoughts. The key is not loet these thoughts consume you. Take the energy that you are applying to these thoughts and apply them to something else.


It is not stubborn or WRONG to believe in the value and sancity of M. What I personally have come to accept is that we the LBS's must learn to accept that our values and believes are just that - OURS. We cannot control another. We cannot impose our will, beliefs, etc on another. The realization and acceptance of that is key to begining the healing process.


Questioning God is normal and probably to some degree healthy. In the past we have discuss "changing how you look at things"...so let me ask you this....Have you ever had an experience in your life where something happened, that was good that you did not expect? If so, was that God? Could it have been God? Could it have been the natural flow of life?

You know DU...sometime sh*t just happens and it happens for a reason that really none of us know at the time it happens. The key is to CONTROL how YOU deal with it when it does. Know this...we will cry sometimes, we will hurt sometimes, we will feel lost sometimes...BUT (yes everyone I used a "but") sometime we will also LAUGH...and SMILE....and be JOYFUL. Life, DU is about finding those times and trying to stay in them.


I'm not going to ask you what you are going to do about it but rather do you really know WHAT "it" is that you see.

DU - I think you are doing fine. Others may disagree. I know you and know that you will succeed. I know that you will find the answers that you are searching for. I just don't know when. Ya know what though...the more I go thru this nightmare the more I realize that in some cases we control the "when".

God Bless,
Eric

(((DU))) You sounded better in that last post. Have you decided whether to see your H before he deploys? That is a tough call - do what you can handle.

Questioning is good - it is better than going along with something because you "should" or have been told by someone else to. There is nothing wrong with that.

I too have been on my knees more the past year and a half than I have probably in my entire life put together before then. It has been good for me.:)

(((hugs))) Hope you have a fun weekend planned!

DU...thankyou for your thoughts! I think of you too!

We will get through this! There are lessons to be learned and we WILL persevere!!!! No matter what!

Ericsant2, TF, and CW - Thank you. Yes, I was feeling much better yesterday than I did earlier in the week. I actually have plans to attend a ballet recital a girlfriend's 2-year old daughter today. I can't wait. She is sooo cute.

Faith is personal, I know and understand that. My questioning of God's purpose has been a quest for information and maybe to a great extent the ability understand so that I can control what happens in MY life.

We all say that we are going to get through this nightmare of MLC and broken marriages, but I am not so sure. Maybe that is where I am in my sitch - being unsure. However, I have been seeking God's help, without any clear discernment.

I believe God did not want my marriage to survive, so it did not. However, I read somewhere that it could be that spouse (or both) "hardened their hearts" towards God. But we are all bound to HIS will. His will is what still eludes me. But as everyone here on these boards have said, "God works on our behalf, we may not see it, but He is doing it, and YOU must believe it will be done in HIS time, not yours!".

That is the hard part. Waiting. Have a good day all. (((HUGS)))

(((DU)))

Your plans sound like fun! Have a nice weekend!

DU -

Patience is the hardest part of faith! IMO - It is thru this fire that we all learn peatience. The second hardest thing IMO is learning how to be honest with ourselves. Did God want our M to fail. I personally think not. I do believe though that he will help us help ourselves in this process. The helping ourselves is the key.

God Bless,
Eric

Thank you everyone for your comments. I am really having a difficult time, not about my H or relationship, but really about all of the compounding issues all happening at the same time. And I was told yesterday by my boss that sometime soon, I will be removed from my position. It is "needed" he indicated to me. So nothing is good for me at this point.

There has been a lot of pain and hurt experienced by everyone on these boards. I thank all of you for sharing you stories with me.

DU
I dont think aor feel my M was supposed to last either
I sense it is for the best it is over
I think the time H and I had together was important and was suppose to be-now it is done
I learned so much from my M
from my kids
from my seperation and D
things I probably could not learn otherwise
I trust God and believe there is a plan for me and all of us
it is good
no matter what happens we can adjust and become happy
I hope the best for you and your situation
peace

(((DU)))

Sometimes all the bad things happen all at once! Maybe it is so there will room for all the good things!

Hang tight! It will be ok!

DU


One thing that sometime (and I really mean sometimes) helps me is to say to myself that it is in these difficult times that we find our true self. That may be strength, that may be hope - hell it may even be an acknowledgment of our "openess and vulnerability". In any case, it is the finding yourself that is key. Coming to a place where you accept that life changes and is what YOU make of it.


I soooo know what you mean..I too feel like everything is hitting at the same time. So what is one to do? Personally, we have two options - 1) surround ourselves with friends and family and do OUR BEST to get thru the hard times or 2) wallow in a muck of self pity and despair (I am not saying you are doing this). I vote for # 1.

DU as hard as everything seems like right now - you have to believe it will get better. The sun sets every day BUT it also RISES and with the rise comes a NEW DAY. A new chance to change how we feel and how we look at things.


There is always good - we just need to really search and find it sometimes. Take a few moments and just think about some of the positives in your life. There has to be a few - hell for me being able to post here is a positive.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to STAY in the POSITIVE - as much as you can.

Here is another positive for you from me....THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR your words to me on days that I really felt like crap...thanks for letting me vent...thanks for everything. YOU truly are a class act.

I am not going to get into your job sitch - sometime things happen for a reason. Know that YOU will be fine. This is all temporary...this will pass. I believe in YOU.

God Bless,
Eric