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Well I'm probably going to go for maybe fortnightly sessions with the therapist anyway, for my own learning. I only went to a few in the beginning, some with the rubbish Relate, and one with IC that OW had recommended (doh! - even she was saying repeatedly are you sure there isn't anyone else involved and made a funny face when I said OW was the only person who was in a position to. She has done enough counselling with that evil bitch to know!) I was way too mentally messed up at that point I think to really learn much about me, it was all just raw emotion and hurt. One of them said I looked like I'd been run over by a bus. Now I'm in a better place to address where I went wrong in either my choice of bride or maintaining sufficient connection with the right bride. I was surprised to find one locally that does both SBT IC & MC. Another bonus of moving to the other side of town.

I love this area, been watching the cricketers on the oval just 50m from my house in the sunshine with my work revision inbetween. Damn it, if she ever does want to come crawling back she can move over here!

I wish they were living together for speed of cataclysm, but I don't think either would ever give up their respective residences. WAW loves her garden, the local park and running routes, and being in a 3 bed house far too much to move into a 4th floor city apartment with no space and no outside area. The OW's city slicker image is not compatible with either the area of town WAW lives in, nor the unfashionable, slightly scruffy 3 bed house. They merely spend a lot of time at each other's places I believe, "in order to feel closer to you." I know they had each other's keys before I knew they were having an affair within weeks of our break up, and also that the WAW was staying there even when OW wasn't there in the beginning. No idea what living arrangements they have now the OW is working 3 out of 4 weekends and the WAW is commuting for 3 hrs every weekday. Hardly my idea of much quality time.

I wish I could feel less like I'm waiting for their demise to occur. Swift (preferably) or not. I feel at the moment like I'll be quickly done and dusted if they break up and WAW shows no intention of return. If it goes on for more than a year I hope I'll already be in a place where I don't care that they're still together. Question is, how to manage to do both?

And that is the question of the year. How do you manage to keep hope alive while also being in the point that the A doesn't bother you anymore.

Lees this is all normal..the questions I promise we all ask them.The process of healing is a long one especially when it involves getting over betrayal.You are early on your journey but my sis(who went through this also) said the one thing I can promise, the pain will go and you stop obsessing about both your spouse and the evil OP.
I am getting to the point where I know the pain is there but I am learning to live with it.
The process of detachment is challenging and doesnt happen overnight neither does dropping the rope.

Your W will be thinking of you..true/real love doesnt disappear overnight but it will be masked by all these brain chemicals playing havoc.Her guilt will be playing a part in the constant avoidance.You will know about papers shortly..when/if they land on the doormat.Forget about it until they do.

I think the fact she has taken your wedding pics off the wall etc shows she hasnt moved on either.

I believe she is going through a crisis and she needs time to sort herself out.You dont want her to come back too soon and then leave again?
She wont have pics up, if she still has wedding pics on Fb or whatever..she hasnt moved on.

In terms of waiting you are the only person who knows that..its down to personal choice and you will know what to do when the times right.I think you are still standing for your M at the moment but that may change.

Your image of her is one of perfection..shes not cos she hurt you and you didnt deserve it..dont be so quick to pick out your own failings over hers..she cheated.
I think the counselling is a great idea.
Allen is right it will all fall apart cos thats what happens to most of these relationships.
The ow is not attractive ugly on the inside ugly on the outside..my H ow has the face like a baboons a***.They are vile and this is the issue I find most difficult wondering what they do together..its very hard not too.

Eventually though they show their true selves and your W will se her for what she is..patience is key and looking after yourself.If/When she comes back she will be very broken..trust me so you need to be strong to support her if thats what you decide.
You have the added advantage that she was very maternal so her biological clock may push things on.

The most important thing is you..do things for YOU.If your destiny is to be together, the good man upstairs will give you a Pathway that unites you..kepp you chin up.

(((hugs)))

(((((((lees))))))))

Will write more tomorrow. Have been flat on my back, (not by choice) most of the weekend

Or that she just doesn't use facebook or is embarrassed to admit to all and sundry on there that her marriage failed. I'm absolutely sure she won't be telling anyone that she walked away from it because she was in love with my colleague. She hasn't even told her own family that. I don't really have any way of publishing her nasty behaviour to her work colleagues or friends to exert any pressure, beyond hacking her FB page and posting on there. Those that do know are her immediate family, her close circle who are all adulterers themselves, and my work colleagues and friends.



Absolutely right. The more I think about stuff the more I think she may be in MLC. All the stuff she said about "I've finally found myself" and "It's funny you don't really know who you are till you reach your 30s." I beg to differ. She's just pretending to be something new, with new life goals, new aspirations, new job, new views on family, new friends, and new lover. She was even dressed the same way as the OW dresses that day she came round to my house. She looked ridiculous.



