Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I need help in the biggest way. I feel so helpless

Sorry, maybe I should have elaborated. This is my truck that is in my name. My credit is SHOT.. the truck hasn't held the value that well and we owe more than I was able to get. P.S., we ended up finding a dealership that would give us the amount owed on the truck but I couldn't get approved for the deal. His credit was getting bad, but it's better than mine and I could NOT get financing/leasing in my name and the payments are ridiculous. I have tried every avenue possible and just can't... It's not practical to have that truck being that it's so expensive. We use the truck mainly for the kids. I use our jeep mainly during the week to get to/from the station/home. He has his car as well. So he drives the truck mostly because he has the kids during the day. So we went and found a family vehicle that was 1/2 the price monthly and he is putting it in his name because I cannot get financing/leasing. We're both on the insurance for all the vehicles but I just can't be on the financing paperwork because my credit stinks.

I don't see him doing this as a bad thing to be honest. If he didn't want to have anything to do with me, he would just let me continue paying (we both contribute to this; even though I admit he pays it most of the time) or just stop paying it and let it get repo'd. Instead he's putting it in his name and taking on the financial responsibility to pay for it knowing that it's going to be "my" vehicle. Does that make more sense? Like I said, this is our family car.

Time,

I have gone back and read your whole sitch. I completely understand your situation, I have a lot of similarities in my sitch.

I may have some insight into why your husband is acting the way he is. You mentioned a few pages back that he MAY be depressed. HE IS! I have been there and done some of the things he did. He started messing with OW after the business was hurting. Reason being is that he felt like less of a man. Felt unworthy of you and slept with the OW becasue he felt she was like you but would not judge you. I did all of this EXCEPT cheat. I tried to leave her at the time when my business failed and tried to make it seem like it was all her fault so that she would accept it. But the reason I was doing it was becasue at the time I felt she deserved better. I forgot my vows. Instead of sharing my problems with my wife, I tried to conquer the world and solve all of our problems myself. Problem is she resented me for shutting her out. Just like you felt. When he shut you out you called to find out what was going on. He saw it as clinging even though you were trying to help. I did the same thing. He felt like less of a man becasue he could not solve the problem on his own. Also you mentioned him getting into other field when his other business was booming. Trust me he remembers that too. So now he wished he listened to you and is mad at himself. He is beating himself up as much as you are. He just shows it by blaming everybody but himself. I did that too until the day my W left me!!! I have turned my life totally around now and working to solve the problems between us. I am struggling to understand what she is thinking. But I hope this lets you understand a little of what is probably going on in his head. If you have any questions, please ask, maybe I can answer some others.

Hang in there. Maybe read Men are from Mars Women are from Venus, that really helped me understand how to interact better with W. I wish I had read it years ago. ((HUGS))

Thank you so much SMM23! Your insight means alot to me. I am glad that you were able to finally realize though. I hope there's hope for my sitch and that I'm able to find my H again within this cloud of confusion he's in.

You nailed it.

He has told me (and our MC) that he had an A to escape his problems (me, $$, etc.)

HUGS to you!

geeeeeze, could my love horoscope be any more dead on?

"It won't matter if you spell it out in six-foot high letters, or highlight your message in brilliant colors - someone close just won't see it the way you do. Current planetary influences encourage you not to try and explain or try to extricate yourself from what might have become a difficult situation. Be calm and soon enough the mist will clear - they will see the light."

WOW.

last night was just over the top.

I got home from work last night. H had taken S5 with him to his game and MIL was with the girls and my SIL

MIL asks me "did H and you argue today?" I said no, not at all. he has actually been okay with me. She said, well, he had an attitude when he got home, he ran to the store with his friend and came back and was rushing to get to the game and got all pi$$y and started yelling at me when I asked him why he didn't go to the wake (a close friend of the family's father died and H and MIL agreed to alternate between the wakes (afternoon and night). H just went on and had a temper tantrum saying that everyone is in his business. to leave him alone and he huffed and puffed out of there and she was just appalled by how he yelled at her and carried himself.

OK. so I put the kids to bed. Told her to take my truck to go to the wake (she lives out of state and is staying with us).

She came back and we were chit chatting. She was starting to realize what I was going through. understand that oftentimes, I'd get the same verbal backlash from him after having done nothing.

He comes home with S5 and he bathes him and puts him to bed.

MIL goes over to him to confront him about his behavior and she and H get into it BIG TIME. Screaming, cursing. him telling her to get the eff out of there.. then saying that come the weekend me and the kids are leaving to go live at my mothers and he was going elsewhere.. that he was booking MIL's ticket to get out of there. then he goes off saying he needs to get away from all of us people.. that we're nuts and he needs to get away from us. just went on and on. It was like watching he and I fighting.. it was insane. she told him to get out of the house and he was packing his stuff and she was yelling at him and at one point was blocking the doorway and I was trying to get in the middle so nothing stupid would happen.. I got pushed aside. then she got pushed aside.. he called her a loser, a drunk.. you name it..

he then started texting me repeatedly that me and the kids were going to my mothers (he and my dad aren't speaking still; another unresolved issue for him).. I told him that I was staying and that we would go on just fine without him. I told him to leave and that I wasn't subjected the kids to his running. he then accused me and his mom of plotting this argument.. I just told him to go about his life. I will do what I have to do. We deserve better than this and I'll see to it that they get it. He text a few times asking me for clarification of what I meant by my text.. telling me to stop putting the kids into it.then goes into how he's happy it worked out this way.. that I'll be free and his mother will get rent and everyone will be happy.that he'll has to get his life back on track and make money and to take care of his kids.

his mother was in awe.. she finally saw her son for his true colors. she is devastated.. she told me that he kept telling her not to buy into my BS anytime she'd talk to him about me and him.. and that just the day before yesterday, he was telling her that I had to go (meaning leave). what a loser.

Through it all, I feel strong. I feel like I just want to throw him out fully and live my life. I hate this vicious cycle.

Good. I am glad you aren't questioning your self-worth. I think it probably helped that this happened in the open in front of a witness.

I think part of the "fell down the rabbit hole" syndrome happens when all of this goes on in secrecy. If you are busy protecting your M and your family by keeping these secrets, it's easy to get sucked into the WAS drama and begin to question even sensible boundaries and values.

Been there myself. Regardless of how you two arrived where you are now, you apparently are handling yourself more appropriately NOW, and you are interested in being a healthy, happy person.

I am so sorry that this continues for you, but it will make you stronger.

PS. I don't know if I would seek answers in horoscopes. I know they can be a comfort in rough times, that they can seem to provide answers where answers aren't forthcoming, but there's a reason (no offense) they are labeled entertainment.

To me horoscopes are fun. I defintely don't read into them.. I do come from a long line of women who were tarot card readers, mediums, witch doctors, etc. but for me, it's purely entertainment.. no offense taken at all.

Am I a bad person to say that I'm happy that this happened last night? that his mother got the backlash and can relate to it for once? I felt vindicated.. I felt like he had had me going in such circles for such a long time that it was finally out in the open. Like proof that I'm not crazy. Like someone was finally seeing that I'm not lying or making this stuff up.

Does anyone have any reading materials on depression? I want to read up on it. thanks.

No, it's a tough thing to live a secret life and pretend everything is not as it really is. You can lose your integrity doing that. It is probably a relief that it is out in the open.

Now you don't have to pretend anymore.

When was the last time your husband has been overseas?

He came back a few weeks ago.