i have to be warm, welcoming. i have to smile. i have to look cute at all times. summer is around the corner so i can show a bit of skin.
So he would have to see you to notice all these things?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
This.. I want to hear. How does a manual tranny work? All the guys I have ever worked with have never used the word "tranny".
i learned it from the howitworks website. i've also driven a few in the past and they were pretty fun to drive. clutch in, shift to first, slowly let clutch out while giving it gas. watch the tach get to a certain rpm (below redline), clutch in, shift to 2nd, slowly let clutch out while giving it gas. each gear has a specific range for hp and torque. the redline on the tach indicates what rpm in which the gear is maxed out - on a torque vs rpm graph, this is where you'd plateau.
on an automagic (no, that's not a typo :)), this clutch in, shift to first, etc. is done automatically. it changes gear without ever reaching the redline. thus no chance of blowing the engine. i'm sure in 4th gear, this can happen though?
what took me the longest to grasp was why you downshift in order to blow by another car. then it hit me, when you match rpms from 4th to 3rd, the rpm on 4th may be the maximum torque/hp range in 3rd, thus getting you that power boost to push you forward. if you stay in 4th, you have to make the engine work to get to that maximum torque range for 4th gear.
we can go into why the car jerks in low gear and due to poor rpm matching. but i thought we were focusing on me?
the word 'tranny' was used during the days when i was a regular on the mods newsgroups. everyone called it a manual tranny! maybe it's an east coast thing. i've never heard anyone say "jam it into 2nd" though. :P
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You don't wanna spend the time or the money. Those "tools" feel good. Look how far they got you. You can muddle thru. You have experience with your tools.
i'm afraid to take a chance. once i buy the tool, i am stuck with it. it may not work and i can't return it. and will resort back to my old familiar tool.
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Now we can continue down this sarcastic path of mine.. but I suspect that will not be productive.
It stops here.
Let me be clear.. the way you are approaching "this" is just not going to work.
I wanna see you focused.. I want to see you with your mind in the game.
honestly, the four statements i made are things i would have likely said. it's to show you that i continue to dig at him. i really don't want to. but it keeps coming back.
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I need for you to give me some real thoughts on how to talk to your H. I don't care what his LL is. This is a statement of what you want. I don't want him to react. I want him to stand there not knowing what to say. Jaw on the ground.. questioning everything he ever thought about you.
i think when the time is right. i'd tell him that when he decided that our marriage was over, i said i would never give up on him. i'm still not giving up on him. the marriage may be over, but i'm not giving up on our friendship. nine years is too much history to throw away. i know he's hurting and if he needs anything, he knows where to find me.
there was no dig in that statement. he could still be mad at me. he could feel some remorse. it doesn't matter. that is how i feel. i don't think it's worth destroying our friendship. the statement needs to be refined though.
i could come up with a gazillion things but a lot of it would be taken the wrong way if delivered improperly. like if i talked about how i was doing all of these different things. it would appear like i'm bragging about how great my new life is. like you said, it shouldn't leave any doubt.
i appreciate the support. i know i'm a handful. you can see in the last few days, i've posted a lot because of my anxiety attack. it's how i get it out of my system. you can see what is going through my head. sometimes it feels like battling an addiction by going cold turkey.
read the thread started by reelingw/asmile. i can relate when she said there was too much info that it was making her brain hurt. that was my weekend. her sitch is inspiring although she is lucky that her h hasn't left the building. she's even more lucky that $ hasn't been an issue between the two of them. $ brings out the worst in you. my h is the prime example.
i went back to read my own post and the advice given. my advisors are right. h is watching my every move. listening to every single word. i had forgotten about this. i don't know why the WAS does this. shouldn't they just want to get up and leave? why do they bother to continue monitoring? when does the crazy talk stop?
it's been tough db-ing when we never see each other. friends have offered their ears to him. he has shut them out as well. but he continues to seek the advice of mom and dad.
i'm moving along as best as i can. i really wish there was some kind of interaction. a sign of some sort.
Did you "pursue" in the friendship before you were married? I know I did!! I wanted him bad--oops--now I got him!lol.
i didn't pursue .. i stalked. he would call me his stalker. i think he knows that i'm really good at figuring him out. he created all new accounts on msn, skype, etc.
i don't really know when he comes and goes. it's not really predictable when he comes home nowadays. he's either hitting the gym, going for groceries, or ordering take out. i try not to let my mind wander and say he's out with a W. i have been reassured that it's not the case. otherwise, i'd have an anxiety attack and begin plotting how to "take him for all he's worth".
Goal is to get a hug. How would one start on that path given the current reality? How to get from here to there all while learning, smiling and looking good?
Maybe it's just too big of a challenge for you squash girl.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
it IS a big challenge for me. still reading jim collins for inspiration.
btw, a friend of mine read my blog recently. he was happy to see that i was moving on and doing things to keep me busy. i do not mention my sitch in my blog. just things i do on a daily basis. i even mention jim collins and james stockdale.
you mentioned before that i needed to love without fear. i said you mean love without anger. today, it is love without fear.
goal: to get a hug brutal facts of reality: physically separated mini-goal: run into h mini-goal: say hi this time and smile.
next step: say hi next step: ask a question like how's it going?
btw, forrest mentioned that it wasn't good to vent here because it's public. i think i've said a lot to identify who i am if my h was really lurking.