Absolutely not. I gave up protecting her a long time ago for what she's done. She is an alien. She is not currently attractive at all. Just a shell of the good, loving, moral woman she once was. The OW is a manipulative cow, but WAW chose to take her clothes off. WAW has never been perfection in any of the time we've known each other, and I've never held her to be so. I'd say my feelings about her are far more disgust, pity and hatred. I am still standing for the vows that I made, for the memories that I have of our times together which were good. For the principle of lifelong commitment. I don't think it's really been about HER for a good few weeks.



I wish it would hurry up. I'm impatient in nature.

((((saffie))))

Do hope you're feeling much better soon. Was it the horseriding?

Time for some positivity I think.

Good things at the moment.

1. Have started running again
2. Have 3 different work courses to either instruct or learn on in coming weeks
3. Glastonbury (yip yip yippeeeeeeeee)
4. New friends are fun!
5. Week in Scotland approaching with 2 new friends in my lovely house
6. Am still "dating" (read meeting women that to casual observer will be viewed as eligible, but I and they know they are not!)
7. Financial stability will very soon once again be mine
8. WAW has contacted twice in last 3 weeks, for payment of debt and to inform of friend's birthday. I remain in pitch black.
9. Out with the sMIL tomorrow evening, she's requested my company for dinner too. Initially this piqued my interest and hope that something was happening, but latterly I think it's just wishful thinking from me and she's actually just looking out for me knowing I'm having a tough time.




Oh dear. Does this mean I have to learn to talk Queen's English despite having rather more celtic roots, wear Armani, and sh1t on everyone that crosses my path to become attractive?

Hey lees, just catching up as I've been out of town for a few days.

I don't know how to say this without possibly hurting you, but you need to be prepared for the possibility that W's A with OW might not end. I know everyone else has been telling you to wait it out, but the only other person I know IRL who cheated on his W ended up buying a house with, marrying, and having a baby with OW. And there are lots of people here whose WAS is still with the OP years later, some married. The probability is that it won't last, but there's no guarantee.

I am only saying this because I hate to see people here living in limbo for years because they still are hoping that, one day, their WAS is going to come back. That's a lot of life lost just pining away.

So I recommend hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Move forward with your life. Date other people for real (but don't rush into another serious R!). Work on yourself with IC so you know you are the best person you can be. Know that any woman will be lucky to have you. Heck, lots of women and their mothers dream of them catching a doctor! Be happy in your life. IF W realizes she made a bad decision and comes back around then you can decide if you want to be with her. But don't waste your time on her right now. Cross that bridge if you come to it.

All of those positives you listed are great! Glastonbury sounds like sooo much fun. And of course I'm jealous of the week in Scotland. I saw a pipe band at the airport last night and it made me wish I were going in August to see the highland games!

Hey pearl, nice to see you here again. Hope your days away were enjoyable.



I know, I'm not hurt by it, what happens will happen and I will eventually be back in happyland for good rather than the intermittent, but gradually increasing vacations I spend there currently. But for now I am still hoping. I think about that every day. It's usually swiftly followed by remembering just how much hard work would be involved even if it did end and she came crawling back, and wondering if I could actually do it anyway. The further down the road I travel, the less sure I am that there is a path which leads to marriage Mk2.

The odds are so very stacked against them though, both with such histories of cheating, deception and inability to maintain long term commitment are hardly a recipe for happily married life. And then pile on the total opposition of their hobbies, likes and dislikes, life plans, and the disgust of WAW's family. OW is a totally selfish workaholic, incapable of putting anyone else before herself. It is in fact her third marriage/engagement wrecking enterprise and I'm not sure that counts in terms of third time lucky. Not a good long term trait either. So I'm playing the statistics game with this one. Odds on they fail. Not a given, but highly likely.

And you're welcome at my cottage anytime. Check it out on the alt. I'm gonna be up there first week of June. Highland Games are so much fun. Even the local ones are a grand day out.

I'm in limbo yes. A limbo today of very much I would like my WAW back, but I definitely don't need her back. I'm sure the right woman saying the right things could very easily make me forget it all and I could be the WAW. But I'm avoiding that. Need more time to heal myself before inflicting on someone else.

Speak of the devil.

She phones.

I hope all is well with FIL - he had cardioversion for his heart today I think.

I didn't answer. Wonder if she'll leave a msg.

3rd contact in the last 3 weeks. Odd.

Just proof that LRT is working in your sitch. Do not jump at the early signs. Put it on the shelf with her other actions because at this point it doesn't mean much.

I'm totally with you on not getting involved with anyone else right now. But some flirting practice is good for the ego. My preferred method was going out in a public place where there were lots of men and just making conversation. No pressure, just mingling.

BF and I love going to our local highland games, or "men in skirts throwing heavy things" as we call them. Started going when we first started dating and try to go every year, even when we lived in Alaska. We missed them when we were in Scotland. Seemed every town we went to either had them the day before or the day after we were there. Grrr! And especially irked to find out we passed on Crief in order to stick to the coast only to find out afterwards that Ewan MacGregor was there.